From the Beginning: A Study of Marriage

Introduction

I want you to think just briefly about your car. And go with me into the future. It’s the hottest day of summer. And you’re stranded on the side of I-4. And smoke and steam is coming up from the hood. You’re going to need a tow truck driver. You’re going to need a good mechanic. And you’re going to need a lot of money. Because your car is toast. And at that time it’s going to be good to know maybe a good reputable mechanic that’s going to be able to replace the engine and the transmission. Because your car is just that damaged. But you know what would be better? Is if you could know right now some maintenance and things to do to prevent that from happening.

I think as churches and preachers, we do a pretty good job of talking about the blight of divorce, and maybe even the sin of an unscriptural remarriage after that divorce. But wouldn’t it be better yet to talk about how to make our marriages as God intended them to be so that we never have to deal with those issues? And so this morning I’d like to talk to you about marriage. A study of marriage that’s prompted by the words of Jesus in Matthew chapter 19. So if you’ll turn with me there in your New Testament to Matthew chapter 19, we’ll talk about the discussion that Jesus got in with the Pharisees about the subject of marriage and divorce and where he took them and where he takes us in that text.

1. Have You Not Read? Back to the Beginning

In Matthew chapter 19. Let’s look at the words of our Lord, where it says, Now it came to pass, Matthew 19, verse 1, when Jesus had finished these sayings that he departed from Galilee. And he came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed him, and he healed them there. The Pharisees also came to him, testing him, and saying to him, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? Well, let’s think about the context of this statement of Jesus. And really the beginning of it, and it starts where Jesus started the issue. It’s important how he answers this question that he didn’t let fear decide the issue. When they ask him the question, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?

Now, before we look at his answer, I want us to think about that question and really to think about where that question was asked. Remember, according to verse 1, we’re told the geography of this text that he came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. Have you ever wondered why we’re told that? What difference does it make where he was when he was asked that question? Well, this time it makes a great difference. Because when he crossed to the other side of the Jordan, he is in the territory of Herod Antipas. You remember Herod? You remember his view on marriage and divorce and remarriage? You remember what he did to another teacher of God who taught something that he didn’t like to hear about marriage, divorce, and remarriage.

It was this Herod that had John the Baptist imprisoned and then beheaded because of his teaching on this same subject. It is in this territory, the territory of Herod Antipas, that Jesus is asked the question about divorce. There was probably no worse place on earth to be asked that question. But Jesus didn’t let fear decide the issue. We may be tempted in our day and time with the complications of marriages and divorces and remarriages to let fear decide the issue for us. But we shouldn’t. What does the word say? And so they came to him. It says, the text says, the Pharisees came testing him. Did the Pharisees ever ask Jesus a sincere question? Doesn’t seem so. They certainly weren’t doing that here. They weren’t really wanting to know what does God say about this?

What does the Bible teach about this? They just came testing him. But notice Jesus replied, despite the possible fear he may have had of where he was located, despite the insincerity of the question, his answer was nothing but sincere. And his reply was this, have you not read? Every question that can relate any way to a spiritual matter, can be any way related to the scriptures, should be answered that way. Have you not read? Another way of saying that is, what does the Bible say? Another way of saying that is, what does God say? That was Jesus’ reply. He didn’t wet his finger and stick it up in the air and say, what’s the prevailing thought among people? He didn’t say, what does Herod Antipas think about this?

He didn’t say, well, you know, that’s a good question. Let’s get together and put our heads. He just simply said, What does the Bible say? And in answering that and in stating, have you not read? He takes them back to the beginning. Continue reading. In Matthew chapter 19, he asked the question, is it lawful to divorce for any reason? He answered and said to them, Have you not read that in the beginning, he who made them made them male and female, and for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate. He answered, he didn’t dodge it.

He answered the question. He answered the question by going to the text and taking them back to the beginning. And that’s what I want us to do this morning. Put your finger or your bookmark in Matthew 19. And then let’s go back to where Jesus sent us. And that is the Genesis chapter 2. Interestingly enough, that by going back to the beginning, Jesus makes application of what he’s going to say about marriage and divorce and remarriage. He makes application to everyone. Regardless, it wasn’t those who are just a part of the law of Moses. He wasn’t just going to be those who are going to be a part of his eternal kingdom. He goes back to the beginning and says, this applies to everybody. Everybody who’s ever been born, anybody who would ever be married, this law is universal.

And he does that by going back to the beginning. Genesis chapter 2 is where Jesus is quoting from when he says, Have you not read. In Genesis chapter 2, we really have a magnification of one of those days of creation. Remember, Genesis 1 goes through the six days of creation. And it just kind of goes through a formula. He did this in the morning and the evening were the first day, and he saw that it was good. Then he created something on the second day, the morning and the evening, and then it was good. And so we’ve got to go through that formulaic reading in chapter 1 of the days of creation. But chapter 2, he goes back and looks at the grandest day of creation, the day in which man and woman were created.

And the text says we want to spend more time talking about that. We’re not just going to do that formula that here’s what happened on that day. More needs to be said about that. And that’s what happens in Genesis chapter 2. Look, beginning with me in verse 18 of Genesis chapter 2. He says, And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper comparable to him. I know you’ve made this observation before, had it made in your hearing, that of everything that God saw in his creation, he said, it was good. This is the only thing that he said was not good. It was not good that man should be alone.

2. The Order of Creation

So there’s the want in the creation. Man is alone. Man needs a helper. Man needs a helper that is comparable or answerable to his needs. And so now God is going to set about to remedy that only one thing that’s lacking in his creation. But what’s interesting in the text here is that that’s not immediately what happens. The problem is stated in verse 18. Man is alone, and that’s not good. But something transpires between the stating of the problem and the answering, the solution of it. And so I think we can learn something from this text that Jesus sent us back to in Genesis 2. And we can learn something, I think there’s something very significant in the order of creation, the order of events. Follow this with me.

Verse 18, he says, here’s the problem. Man’s alone.

But notice what happens in the order of events. Finish in verse 19. Out of the ground, the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all the cattle, to the birds of the air, to every beast of the field. But for there was not found a helper comparable to him. And then God sets about to remedy the only thing that was lacking. And so verse 18 says, here’s the problem. Man’s alone. And now he’s going to solve that by the creation of woman. But why this in between? Why state the problem, man’s alone, and then have Adam view and name all of the animals and then fix it?

You ever wondered about that order of creation? I think it’s answered for us, isn’t it? At the end of verse 20, where it says, but for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. You see, God saw that which was lacking in verse 18. And now he sets about to let Adam see what’s lacking. I don’t know. But I can imagine that maybe one or two thoughts ran through Adam’s mind as he was viewing all of these animals, as these animals were paraded before him and he saw them. Don’t you think that maybe, just maybe Adam made these two observations? Number one, maybe he said, there’s two of all of these. They all have a mate.

But I don’t have that. Don’t you think that may have occurred to Adam? Maybe that’s what God was trying to get Adam to see. Something else may have occurred to Adam as he was viewing all of these animals of creation and naming them. Is that maybe he saw that none of them were comparable to him? That none of them, as useful as they may have been, none of them were really answerable to his needs. Now this certainly is for illustration purposes only. But maybe he saw the horse and said, I can see some benefit in that animal. In fact, I think it could carry me. I might could ride it across the garden on some cool evening. Maybe he saw the donkey and said, you know, if I wanted to transport something from one end of the garden to the other, that looks like it would be a good beast for that.

Maybe he saw the dog and said, that might make a good pet. But surely he saw all of these animals and maybe saw their usefulness and saw the beauty of God’s creation in them, but he said, none of them are really comparable to me. None of them are my equal. None of them are my social, intellectual, or sexual companion. And maybe that made Adam lonely.

3. The Method of Creation

Because surely Adam said, none of these are really comparable to me and answer my greatest needs. And so you see in verse 18, God saw what was lacking, and now he wants Adam to see. And so he brings him all of these animals two by two and prayed them before Adam and says, See, Adam, all of these have a mate. And yet none of these are really answering your need. We see the beauty of God’s creation. We see the beauty of God’s order. And we see the beauty of God’s intent in marriage in the order of creation. I think we can also see the beauty and the significance of the method of creation. Now that God has stated what was lacking, verse 18, now that he’s shown Adam what was lacking, he’s going to set about to solve that.

But notice the interesting way in which he solves it. Verse 21. The Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib from which the Lord God had taken from man, he made into a woman. And he brought her to the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Why? Not why did God give the woman to man? We know why. That’s already been answered. But why this method of creation? Why didn’t God just speak the woman into existence? He had done that with every other part of creation, except for man.

Couldn’t he have just said, let there be woman, and there was woman? Why didn’t he create woman the same way he created man? Why didn’t he go and get another pile of dust and out of that dust form a woman? God could have used either one of those means. Why this unusual surgical procedure to cause a deep sleep to fall upon the man and take a portion of his side and out of his flesh to make a companion for him? I think there’s high significance to this method of creation. You know, you may have heard this from a preacher. Maybe in a wedding ceremony that woman was taken from the side of man. She wasn’t taken from his head so that she can walk over him.

She wasn’t taken from his feet so that he could trample over her. But she was taken from his side so they could walk side by side. Well, you know, that’s sweet, but I don’t think that’s it. Preachers like to make up cute stuff sometimes to fill the void. It’s like a preacher. Have you ever heard a preacher hold up the wedding band in a wedding ceremony and say, you know why the wedding band is round? It’s in the form of a circle that represents our ever never ending love. You ever heard that? That’s not why the ring is round. Know why it’s round? Because that’s the shape of your finger. If your finger was square, the ring would be square, and the preacher would have to come up with something else.

And so the side is not necessarily the significance of this. But there is a significance. And Adam saw it. What did Adam say? This is now flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. He understood the significance to the method of creation. That’s a part of me, Adam said. Can you imagine the scenario of Adam divorcing Eve? Adam sending her away. He would have literally been sending away his own flesh and blood. You see, in this method of creation, God took one and made two. To show us that in marriage, God takes two and makes one. This is now flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. In the book of Ephesians, chapter 5, in discussing marriage and the treatment that husbands ought to render to their wives.

Notice what Paul says in Ephesians chapter 5. Read with me beginning in verse 28. Ephesians 5, verse 28. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one has hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the body, his church. You know, I’ve read that in the past and thought, okay, what God, what Paul is saying here is that I’m supposed to love my wife like I love my own body. And so I wouldn’t treat, mistreat my own body, so why should I mistreat her? I’m going to do for her the same I do for me. And now that may be the practical application of it. But could it also be that Paul has in mind this text when he says husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies?

Maybe he’s not saying you treat her body the same way you would treat your body. You treat her the way you treat yourself. That maybe he’s saying, husbands love their wives as their own bodies because she is flesh of your flesh and bones of your bones. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church, which is his body.

To yourself. That God, through the miracle of creation from one made two, to show us that in a God directed marriage, two really become one. If I have any advice to impart to married couples, particularly young married couples, and that is for you to, in every sense of the word, to become one. I see a danger in just having a roommate that you share the bills with. That there needs to be some oneness there. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I see red flags when I see married couples that are really leading two desperate lives. They have their own checking accounts, they have their own group of friends, they take their own vacations, that basically all they’re sharing is an address. And so when it comes time, and that marriage is broken down on the side of the interstate, it becomes relatively easy to just discard that person and move on.

Because we don’t truly feel like that in sending someone away, that we’re losing our own flesh and bone.

And while that was sad, it was also beautiful. Because they depended upon one another. They had become one. And when his mate died, a part of him died. A more cynical person say, wouldn’t it have been better if he’d have learned some kind of independence that they weren’t so dependent upon one another so that when she died, he could have just gone on like nothing happened. They were married for 54 years. I’m sure my dad would trade those three months of sadness for the 54 years of unity. To me, the only alternative would be to have 54 years of misery. And the last three months wouldn’t have been so bad. That’s not a good trade. There’s some beauty in seeing that this person is a part of me.

That we work together. We pray, we worship together, we raise our children together. Everything we do is together.

4. The Result of Creation

And if we had more of that feeling and more of that actions in our marriages, I truly believe we’d have a lot fewer divorces. Because we find a way to work it out. But we also see significance, I think, not just in the order of creation, God showing Adam, it’s not good for you to be alone. We see significance in the method of creation that he took a part of him and gave it back to him. But I think we also see some wisdom in the result of creation. You know, God teaches us through his word, but God also teaches us through his actions. When God said, it’s not good for man to be alone, I want to make a helper comparable to him. What did he make?

Did he make several women? If he would have, that action alone would have sanctioned polygamy. Just God’s actions of saying, here, Adam, here’s what you need, you need two, three, four, five women. Then that would have been God’s stamp of approval of multiple marriages. If when God said, It’s not good for man to be alone, I’m going to give him a helper answerable to his needs, if he would have created another man. That action alone would have sanctioned homosexuality.

Now there wouldn’t be many more people to populate this earth, but that would have been God saying, that’s what I want. But when God said, it’s not good for you to be alone.

Who’s comparable to you and who’s answerable to your needs? He made one woman.

Now we have the words of God later to show us about polygamy, to show us about divorce, to show us about homosexuality. But it all starts with the actions of God. When he said, here’s how I’m going to answer man’s needs.

5. Observations: Marriage, Social Order, and One Flesh

And so there’s a few observations that we make in closing this morning. Number one is marriage is the fundamental principle of social order. You think about that. It’s the fundamental principle of social order. I don’t want to get political or even sociological this morning. But many of our ills in this country are because marriage and the family have broken down. It’s not the government’s fault. Maybe government has aided that and abetted to it, but it’s because the breakdown of the family. Marriage is the fundamental principle of social order. Marriage is superior to parental relationships. He says, for this reason you’ll leave your father and mother and cleave or be joined to your wife. It now supersedes and becomes superior to that parental relationship. And there’s a lesson to be learned there.

And third observation by marriage, husband and wife become one flesh. Not just in a sexual union, but in every sense of the word, husbands and wives must become one.

Conclusion

So much so that even your names are joined together. That your hearts are blended together. Your lives are one. May God help us to make our marriages the way He created them, the way He intended. So that you’re never broken down on the side of the road, looking for a divorce attorney. Because it’s all irreparably damaged. Wouldn’t it be better now to have some maintenance and to work on our marriages to make us one? So that we can have that little bit of paradise that God has intended for our lives today. May God bless us to be the husbands and wives, the fathers, the mothers, the children that we ought to be.

Baptism is the Christian’s wedding ceremony where you’re united to Christ and you become his bride. Would you become a Christian this morning? Would you let that decision affect every other decision in your life, from your family to everything else that you do? Your life can be better than what it is if you’ll turn it over to Christ. Why not come into Him right now as together we stand and sing?