Heart of the Matter: Jealousy

Introduction

Well, good evening. Great to see everybody tonight. We’ve been talking about issues of the heart. And we’ve actually built as a theme for this week’s lessons. A theme that comes from the Proverbs. Proverbs 4, verse 23. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. The wellspring suggests everything that comes out of you, all your thoughts, all your feelings, all your emotions, all your relationships, all your ambitions. Every part of you is going to come from your heart. We also read in the Proverbs, Proverbs 11 20, those of a perverse heart are an abomination to the Lord. But the blameless in their ways are his delights. We bring that out because we all have a filter. Every single one of us have filters in our lives because we know how to act in certain situations.

We know how to put on the old Sunday clothes, and we know how to act like church people. We know how to act when we go to the business. We know how to act when we want to get the girl. We know how to put the filters up just so we can make our way. But inwardly, inwardly, are we truly who we appear to be, or are we something different? Every now and then something like this will happen. We’ll be speaking to somebody, and all of a sudden the motion will hit us, and something’s gonna slip past the filter. And as soon as it goes past the filter, we’re trying to reel it back in, and we say, that’s not really me. I I don’t know how that got out.

That’s not really what I was thinking. Well, our Lord says, yes, that’s the real you.

You see, it’s easy for us to clean up and modify our behavior. You know, it’s almost kind of like the Pavla’s dog thing. I’ve been kind of getting tickled at Bob and Arlene this week. They they have a monster raccoon. He’s probably about this big and gets in the trash can and in the middle of the day. He’s a brave guy. He saw their trap that they had set for him, and somehow the trap ended up in the backyard. Yeah, I’m thinking this guy’s been caught before. He’s not, he’s not, you know, that dumb. And some of us are kind of like that from the standpoint that, well, once you’ve been caught in something before, you’re not going to go back there again, and you learn how to modify things, modify the behavior so you can move on.

But our Lord says, No. I’m looking at your heart. In fact, what we find in Scripture is that our Lord talked about the heart a lot in the Sermon on the Mount, right at the very beginning, in the Beatitudes. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Chapter 5, verse 28, still in the Sermon on the Mount. But I say to you that whoever looks upon a woman in lust has already committed adultery in his heart. Chapter 6, verse 23, where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 12, verse 35 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of an evil treasure, again, the emphasis upon the heart brings forth evil things.

And then the passage in which we began this series in Matthew chapter 15 and in verse 18, where our Lord speaks and acknowledges that even though religious people can come and worship God and they can go through all their pomp and circumstance, he still says, But the things that proceed from the mouth come from the heart. And these are the things that defile a man. Last night we looked at the great challenge in our hearts that can come from being angry. You know, anger once it takes seed in your heart, as we’re instructed, don’t give place to the devil. The anger that is there can soon lead and reveal itself with a l a little bit of gossip. Malice, maybe even a little retaliation. Therefore, don’t give place to Satan.

1. Jealousy Wants More, Not What’s Fair

Don’t allow his tentacles to get into your heart. Tonight’s issue of the heart is just as dangerous. And while there might be some of us who maybe truly don’t have anger issues, I want to propose to you tonight that all of us deal with this issue. The issue of the heart that I want us to study this evening is the issue of jealousy. And you might be thinking to yourself, jealousy. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I I’m not jealous of it. Oh, jealousy. Well, maybe when I was a little kid. Maybe when I saw old Charlie down the street get that brand new bite, and I didn’t get one for Christmas, and he started right, oh, maybe then I was a jealous. Or when that girl got that new dress, or or when she got the big boy at school, and he started trying to hold in her, and then I got Oh, jealousy is such a childish attitude.

It’s a childish thing. No, no, no. I’ve outgrown jealousy. Well, I want you to think for a moment. I want you to think a little bit about well how we sometimes talk. You know, I don’t know really what it is about them. Have you noticed them? They they is there something wrong there to you? Or did you did you see her? Did you see that dress she was wearing? I I don’t know about you, but did that well it can’t be pretty, but didn’t it seem just a little bit tacky? Or or it’s like this. Have you noticed him lately? Oh, well, you’re right. He’s lost a lot of weight. He must be spending a lot of time at the gym. I’d rather spend time with my children.

Or did you notice the new car?

Can they afford that? Oh, oh, they got that, oh, they got the new, oh, oh, well, you know, his dad is pretty rich. Yeah, well, you know, it’s you know. I wonder, hmm. I wonder how they’ve been running that business. I’m not throwing anything out there. I want you to think, oh, I love them. They’re great folks. They’re great folks, but you know, I’ve been hearing a couple of things. I mean, nothing, no, nothing bad. You know how we do. And really, really, here’s what’s going on in our mind. We’re feeling a little left out.

You see, I work out just as much as she does. I work out just as much as they do, and and and how come they get that body? Oh, oh, oh, well, would you look at this? Would you look at what? Well, well, if I was really looking for that kind of a man, I I would have those kind of things also, you know, I’d have been a little more wealthy. Or their kids, well, I teach my kids just as much, and and and for some reason they get all the attention from the people at church, or oh, they get all the attention. Well, you know, I do everything for mom and dad. I’m the one who shows up and takes care of them, but no, it’s my little brother who could say that and the other.

And then here’s what we’re thinking the whole time. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. You see, I work just as much, I try just as hard, I have just as much effort in my life, and but for some reason, they’ve got what I really want, and this just doesn’t seem to be fair. Well, why didn’t I get that? Well, why don’t they love me? Why don’t they sing my praises? They’re always talking about Josh and Bob. Well, why don’t they ever say what I’m doing? You know, that’s not fair. I want you to think about that for a second. You ever really thought about the fairness card? You ever really thought about the fairness card? Is it is it really fairness that we want? I mean, you think about when somebody got something that you didn’t, or somebody has something that you don’t, or you think about the situations in which you just really get a little irritated because there’s something there that you really wish.

Is it fairness that you really want? Let’s say God was 100% fair with everybody. Let’s say everybody in the entire world. We’re not talking about Orlando. We’re talking about billions and billions and billions of people. People who are living in Africa and India and South China, people who are living everywhere. Is it fairness that we really want? See, we know. We know if it was really, really fair, we’d be taking a huge step back, wouldn’t we? And that’s what jealousy does. Jealousy is not necessarily really wanting what’s fair. What jealousy wants is just a little bit more? I’m not content. I’m really not satisfied. I’m really not fulfilled with what I’ve been given in life. I want more. And here’s where it gets bad. And here’s how the tentacles of Satan will work in a heart that is dealing with envy and jealousy.

Guy that got that car? Did y’all hear what happened? He wrecked it. Oh, that brand new Z. Oh, I just hate to hear that. Oh, you mean you mean all that weight came back? Oh, oh, that’s too bad. Oh, you mean that that house that that oh, you mean she dumped him?

You see what it does to us? When envy is left unchecked, we, although we may not always verbalize it, inside our heart, there is something brewing that if we’re really honest with ourselves, is really almost sinister. Well no. Try to let you see this in a way. Jim, can you come here for a second? Jim. Come here, young preacher man. I want y’all to see something here. Now stand down now, no, don’t get up there. You stand down there. Now, I want y’all to see, oh, I met my two good friends here. Now, really, turn around, would you? Hush up. This is not your time to talk. Should I get down on one knee? No, not down on one knee. What are you saying? Now, this is the way it should be.

See, somebody’s always asked me, you know, Phil, what do you want to be when you grow up? I say, well, I really wanted to play football. It’s been my dream my whole life to play for Texas Tech and then the good old Dallas Cowboys. And it would have happened, but I just wasn’t quite fast enough. Right. No, I’m you notice anything here. You’re laughing. Kind of hurting my feelings. Is this fair? Let me ask you. Is this fair? Is this fair that I got this? What are you doing? You just may need to sit down, young man. Should I be? You should be playing football. You probably never played, did you? Oh, see. You know. Should I be mad at them? Should I have any ill will at all toward either one of these guys that they got what I didn’t get, and more importantly, they got what I wanted, and they got what they’re not even using like they should.

You can sit down.

Stay seated. Now here’s the deal.

2. Our Problem Is Really With God

I really did want to play football. Grow up in Texas, that’s just what you do. That’s where everybody screams and yells. That’s where everybody goes on Friday night. That’s where everybody shows up to on Friday afternoon to support and uplift and praise. These are the football players. You know, for some reason, they didn’t actually show up to the golf tournaments like they did the football stadium. I played on the golf team. Go figure. And that’s just a little unfair. And is it fair for me to be mad at them? No. Well, I’m certainly not going to be mad at myself. I mean, I didn’t ask for this, so my problem isn’t with me. My problem isn’t with them. Can I get mad at my parents? Oh, my parents gave me these genetics.

I should be mad at my parents. No, I really shouldn’t be mad at my parents. Do you realize? And this is what I want us to see and grasp and understand. Last night we looked at anger. And the emotion of anger simply centers upon this. You robbed me. You robbed me of peace. You robbed me of security. You robbed me of something. You owe me, and I’m waiting for you to pay me back. If we can carry this thought into that debt-detta relationship so we can maybe see it more clearly for what it is. We’re not looking to that person and saying, you owe me. We’re not looking to ourselves and saying, Well, I owe me. We certainly can’t look at our parents and say, You owe me.

Do you recognize who our problem is with here? In the Ten Commandments, God said, Do not covet. And if you really get down to the crux of the matter, jealousy is an issue of the heart. And here’s who we say owes us. We say it’s God. God gave me this. God left me out. Our problem isn’t with that person who got the car, got the girl, got the smarts, got the house, got what we wanted. We’re really at odds with God. Now here’s what’s going through our mind. No, no, no, no, no. I would never verbalize that. Well, you know it’s not their fault. You know it’s not your parents’ fault. Certainly not your fault. It’s he who created you. And you didn’t get what was fair.

He should have made me taller. He should have given me that size because I wanted to play football, and he’s just a song leader. I don’t know what Josh can do, probably nothing. He owes me. Can I share something with you? And we all know this deep down. God’s never claimed to be fair. In fact, fairness went out the window in the Garden of Eden. There was no longer fair. In Daniel chapter 4 and in verse 35, we find a king, a very powerful king, who has been humbled by God. He’s been forced to his hands and his knees, and he’s been eating grass because he sought to glorify himself and say to God. And here’s what he learned from this experience that definitely got his attention.

Daniel 4, verse 35. He who does according to his own will in the army of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth. No one can restrain his hand or say to him, What have you done? He learned very quickly, God does what God wants to do. And who am I to question God? In 1 Chronicles chapter 29 and in verse 12, it is David who says of God, riches and honor come from you. You reign over all.

Listen to what he says following this passage. So we being many are one body in Christ and individual members of one another, having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them. If prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith or ministry. Let us use it in our ministering to he who teaches in teaching, in he who exhorts in exhortation, he who gives with liberality, he who leads with diligence, he who shows mercy with cheerfulness. In 1 Corinthians 12, verse 11, here’s what Paul said. God gives as he wills.

When the envy and the jealousy is creeping in our heart.

3. Jealousy Led to Some Horrific Events

Sometimes our envy is not even for spiritual things. Why didn’t God give me that money? Why didn’t God give me those parents? Why didn’t God give me those looks and that talent to do that? Why didn’t God give me that praise? And what the jealousy does is it creates in our heart a huge tool for Satan. Now again, I take you back to the beginning. There’s more than likely none of us here that would stand up and say, I’ve got a jealousy problem, but we would probably have mad if we have an anger problem. I mean, jealousy just sounds so childish. But if we’re really honest, there’s a very good chance. Some of the people that drive our envy the most are people that we’re actually the closest to a sibling, a neighbor a friend.

And sometimes, sometimes parents do show a little preferential treatment. Sometimes friends do get things that they just really don’t deserve. And sometimes people just look out. But inside our own heart. We’re not happy. And we’re gritting our teeth. And if jealousy is left to foster, and more importantly, to fester in our heart, I want you to recognize how often in Scripture, jealousy led to some horrific events. It was due to a coat that was given to their younger brother that some older brothers decide to take that brother. What do you do when your little brother gets more attention to you? What’s the only solution? Well, you kill him, right?

Until you realize you can make a little money, so then you get selling, at least get a little money out of the deal. And if somebody else kills him, so what? That’s what happened to Joseph. In fact, Scripture tells us. Saul, why did he try to kill David? Because David was throwing spears at him? Because David was saying vile and mean things against him? No, quite the contrary. David was actually one of his greatest fans. But David got the praise that he wanted. He got the accolades that he felt he deserved. Mordecai. All he did was serve the king. Haman hated him because Mordecai actually got the big parade and all the festivities and all the affection that he wanted. Incidentally enough, you’ve read the story of Esther.

Haman was kind of responsible for some of that. It’s kind of a poetic justice twist of the thing. What did Pilate know about the Jews regarding our Lord? Pilate knew that they delivered him up out of envy. The masses were going to hear him preach. The people were gathering to hear him speak. The Jews persecuted Paul. Why? Envy. You know what Romans 1 29 tells us? Envy. Just envy is worthy of death. And incidentally enough, to truly be fair with the subject, some actually preach the gospel, hi. Out of envy. Jealousy is a rage of a man, says the Proverb. Therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. Proverbs 14, verse 30, a sound heart is the life of the flesh, but envy is rottenness to the bones.

Titus 3, verse 3. Listen, listen to where envy is clumped together. You have to listen. We often think of envy. We think of jealousy. We see it as just a childhood attitude. We see it as just a small thing. But I want you to hear what it is grouped together with in this passage. For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to very passions and pleasures, passing our days with malice and envy, hating by others and hating one another. You ever hated somebody? Have you ever noticed that the people who get under your skin the most are often the people who are right there closest to you? You ever notice that? Our own family members.

Our closest friends. And what breeds some of this? Hate? Envy. Envy. In the Gospels, Jesus actually deals with a man who came up to our Lord and said, Lord, you know, my brother’s got this huge inheritance, and I’m part of the family too. You’re telling the divine with me. I want what’s fair. And you know what the Lord said? Beware. Beware. Against all kinds of covetousness. In 1 Corinthians 3, verse 4. Here’s the way love is described for us. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy. You see, sometimes the things that get past our filter, and we kind of laugh off. Well, yeah.

And it’s raging inside us, and it’s building up not only a rottenness to our bones with respect to a jealousy that is out of control, but it’s leading us to lives of ingratitude and lives of discontent. And there’s no peace. There’s no peace.

Cheryl and I had a lady once call us and want to come over and visit, and she was all upset, dealing with a lot of issues, depression and many other challenges in her marriage, and this, that, and the other. And we sat down and spent some time talking to her. And we said, How long have you felt like this? What’s going on? And she said, Well, it’s been like this for many, many years. I said, Well, well, how long? How long? She goes, I’ll have to say it goes back to my childhood.

Because you see, my parents always liked my sister more than me. In fact, my dad just came out and said it. And I’ve been going to counseling, and I’ve been spending time doing this, that, and the other, and I just can’t seem to shake it, and it just irritates me because I do so much more for my parents and than she does. And it’s just not fair. And I’d like for you to deal with my family. Oh boy. Now, if God had made me that size, I could have solved a lot of church problems. But you see, the problem really isn’t the family. And don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying it’s fair. And I’m not saying it’s right. But you’re dealing with envy. And you’re allowing something over here to affect you here and more importantly here.

4. Mold Our Children’s Hearts Against Envy

And it is weighting you down. And if there’s anything, anything all of us need to understand about life, we can’t change anyone else. But we can look at ourselves. We’re studying this series for many reasons. One of the reasons we’re studying this is well, how can I help my children? How can I mold their heart, not just change their behavior, but how can I really, really get into their heart? Well, this is a big one, just like any other issue. And here’s what we have to do with our children. In 1 Peter chapter 2 and in verses 1 through 3, Peter says, so put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and evil speaking. As newborn babes desire the pure milk of the world, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious.

The first thing we need to do, and we have to be very careful, parents, we have to listen very closely to what our children are saying. Listen to their words, listen to how they talk of others, listen to how they respond to others, and teach them to put away envy. Here’s something all of us know kids are mean. Kids at school are mean. People say mean things. And while we can’t always defend our baby, while we can’t always stand up there for them and duct tape the mouth of that kid across the hall. We can look to our own children about how they respond. And when you sense envy and coveting in the heart of your child, you have to nip it and nip it quickly.

And you know what we need to be very mindful of, parents. They were not producing some of that.

We were actually sitting at the supper table one night, and all of us were getting a little tickled. You see, uh my daughter is the misorganized one. And she likes to keep everything in order, everything on schedule. And we had actually gone on a little vacation and they were doing a little homeschool on the way, and mom left them all these homeschool assignments, and so they had their little players, their little movie players in the back, and my son’s just wanting to watch movies, and uh uh Jill was one saying hey, we need to do our homework first, then we’ll watch the movies. And he said, No, no, no, no, we’ll watch the movie now, we’ll catch the homework later. So she gave in and they watched a little movie, and we made our way on out to Texas, and she was still and said, now Gray, we’ve got to get this done.

We’ve got to get it done before we get home. And he said, Oh, we’re gonna do it, we’re gonna do it, we’re gonna do it. Well, little did Cheryl and I know, well, while we weren’t paying attention, she had a little conversation with Gray, and she said, All right, Gray, are you promising me that on the way home we’re gonna get this done? He said, Sure, sure, sure. She goes, Well, I thought you might say that. I’ve written up a little contract here. And this says, I, Gray Robertson, will on the way home to Alabama do homework and in parentheses with special emphasis, any time Jill says so. Well, my son, wanting to watch the movie right then, said, Yeah, signed his name. We’re driving home.

Hey, Greg, we’ll need to do some more work. No, no, no, no, no, I want to watch this mail, I’ll watch this movie. Here came the contract. Now, what’s that? It’s a contract. A contract? What does it say? And she read it, and I said, Gray. Did you sign your name? Well, yeah. Son, you signed your name. Oh, I didn’t go in mail. I said, son, here’s the deal. You ain’t the brightest pencil in the, you know, you’re the sharpest pencil in the box, you signed it. And he, oh, I can’t believe you just said that. Well, son, you signed it. And then his mama goes, Yeah, son, I’m gonna have to agree with dad on this one. You ain’t very bright. It was my son, goes, I’m not feeling very loved in this family anymore.

We had fun with that. And I got I still got the contract, by the way. That’s a keeper. But you know what? It did make me think. Sometimes we can produce that parents. And we need to be mindful that we’re showing our children an attitude of contentment. Not only in just our relationship with them that we not show favoritism. But what kind of attitude am I showing my child when I’m constantly upset that somebody else got something when I’m trying to keep up with the Joneses, when I’m feeling out of place, when I didn’t get that? Do you see the point? We need to teach them to grow in the word of God. We need to teach them to understand wanting and desiring what others have will never ever satisfy us.

In fact, Ecclesiastes chapter 9, verse 6 tells us and reminds us that everything, everything that we envy, everything that we feel we must have, everything that we think we can’t live without, everything will eventually go poof and be gone. That car, that house, that size, it’ll be gone. It’ll be gone. All of it will be gone. Godliness with contentment, says the scripture, is great gain. And thirdly, teach them to use what God has given them. Encourage them to fight the urge. And we’ve got to encourage this, that we don’t feed the urge that they get what everybody else has. Somebody explain to me why a third grader needs a cell phone. Somebody explain to me why children need the DVD players, the latest gadgets, and all these things in their rooms.

Do we not understand what we’re doing to our children? You give it all to them now. What do they have to look forward to later? What are they possibly going to earn on their own? My kids hate to watch movies with me because I’m one of these dads. If you’re watching it on DVD or VHS, I have actually turned to my parents. I’ve got the pause button. I say, Did you hear that?

Peter Parker was told by his uncle, with great power comes great responsibility. Yeah. Oh, Dad, you preach on Sunday. Oh, well, you hear this one? It’s a great line. This is one of my favorite lines, comes from one of these series that my kids are just into now. I have to confess I’m a little into it myself. The wise man who’s leading the young man tells him this, young man, it’s not our abilities that make us what we are, it’s our choices. Did you hear that? That’s so true. There’s a reason you have what you have. There’s a reason you are where you are. It took me a long time, but I finally figured it out. You know why God made me this size? I’ve actually figured it out.

5. Acknowledge, Confess, Celebrate, Use What God’s Given

First of all, it’s a lot easier to buy clothes. I will say that. But God knew that I would be one of those blithering idiots that would still, at the age of 42, be trying to play football. You know some guys like that. They would still be trying to live a childhood dream. You know, there’s a passage in Scripture that tells us God will not allow us to be tempted more than we’re able. Sometimes God doesn’t give us what we want because God knows we can’t handle the temptation. And what He has given us, He’s given us. Not only because it’s what we need, but it’s because what we can use to glorify Him. What’s our take homes then for all of us? We need to acknowledge jealousy.

Anyone that you have said anything negative about or condescending, consider this. Maybe it’s jealousy that’s in your heart. Why else would you say it? Why else? Gossip isn’t just gossip for the sake of gossip. We’ve got to get something out of it. Well, generally what we’re getting out of it is some satisfaction. Somebody needs to knock that person down a bit because they got what I didn’t. They have what I don’t. And we need to confess our jealousy. We need to confess it. It may be a brother, it may be a sister. Maybe a neighbor. It may be another preacher. And I think if we’re truly going to be cleansed and purified of our jealousy, we might even just really need to go talk to that.

Well, they’d never they don’t know how I feel. Well, if you’re really interested in getting rid of your jealousy and envy. Maybe you just need to go talk to them because you may not think you’ve shown it, but they’ve certainly felt it. Confess your sins one to another. Leave your gift at the altar. Go to them and apologize. And it just might be that they’re treating you the same way. You know how those feuds work. Both of you are feeling it. Both of you are involved in it. Both of you. You know what? Somebody needs to grow up. And somebody needs to be the one to say, I’m sorry.

Somebody needs to have the courage to just do what’s right. Then what can you do? This is so important. Celebrate with others. Hey, if they got the promotion, if they got the nice new look, if they got the celebrate it. Encourage them. Man, I’m so proud. You want to help deal with your envy when they get what you didn’t? You say, congratulations to you. And here’s you got to be careful about this. It doesn’t need to be with your teeth. Oh, I’m just so happy for you. That’s the prettiest core I’ve ever seen. What have those my whole life? And I’m so glad you’ve got it, and not me. No. Rejoice with one another. Rejoice. That’s what you do. Do good unto all men, especially those of the household of faith.

Because it’s very possible that the ones who we are the most envious of are the ones who are right here sometimes with us. Remember where I said when we were reading Romans chapter 12, if only brethren would hear this. I believe it’s what drives a lot of church problems. People fail to realize that God’s given us all special gifts and talents. And then use what God’s given you. Use what God’s given you. He’s given you what you need to not only live your life, but he’s giving you what you need to be a faithful servant of His, to glorify Him, to serve others, and to serve Him. And what He expects of you and me is to be good stewards of what we’ve been given. Maybe that just needs to begin with a little bit of gratitude.

Conclusion

A little bit of gratitude. It’s kind of silly of me to be mad at those guys, don’t you think? That’s just kind of silly. But folks, that’s how jealousy is. Most of the time it is just that. It’s a little silly. But Jesus says it’s also a little rotten. And it’ll rob you of peace, it’ll rob you of relationships.

And more than anything else, it can rob you of heaven. As a means of invitation, I want you to remember something about your heavenly Father. This is said more than once in Scripture. For the Lord your God is a consuming fire.