How To Help People Who Are Hurting

Introduction

All right, good evening. I want to say thanks for everybody moving over to one side. It wasn’t exactly my plan to smack you in here together, but it’s good for you. It’s good for you. And you get to hang out with people maybe you don’t see every now and then. But we’re going to do things just a little bit different tonight. Tonight’s going to be a class. Okay? So this is class time, and I’m going to be encouraging you to participate, and we’re going to go to some stories that I believe you know very well. And you’re going to see a method to the madness here in just a moment. But welcome to class. Everybody got that? You’re in class. I know you’re in the auditorium and you’re here with your parents, but it’s class.

All right? It’s class. And let me just also say, I’m going to encourage you to speak up. I’m going to be looking for your ideas and your thoughts. Don’t be bashful. Don’t worry about what people might think or say to you, because I can promise you, we will not say anything to your face. We’re going to wait till we get in the car and go, oh my word. No, no, that’s just a joke. It’s just a joke, no. We’re looking for open participation. That’s what we’re going to be doing here tonight. So I want you to play along, and I believe that you’ll find this study very, very, very helpful in your lives as you seek to help others. Now, before I get into it, though, I I want to just share some words of appreciation.

This family in Christ has always been very special to me and my family. First of all, we know so many of you and have known many of you so long. You realize it’s it’s been 20 years. Twenty years since we first moved over to Melbourne. Uh Josh and Kay Knight are here tonight. I I can remember that they were such an integral part in our kids’ lives and playing with our kids. I have pictures of Josh with my son when he’s four years old, throwing him up and swinging around, and my kids just flock to Josh. Uh and and and probably still would. They’re 18 and 21, but they would still run to Josh. And so it’s amazing that it’s been 20 years. And so there’s something special about that.

But this congregation also has been extremely generous to me and my family, just from the standpoint that you allow us to come and to serve you. And that you you allow us to come and spend time with your kids, and many of you send your children to camp. And I just consider that a great privilege. And just thank you so very much. That is it’s an honor that you would want to send your children to come and to hang out with us at camp and to spend time together. The confidence that you put in me and others. I just thank you so much for that. The hospitality is always wonderful. I was getting deja vu in the Whitman’s house tonight. I uh I remember funny things.

I I think we have laughed about the dog story every time. And I remember those stories and sharing more stories. It’s always so fun uh to hang out with the clients, and you can get spend time with Greg today. Uh it’s it’s just been wonderful in the Dukes, just it’s all of you. It’s just been wonderful. So thank you very much. And how neat is it that now you have Ken and Deedra with you. You know, and also good friends of mine. And I just want you to know something, and this is very important. You’re really, really, really going to like Deedra. I mean, you are going to really like you’re you’re gonna go a few years from now. That Deedra is great. I’m just throwing that out there to you, so don’t be surprised.

Uh, she’s she’s certainly one in a million. But uh so glad that they’re with you as well. All right. Our series this week has been centered around the worthy life and being a light to this dark world. And so what I want us to spend some time doing tonight, because I know this family in Christ is a lot like our family in Christ in Gainesville, and that is that you have an evangelistic spirit. Your desire is not only to please your father and to walk in a manner that is worthy to him and you live that life self-consciously, but you also live in his grace and enjoy his love and you walk with an obedience desire in your heart. But at the same time, you’re like me and everybody up in Gainesville.

You want to take as many people as you can with you. And you want to be an asset to the lives of others. And so tonight, what I want us to consider together for just a few moments is how we as children of God counsel others. And we we become a means of mentoring or counseling or advising to people, and especially those that are in crisis. I would imagine that every single person here has somebody in your life right now that in one way or another is going through some sort of a crisis. It could be a marriage, it could be finances, it could be health. It could be, it could be a spiritual crisis. It could be a family. There’s something going on. In fact, it’s been said like this.

Every single one of us are in three stages of life. Where there’s these constant three stages of life that we’re in. We’re either A, in a crisis, B just getting out of a crisis, or C, heading to another crisis. Alright? And to some degree, that’s kind of how life is. You know, I’m at the stage of life. In fact, I’ve been talking about this with Ken and Didier this week. We’re at this stage of life where we’re to some degree helping take care of our parents. Or we’re losing our parents. I was bemoaning the fact one day I was talking with Dee Bowman, and I said, you know, Brother Bowman, I it’s it’s really kind of challenging for me right now. I’m I’m I’m losing my mentors.

He just smiled and looked at me and goes, I’m losing my friends. You in. You in. These are stages of life. So how do we help individuals who are dealing with the struggles of life? In Isaiah chapter 9 and in verse 6, we’re reminded of who our Lord Jesus is. And this is what Isaiah said the Messiah would be. He will be a wonderful counselor. And he’ll be a mighty God, an everlasting father and a prince of peace. What a powerful name for our Lord. What a powerful description. A wonderful counselor. What does it imply? That he has unfathomable wisdom. That he is going to be the ultimate advisor and mentor. He is counsel is wonderful. He is a mighty God. In other words, he has the strength to carry anyone over that chasm of despair, over the cliffs that seem to lead to a certain abyss or destruction.

He is an everlasting father, referring to his compassionate, loving care, that he can take even the most hideous among us, the most challenged among us, and put his arm around us as a father would. Remember that father standing at the end of the road in the story of the prodigal? What was the whole point of that story? Jesus says, that’s your God. That’s your God that yearns to embrace you, even though you may smell like pigslock. That’s what he wants to do. But he’s also described as a prince of peace. In other words, he’s in the royal lineage of security and comfort. And that’s what he provides. Paul says it like this in Colossians 2 that in Christ are all the treasures of wisdom and all knowledge is hidden in him.

1. Jesus Meets Them Where They Are

Well, what I want us to do tonight for just a few minutes. I want us to consider and look at how Jesus counseled others. And what we’re going to do is we’re going to look at this in the life of some Bible characters that I think we know fairly well. Alright? And here’s how I want you to play along with me, all right? The first one I want us to consider is Zacchaeus. Alright? Zacchaeus. All right, you know the story. All right. What can you tell me about Zacchaeus? What are some things that you can see in his life? And we’re only giving just a little snapshot, but what do we see in Zacchaeus? What do you see in his personality, in his demeanor? What do you see in Zacchaeus that if you’re going to be advising him, you need to be mindful of?

And I’ve already seen it from a couple of people. Go ahead, say it. Say it or Ken will.

Let’s get it all out here. There he is, right there. Alright, yeah. Okay. Had your fun. Make fun of the short guy. Alright. But is there something to that? Yes. Yes. To some degree, you have to consider his stature. All right? And and and it’s not in negativity. This is something that more than likely he’s fairly self-conscious of. All right. He had the Neopol the Neopol you know, the Napoleon. That’s right, Neapolitan. I’m in ice cream here all of a sudden. Yeah. He he he had the complex before the guys even came around. Alright? Napoleon. All right. What else do you know about him? What else can you tell me about him? I’m sorry? Okay, he’s rich. He’s rich. That’s certainly worth keeping in mind. And why is he rich?

He’s rich because he got his riches from the people. Alright? What else do we know about him? Oh, I’m sorry, did I not turn this on? Oh. Oh, hear them. Okay. Yes. They’re much better than me. What else do we know about him? Go ahead. He’s short. Yeah, he’s short. Keep bringing that up, young man. Thank you very much.

Ken’s over here enjoying life. Yes, ma’am.

Excited. Oh, either um yeah. Yeah. I I I would say you you you see him as is an eager uh eager being from the standpoint he climbs up in this tree, you just wouldn’t see Jesus, right? Uh i some historians have looked at that and said, That was crazy. Why? What did he show by climbing up in the tree?

He he he he showed some humility. A a rich man doesn’t do that. All right. What what else? Yes, ma’am. Are you saying something?

Um that could be a negative time, too.

Well, what what’s interesting is he he’s certainly different from some in this crowd. He wanted to see Jesus.

So this is the way we sometimes describe it back home. This is fish jumping in the boat. All right. Don’t miss the fish that jump in the boat. All right. Uh we uh if you’re a visitor tonight, please forgive me, but we we we sometimes refer to visitors who come to our assemblies that nobody invited them, they just showed up. That’s fish jumping in the boat, folks. Don’t miss those. You know, that that’s a person to look out for. That’s what Jesus saw here. What else? Yes. Yeah. Uh would I think it would be fair to say that if you were to look at his personality, all right, from the standpoint that he’s looking, he’s got a hole somewhere. Does that make sense? He he he’s either got a hole in his heart, a hole in his life, may maybe he’s a little self-conscious.

Uh maybe he’s looking for some peace. He certainly have heard the stories of Jesus and he’s he’s he’s got a hole. What else? That hole would be empty. Yeah. Even though he has great riches and he’s loved by the Romans and has everything he could ever want physically in life. Yeah, it could be. Yeah. Now, what’s interesting, if you look at the rest of the story, does Jesus really have to twist his arm hard if you were to just look at the text? No. No, I was gonna tell this story. We we always try to follow up with everybody I can, including our young people at church. And there was this young man, he was, you know, getting on up in age, you know. He was still a teenager, but he was a you know, he’s an older, older teenager and kind of wondering where he was spiritually and what he was thinking, and so one day I decided to take him to lunch, all right, which is probably kind of weird for some guys who are the preachers taking me to lunch.

But you know, I’m good friends with all the kids. They know me from camp and the other. As soon as we got to the axby and set our food down, and and and and I was just getting ready to just say how’s things going. He goes, we still have anything about being baptized. I was like, okay, well, there we’re already there. Let’s go. You know, he just I just had to sit there and it was oh, love, love, blah, blah. I was like, this is great. I said, that’s Zacchaeus. You know? Well, whatever I stole, I’m gonna get back four folded if I dig this wrong or do this, but I don’t know, no, no, no, no, no. All right, because he’s empty. All right. Zacchaeus.

Does that make sense? He’s he’s a neat fella in that respect. Now, if you lived in that day and age, and you had to pay taxes, did you necessarily like him? No. I was going to say I have a social stigma. Yeah. His social stigma was probably that he was hated by the masses. And he was used to that. He was probably the guy that everybody made fun of. Can you imagine the short jokes with the riches? You know, the way he lives life. Is somebody raising their hand back there? Alright. And he’s hated. Okay? But Jesus treats him differently. Okay? Alright, let’s talk about the rich young ruler real quick. Alright, what do you know about this guy? What about this guy? If you want to look to the story, you can go to Luke 18.

What do you know about the rich young ruler? Yes, sir.

Alright. Now, you’ve got to give him that. He comes with a very good question. Doesn’t he? In fact, he comes with a great question. I mean, what preacher doesn’t want to have somebody go to, hey, what do I got to do to be saved? Why I got to have eternal life? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That’s a great question. So he comes with a good question. What else can you, though, say about him?

Yeah. He was a man of integrity, so he lived in ultimate life. Yeah. You could easily say, not just from the world’s point of view, but even the Jewish world’s point of view, they would say, that’s a good man. That’s a good. In fact, does he know his goodness? Just curiosity. Yeah, he knows his goodness too. I’ve kept all the I’ve kept all the law. Alright? So he says, yes, ma’am.

Okay. He wants life. Alright. He he wants good things. Alright. He wants eternal life. What else? Yes.

I you’re going to have to forgive me.

He wasn’t humble enough. Is that what you’re saying? Yeah. He wasn’t humble enough to give up riches? Is that what you’re saying? Okay. Alright. So we’ll say he struggles with wealth. Would that be fair? He struggles with wealth, struggles with riches, and there as a result struggles in humility. Good point. Great point. Yes, sir. I would say he was attached to the Yeah. And it it was a big struggle. Yeah, yeah.

He really couldn’t give it up, you know. He came with this great question. What do I got to do to be saved? You say, here it is. And he’s like, is there anything else? Yeah. The humility thing is almost partially countered by the fact that he came in the first place. He came with the right question. He had the humility to get part of the way.

But he had some of the humility. Right. So would you say he had words but struggled with action, maybe? Would that maybe be it? You know? To take it the next step? That’s good. Yes, sir.

All right. I I think that would be fair to say. He he struggled with it. Wait, have you ever thought about this? I just want you to think about something with his life. Where did his wealth probably come from? Yeah. He he got his wealth the old-fashioned way. He inherited it. Would that be fair to say? He’s rich. He’s young. And the ruler, don’t read way too much into that. More than likely, he was just responsible for great things that have been passed down to him, handed him. Not that uncommon for the eldest child to be responsible for much. Hence, in the story of the prodigal, the eldest son is out there attending to the business. Does that make sense? And so those priorities had responsibilities, and he struggled with his priorities.

That’s a good one. What else? Yes.

Alright.

Yeah.

Yeah. You know, you could almost say. When he came to Jesus with the question, did he already kind of have an answer in mind? And here’s what I want the answer to be. You know what I’m saying? He’s going to say, How often have you gone to church? Or Sabbath? Never missed Sabbath school a day in my life. You know? Look, did you notice that? I never I didn’t kill anybody. You know? I honored my parents. What’s interesting, at every single commandment of the Ten Commandments, you ever realize the commandment itself? Is it the pinnacle? What’s it the base and the foundation of each and every one of those commandments is the heart? Thou shalt not commit adultery if the foundation is thou shalt not what?

Lust. Alright. Thou shalt not steal at the foundation. Thou shalt not covet. See? He was good at the pinnacle. He struggled at the foundation of some of those things. Would that make sense? Yeah.

When Jesus responded to him about giving away his wealth, was Jesus demanding too much of him? Think about that. Alright? Because wasn’t this a rich man also? Just thinking. Just going out there. You had two rich guys here. This one he says, give it all up. Alright? Alright, let’s go to one more. The woman at the well. Alright. What do we know about her? She’s a Samaritan. Alright, she’s a Samaritan, alright? Which is really kind of an interesting story. She’s a foreigner to the Lord, somebody that most Jews wouldn’t mingle with. And in fact, it was amazing. If you go and just look at the first four verses, you have all these things that were so contrary to culture in mind. You have a man speaking to a woman, a Jew speaking to a Gentile, Jesus is tired, he’s been on a journey.

Alright. And there they are together in a way, just like everything’s going, wow. But yeah, she’s a Samaritan, yes. She’s been married long. Okay. You might say she had quite the lifestyle.

She had quite the lifestyle. Alright? Which, even in that day and age, that would have been whoa. Right. Today, you know, especially if they’re in Hollywood, we’re like, oh, they’ve only been married five times. They’re doing good. You know, but that day. Yes, sir. You can tell that that she felt that stigma because she was drawing water in the day, which is not going to be done water.

You could you could say that, you know, that maybe she, you know, she felt it and went out there during the day. There is something to that culture, yes, sir. Well, unlike the first two, she wasn’t seeking anything. Yeah. She was the well, exactly. Yeah. She just happened to be there. Yeah. She is a little different from the first two in in indeed. Uh wasn’t necessarily seeking, just an encounter. Great point. What else? Yes, ma’am.

And her guy well, after her drink. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, she’s not as in touch with who Jesus is as much either. She you know, and maybe it’s just because the news hadn’t traveled as much, you know, Samaria probably has a little bit, but yeah, she’s learning. Yes, sir. Uh she understood her dad in life, because when you just told her to give them some water, she was like, You had to meet kind of like far the downfall. Yeah. Wow, you asked me. Yeah. Yeah. What would you say that she, with a respect to her lifestyle, was aware that her lifestyle was not right? Would that be fair to say? Uh yeah. You certainly kind of see that as well. Alright, one more. The woman in adultery.

Alright. We just talked about her last night, this woman caught in adultery. Well, can you tell me about her? What do you think what do you feel about her character? I’m sorry? Oh my word. You talk about humiliation. Yeah, humiliation galore. All right. What else? Her wife was actually dangerous. Yeah. This was this was a near-death experience. Literally. If you go back and you study the law, she was guilty and worthy of death. Really? It really is more or less kind of a technicality, which is another study of her another day. But yeah. What else?

Okay. I I think it would almost be fair to say that she’s been used. Granted, she’s a sinner. Notice Jesus doesn’t say, Oh, I’m so sorry. They tricked you. You’re right, it wasn’t your fault. No, he never says that. In fact, he says, go and what? Send the more. You sinned. There’s you whatever the excuse is, or whatever the reason, you still you did it. And you did it willfully. But yeah, I think it’d be fair to say she was used and used by men, without a doubt. What else?

She has to be.

She has to be.

First Phil, going back to that wonderful book. First Phil Pinion. She probably had a horrible marriage.

And has no self-confidence in herself. She’s looking for love. She’s looking, you know, for some emotional support. Not justifying it. Don’t misunderstand. You know. But you see that in her. Alright. Now, here’s what I want you to think about, okay? Did Jesus treat all these people the same? Did he treat them all the same? No. Yes, sir. Is that what you’re saying? You have to be treated the same. For me, he met them where they were. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. He doesn’t treat the rich young ruler, though, like Zacchaeus. He meets them where they are. Alright? And even these two women, he doesn’t necessarily treat the same. And what I want you to grasp and look at with Jesus, Jesus the counselor. That when you look at all four of these people, they’re certainly in crisis mode.

2. He Gets To Know Them

This woman, without a doubt, I mean, it’s an emergency. It’s the worst case ever. This woman recognizes her lifestyle as not being what it should be. This guy is probably the greatest crisis because sometimes the people in the worst crisis are the people who don’t think they’re in a crisis, but they are. Make sense? And then this guy was searching because he had a big hole. You know. And what you see with all of them is that Jesus, Jesus does indeed meet them where they are. Here’s what I want you to grasp, and here’s here’s especially what I want you to see with respect to how we need to serve people. And this is what you see in Jesus. The first thing Jesus does is he gets to know them.

Now, granted, Scripture gives us a snapshot. And more than likely every single one of these cases, there was probably a little bit more to the conversation, maybe a little bit more going on, maybe a little bit more knowledge, all right? But at the same time, with every single one of them, our Lord is going to get a little bit of insight into their life. Zacchaeus, what in the world is a tax collector, a man of that kind of means, hanging out in a tree? I saw him over there. There is something going on. And when he goes up to Zacchaeus, what’s the very first thing he says to Zacchaeus? Get down. Why? Because I’m coming to your house. Now, here’s the thing about that. You talk about meeting somebody where they were.

Would any respectable Jew or rabbi go to that house? I mean, wasn’t that the big outcry against Jesus all the time? If you go to John, I’m sorry, you go to Luke chapter 15 and verse 1. The whole reason Jesus is sharing the lost parables, including the parable of the prodigal son, is because people saw him as a friend of tax collectors and sinners. Alright? So you see that he got going. The rich young ruler. How does Jesus get to know him? Well, he gets to know him a little bit by saying, all right, so that’s a great question. Let me ask you this. And what does he find out real quickly about the guy? Are you really interested? Is this really what you want? Are you here because you’re seeking the Lord and you’re seeking humility?

Or are you seeking to pat yourself on the back? What is it? He gets to know him. In fact, if you if you look at all four of the conversations, isn’t he hardest on this guy more than he is the others? Why is that? His heart’s not in it. Alright. Part of it’s his heart’s not in it, but what else? Think about it. What does this guy have that the other three do not?

Alright, to some degree, he has the answer in his head, but what does he have? What was he given?

I’m sorry?

He’s the religious guy. He’s the religious guy that grew up in the religious family that was given all the religious benefits that come with growing up in a quote, godly home, and he has learned the tradition, and he claims to know the law. Right? Of all four, who’s probably the most confident person out of the bunch? He is.

Does that make sense? Alright. What does he know about her? Well, this is the only one of the four where you might say Jesus played his God card from the standpoint that he found out a little bit more about her that you’re maybe not going to see visually, or maybe there was something that he knew just from living life, but he knew she had different husbands. Maybe our Lord figured that out. You know? Maybe, but he said, she said, I don’t have a husband. That’s right. You got five. But the point of our Lord revealing that was to do what for her? Well, who he was? Show him who he was. Show her who she was the one who didn’t know who he was. Does that make sense?

So she kind of got the miracle from that standpoint. This woman. What does he know about her?

Yeah. This was probably one of those times where Jesus, when he’s writing in the sand, and I would love to know what he was writing, wouldn’t you?

3. He Listens and Asks Good Questions

He was probably doing that parental thing that we all do, having to count backward from a hundred, so I just don’t annihilate these people and give them a good James and John. You know what I’m saying? These guys are scoundrels. They’re using her to trick me. Don’t do that. All right. Would you say he has a little bit of compassion for her? Yeah. What also I want you to see with this is he listens to all of them. One of the greatest urges we all have when we’re seeking to help somebody is that we want to talk.

And and generally we want to talk too fast. Uh any of you guys ever run into this talking to your wife? Anybody ever had that one happen? You know? She starts talking, starts talking the problem, and you’re like, oh, I gotta fix her.

And she’s like, I’m not done yet. Yeah, but I’ve already fixed it. Let’s move on.

And it’s that proverbial, I didn’t come to you for to fix it. I just came to you to listen. I’m like. All right. I can’t compute that.

But our Lord listens to him.

He goes to Zacchaeus’s house to listen. He listens to the rich young ruler. He listens to the woman at the well, and if anything, he listens to this woman, not to her words, but he listened to her reaction, to her humility, to her demeanor. And it was louder than words.

Tell you what, if you’re ever seeking to help somebody, this is so important. Ask good questions.

4. He Offers Hope

How are you feeling? Well, how did that go? And sometimes the best question to ask is a question that simply encourages people to think. Huh. So how did that go? That’s happened before. What do you think you ought to do? What do you think would be a good solution? How are you feeling about your relationship? Why do you think you have that hole in your heart? But then what he also does is he offers hope.

Our Lord, our Lord offers people hope. I think it’s very easy for us when we come to people that are in a crisis or in a situation that we immediately see the problem. And we want to fix the problem. When in reality the problem isn’t so much what we may see as the problem as it is they are living a life without hope. Because with their problem, and what you see on the outside is more than likely just a symptom of what may be much bigger on the inside. In Hebrews chapter 4 and in verse 5, this is a passage that we referred to Sunday morning in our Bible class hour. And the passage reminds us of who our high priest is. And if you’ll think of the role of the high priest, the high priest is the representative for the people, the God.

He is the one who speaks on behalf of the people and offers sacrifices on behalf of the people. In Hebrews 4 and in verse 15, here’s what it says of our great high priest Jesus. That he is one who can sympathize with our weaknesses. He can sympathize with our weaknesses. And yet he was tempted in every way, yet without sin.

I just want you to stop and think and think in terms of Jesus the man. Alright. Can Jesus to some degree sympathize with a guy like Zacchaeus? Yeah, he actually could in some way. Like, well, I know what it’s like to be hated. I know what it’s like to have a job that people don’t sometimes respect. Can he sympathize with a rich young ruler? Well, yeah, I I know what it’s like to keep the law and responsibilities of the law and the traditions of the law. And I I I can feel that confidence. You know, you you could you can see that in our Lord. And here’s what I want you to see, and this is so important when you’re working with other people. Be careful of allowing yourself to be placed on a precipice or a pinnacle.

As if you were perfect. It’s one of the biggest challenges for us as preachers sometimes. I don’t know why it is. I don’t know why it is, but some people think preachers are just immune to some things. Alright? Or the preachers around we got asked everyone. I went to a barber shop in Hueytown when we lived in Alabama. And it was just like every single time, every single time I walked in the door, the guy behind one of the chairs would say, Hey preacher, how are you? And that was a code word to everybody else to knock it off. I knew exactly what it meant. Just in case you didn’t know, a preacher’s here. That’s just great. That makes you feel so warm and fuzzy. One of our college students called me one day and he said, Mr.

Phil, can you meet with me? I’ve I really want you to meet with me. If you can meet me for lunch, which I knew, uh oh, something’s up. All right. Something’s up. Usually I’m the one calling me up. Hey, let’s have a little talk. Let’s go to meet. So we we got to Chipotle and we had just sat down. And it was one of one of those moments, as soon as the food hit the table, he goes, Mr. Phil, I gotta tell you, oh my word, I am struggling with pornography. It’s just eating my lunch. I I didn’t talk to my girlfriend, and she said, I really need to come talk to you. And I da-da-da-da-da. And he just starts, he just, I mean, he was a Zacchaeus.

Just blah, blah, blah, da da, da, da, da, da. He goes on for about 10 minutes and 10 minutes. And then he, and then right when he’s winding in, he goes, you know what? I I I just can’t wait until I’m your age, and this isn’t a problem anymore.

I don’t know what I did with my face, but when I looked at him, he he goes, Oh no, at your age, it’s a problem, too. I’m like, I’m gonna have to punch you right in the I’m gonna counsel you with a knuckle sandwich.

But you know what he needed to hear? Yeah. I’m not immune. I’m not immune. I I’m not perfect. I’m not here as some guru to tell you, yes, like Jesus. I’ve never sinned. No. No. In fact, we had a wonderful discussion, and I just talked to him about some things that Cheryl and I do, things in my life that are in place. So, Lord willing, I don’t fall into that trap headlong. She’s got all my passwords, total access to everything that I have. We’re constantly using same accounts and shopping uh things all the time. There’s a constant check, and it’s not like we’re just looking over each other’s shoulder, it’s just how we live our life. And I have accountability with some other guys at church, and we’re constantly in chat groups, checking everything, accountability from the standpoint, how you doing today?

Are you praying? You know, it’s just that constant, constant, constant communication. And and and so me and this guy said, It sounds like to you it needs to be taken up another level. It’s happening on your phone, this, that, and the other. I said, tell you what, let’s set some codes on our phones so we can we can just be accountable to one another. How about that? And he goes, Well, well, it’s not your problem. I need the code. I need it, I need it as well as you do. All right? Just because I haven’t fallen into the pit yet, like you have, doesn’t mean I’m immune to it. And so we both put a code on our phones. What was we didn’t realize was those codes are pretty sensitive.

You can’t even get on some news sites now because if anything just triggles it. And in fact, he called me later that day and he goes, Man, I need to know what the code is. I’m even trying to just get a job application in, this, that, and the other. I said, All right, here’s the code. Ahab. You got to type in Ahab every single time. And you know what? That’s a good code to have. Even if I know the password. If I have to punch in Ahab, it’s a reminder. My point is this, folks.

We’re not perfect. We’re not sinless. And the hope that we give people is not an opportunity for perfection because we’re perfect. No, not even close. The hope you give people is grace. The hope you give people is God’s mercy. The hope you give people is they’re still greatly loved. And sometimes the hope that you give them is, I know. I know exactly what you’re going through. How about we help one another? So, to all of you who are understanding and seeking a role as a counselor, understand that the word counselor simply means one who gives advice. And let me just encourage you to remember some encouragement. Anytime somebody comes to you with some big problems like these, if there is depression, if there is any kind of eating disorder, big anger issues, or massive need for marriage counseling, that’s above your pay grade.

That’s above my pay grade. I consider myself a first responder. I try to stop the bleeding. That’s all I do. And generally, by the time somebody calls me, it’s trauma. Most people don’t call you when they’re actually that’s not true. I I was many years ago, I was in Dothan. I mean, I was in, we were back in Alabama, and uh young couple comes and said, Mr. Phil, we’ve got to get with you. We are having some marital problems, marital problems, glory. Can you come meet with us tonight? I said, sure, sure, sure. So I get over there. And you know, I’m like, I’ve never really done this before. Why are they coming to me? I’ve barely been married 15 or 20 years. I haven’t been married long myself.

You know, I was like, what do I say? What I say? So I thought, okay, oh, I know how I’ll begin this. I’ll begin this. All right. Y’all help me out. Where are you on a scale of one to 10? One, you’re ready to divorce. 10, it’s marital bliss. Where are you? Well, what was funny was on my way home from meeting with them, my brother called me. And my brother goes, Hey, what you been doing tonight? I said, You’re not going to believe this. I’ve been giving marital counseling. He goes, No. You? Yeah, yeah. He goes, I’d love to hear what you had to say. I said, Oh, man, it’s pretty good. And so I went where I started. I asked him first thing on a scale of one to ten, where are you?

Ten, marital bliss. One, you’re ready to get divorced. And I said, Where are you? And he goes, Well, what did they say? Remember, 10’s marital bliss. One’s ready to get a divorce. He goes, What’d they say? I said, they said they were an eight. My brother started laughing. He goes, Did you ever did you tell them that you’ve never been above a three?

No, I kept that to myself. You crazy. But I got to tell you, they said eight. I was like, This is great. Well, let’s get it. You know? But that usually doesn’t happen like that. By the time they come to my office, they’re at a minus five. It’s above our pay grade. And here’s what I want you to hear just real quickly. We live in a society where there’s many, many, many, many people dealing with depression. And many teenagers. And the teenage population with depression is growing rapidly. Because of cell phones. Technology. Alright? Just my own little two bits. You can read up on that yourself. You got to get them help. It’s above your pay grade. They need to go to a professional. You need to encourage any and everyone you can to make sure they are associating with older Christians.

One of the things that we’ve lost, if we’ve lost it in a horrible way, even in many of our churches, is many of us do not have great and close interaction with those who are older than us. This was a staple in the Old Testament. In fact, the mothers and the fathers were with the mothers and their fathers, and the family was together, and they were surrounded by the men at the gates. The elders were at the gates for us to hang around. We’re losing that in our society today because we’re too confident. And we think we have it all together. Every single one of us need these older, wiser Christians in our lives to tell us and instruct us and give us their advice on education, on teaching our children, on nurturing our children, on our work in the Lord’s kingdom in every aspect of our life.

And you need to encourage people to do that. Because more often than not, people who are in these situations in one way or another are alone. And it’s not good for them. It is not good for man to be alone. Haven’t you heard that before? Encourage homework. Alright? We’re going to get together and spend time together. Then we need to have some follow-up and we need to have some accountability. Let’s read this, let’s study this. Let’s try to do this. Let’s talk about some things we can do together that we can follow up on so we can have progress. And then have some follow up. Have some follow-up. Being an advisor, being a friend, being a mentor, being a counselor is not a one time only deal.

It’s working. And you’ve got to be willing to be the shepherd to the sheep. And when is a shepherd, a true shepherd to sheep? When that shepherd smells like sheep. Why? Because you’ve been around them so much. It’s not one and done. In fact, I would imagine every single one of you can think of a time in your life, maybe fairly recently, where you were in crisis. You needed help. It wasn’t just a one conversation and done, and life was great and rosy. Give it some follow-up. Alright? Alright, let’s close this out. Okay. What do we want to be? We want to be a light to this world. I want you to remember that your light does not shine bright because you’re perfect. Your light does not shine bright because you’ve got it all together.

5. Become a Person Who Speaks With Grace

Because you don’t. I think that’s what John’s saying in 1 John 1. You think you’re without sin? What are you? You’re lying. You’re lying. But your light shines bright because you put your confidence in the grace of God. And you lean upon his love. And that’s what you seek to share with others. So merely as our take home, just some advice to counselors, okay? Here’s how, here’s how you get counsel. You become a person who speaks with grace. What is grace? What’s grace? Unmerited favor. So, what does that mean when you speak with grace? I told them exactly what they needed to hear and exactly who they are. Is that grace? Not necessarily. Now, sometimes with some people, it might not be that it may be a better thing to do if they fit in this category.

But sometimes grace is sharing favor. In fact, it’s it’s it’s it’s speech that is unearned, and it’s it’s like, well, it’s exactly what you read in Colossians 4 verse 6 that we become those who speak with grace, and as the proverb reminds us, a soft answer turns away wrath. We become individuals who seek to bring peace, seek to bring hope. And please keep in mind, please, please, please, please keep this in mind. More often than not, people who are dealing with great challenges in their life, they’re often going to be prone because of Satan’s entanglement to look for excuses. Is that fair? Anyone here an excuse giver? Okay. Please, you’re in church. I will not ask that a question again on you. Yeah. Yeah. And so grace means that I’m almost expecting that from you.

All right. But at the same time, I’m going to offer you hope. And even in the most wretched moral cases, be joyful that this person is talking with you. And they’re at least talking. There’s some hope there. Be careful that you don’t use your status or even the pulpit as a lot of things. One thing I will never, ever, ever do, and I strongly discourage you from doing this to Ken or Greg or anybody else in your pulpit. When you hear of something going on in the congregation or you hear of a challenge in somebody’s life that you run to them and say, you know what? You need to preach on this. I heard somebody had a beer ready to preach on alcohol. And you need to make it real loud and make sure it’s on Wednesday night when this person I know is going to be here.

Really? Is that fair? Is that grace? I tell you what grace is is having the conversation. Having the conversation in a way that, well, it comes across as very loving and kind. I know of an eldership. True story. Fellowship had heard about some men in the congregation who just got together one night at the lake. They thought it wouldn’t be okay for them to have a beer. One or two deacons are there, some of the other men, they thought it’s just okay as men. And the word kind of filtered down to the elders, and they’re like, oh, okay, we got to think about this and address this. So they went and had some one on one talks with some of the men, kind of hearing, yeah, okay, this kind of happened and this, that, and the other.

And so the elders thought, okay, here’s what we’re going to do. We want all the men of the congregation, all the men of the congregation to meet with us one Sunday afternoon. So they had them all in there, and all the elders sat up there before them. And the elders simply said, Y’all know that we’re responsible for your souls, right? And that we loved you more than you could ever imagine. I want you to listen to us as elders. Because we care so much about your soul. We know that some of you are struggling. Is it okay to have a social drink, even if it’s just mine? We know some of you are thinking that. We don’t want to have a big debate or study on that.

But we want to tell you as your elders, as those who are responsible for your souls. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. You’re endangering your reputation in one way. You’re endangering your service. You’re endangering yourself in a way that we don’t want to be responsible for it. And if you want to come and talk about whether you can or can’t, whether it’s good or bad, and talk about legalities of the law, we’d be more than happy to talk to you one on one. That would be fine. But we’re just asking you as your elders who love you and care for you, don’t do it. Don’t do it. The next Sunday they met with all the women and they told the women exactly what they told their men.

And it went away.

Didn’t come up again. And it wasn’t a debate, and you can have the debate. We love you. We want you to know we love you and we’re responsible for your soul. See, that’s grace.

6. Seek to Encourage This Person

It’s being creative in how you share it. But not only do you do you learn to speak with grace, but you want to you want to make sure that you seek to encourage this person. Just like we said in these encouraging notes, and listen to what Jesus says to Zacchaeus. Hey, I’m coming to your house. Uh, what do you say to one of the mountains? Go and sin no more. Be a light to this world. Go get your husband. You’re right. You know. But let me tell you about the mountain. The mountain where we’re all going to worship. Let me tell you. Let me tell you the hope that I offer the world. You’ll notice that our Lord found a way to help people become even more than they ever thought they could be.

And how did He do that? Well, to some degree, he helped them help themselves. Good counselors are able to do that. Good counselors are able to ask questions that are really good. So what do you think you ought to do? Alright? If you were giving advice to somebody in your shoes, what would you say? How can I help you help you? Because then there’s ownership of it. And there’s growth.

Conclusion

Let me wrap this up. You ever thought about the privilege? The awesome privilege God has given us to be his messengers. Isn’t that amazing?

One of the members at O’Gale. His wife would always work in a soup kitchen. And so she was always there helping feed families, and that’s this is something she did. It was one of her charitable acts that she did. And one day, as she was kind of outside with some of the people that were in line, there were some children there, and there’s this one child that seemed extremely bashful, and she walked up to her and tried to strike up a conversation, and the girl really wouldn’t talk. And she goes, Well, hey, honey, what’s going on? What can I do for you? And just try to share. And the girl just said point blank. I don’t think God loves me. Oh, no, honey. God loves you more than you could ever imagine.

In fact, our God is a wonderful God. Of course he loves you. She goes, No, he doesn’t. Because we’re so poor. It’s clear he doesn’t love me. Barbara reached down to this little girl, put her arms around her, and goes, Oh, yes, he does. And the little girl goes, No, he doesn’t. I don’t even have the dollar that you need to get in the suit. She goes, I will pay your dollar for you. Don’t worry about it. I want you to know God loves you. Well, yeah, that night when she got home, she was telling her husband, Linnace about what had happened. And as she was telling the story to Linnace, she was just crying. She was just crying. And Linus, like any compassionate husband was doing, was embracing his wife and saying, That’s okay, but you helped her.

You helped her. You gave her the money. That was the right thing to do. You gave her the money, that was the right thing to do. Don’t worry. And Barbara goes, No, no, no, you don’t understand.

That little girl, that little girl needed to hear God loves her. And God chose me to share that message.

You see, she was crying because of the great privilege that God had given her. That she got to be the arms of God. The voice of God. That she got to share the gift of God to that little soul. What a privilege. What a privilege. Do you realize the value of your life? Do you realize the purpose of your life? To be a light to this dark world. What a privilege. And we get to share to the world the love of God. All right, tonight. There might be somebody here who’s never experienced that love. I want you to hear, if you see yourself in any one of these categories, you have a Lord who’s willing to listen. You have a Lord who’s willing to follow up with you.

But more importantly, you have a Lord who is willing to die for you.

And he’s going to save you. If you’re willing to let Him. Y’all know what the first step of salvation is? Don’t say here. First step of salvation is grace. Followed by mercy. Followed by Jesus. Followed by the Word of God. For by grace you’ve been saved through faith, but not of yourselves. Not of works, lest anyone should boast. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ. And just like it says in John 3 16, for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son. And like it says in James 1, verse 21, this is the word that can save your soul.

You did nothing to deserve any of those. That’s your God. But will you listen to him? Hear him, believe his message of hope, repent of your sins, confess him as Lord, and be willing to allow him to wash your sins away. If you will, he has life forevermore waiting for you to fill that hole. And if we can help you in any way, in any way, fulfill that spiritual journey. That’s what we want you to do tonight. Do you have a song? Alright. Does everybody know it? Everybody knows. Everybody knows it but me. Just as I am. If you need to respond in any way, won’t you come just as you are to the Lord?