Let Not Man Separate

Introduction

Back from Oklahoma City in a gospel meeting out there and they have their services arranged like you folks do. And it’s good. Uh that’s good good arrangement. From your perspective. From my perspective, it’s sort of like uh, you know, kill the preacher Sunday, but we’ll uh we we’ll we we’ll we will try to adjust to that. I’m gonna tell you my wife Sue is with me and uh I mentioned uh in the other study that we just just had that uh you know we were sort of stranded in an airport uh yesterday. Uh we’ve kind of been stranded together for 49 years. We just celebrate our forty-ninth uh wedding anniversary. We have been blessed with three children and eleven grandchildren. Pictures are available on request. Let you know about that.

Uh right now. So the reason I even bring that up is is I want to talk about marriage in this particular study this morning. And I hope that’s uh agreeable with you. Uh and if it’s not, well you’ll have to find another class because that’s what that that’s that’s what we’re gonna be be talking about. You know what I found out, and and by the way, just for full disclosure, I I just gotta tell you. Uh I was raised in a broken home. And I was raised in a home that was broken a long time before homes were broken as much as they are now. And so I, even having been married for forty nine years, I recognize that I still have some uh some baggage that I have as a result of the home life that I grew up in.

And I just kind of get that out of the way right now to let you know that many of the things that I’m going to be talking about kind of comes from a personal perspective, insofar as my childhood and my home life with mom and uh and dad and my stepfathers and stepmother and so forth and so on. I come to realize at a very early age that this idea of a holy matrimony that really at one time was the foundational structure of every civilization was quickly, quickly eroding. It eroded in my family, and now it is eroding really across this country. And you know, the the thing about it, the thing about it is that what what that does to us as New Testament Christians, it puts us in a defensive mode.

It puts us in a position of, okay, now all of these divorces that are occurring, now we’ve got to kind of weed through them all and find out which one is a scriptural divorce and who can and who cannot be married. And all of these, and it’s plaguing churches, it’s causing problems, just a tremendous amount of problems. And so what I want to do this morning is I I can’t answer uh, you know, all the problems that are uh you know erupting in local congregations. I believe the Lord gave one cause and one cause only for divorce, Matthew 19 and verse 9. I believe that. And I believe that he gave only one cause, one cause for remarriage. Again, Matthew 19 and verse 9 for the cause of pornea fornication.

Uh but this is not what I want to address this morning. I want to talk to you about why can’t we avoid that? Why can’t we avoid the divorces? Why can’t we live in such a way that we’re going to respect what the Bible says about marriage? Isn’t there something that we can do in order to keep our marriages together? You remember Jesus said in Matthew 19 in verse 6, after he was asked the question, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? Jesus began to answer that question in such a profound way. Actually, Jesus answers the question in the negative three times. He said, Have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female?

And said, For this cause, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Then he says, What God has joined together, let not man separate. And so this is what I want to talk to you about this morning. What can we do? What can you do in your marriage relationship, or if you’re not married yet, what you can bring into a marriage when you do get married that will enable this marriage to continue so that you will not reach the point of raising your children or being part of a broken home. And this is as simple as it’s going to be. I’m going to talk to you about what we can do to keep our marriage from being separated.

If we’re really serious about it, if we’re genuinely interested in having a good and a godly relationship in marriage, there are things that we can do, and actually there are things that we must do in order to keep the marriage together. Because I’m going to tell you something. Even though the Lord gave one cause and one cause only for divorce, for the cause of cornea, fornication, sexual immorality, as some translations render that, do you realize that most marriages that dissolve, most marriages that end in divorce, even among believers, is not for the cause of fornication, it’s for other causes. And it’s it’s it’s it I believe it’s the result of not applying some biblical principles and guidelines. You know, the Bible tells us that God has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness.

2 Peter 3. And 2 Peter 1, brother, in verse 3. And the truth of the matter is, uh God knows how to regulate, solidify, and bless a marriage. There’s no question about that. You know, marriage is honorable among all in the bed undefiled, the Hebrew writer says in Hebrews 13. And so what I’m going to do this morning, I’m going to be as direct as God is in His Word, where He has granted to us all things pertaining to life and godliness. I’m going to be direct, and I hope that you will appreciate some of the things that we say. And I want to involve some of you in the discussion this morning as we get underway. We’re going to have three points that we’re going to talk about.

1. Respect Your Marriage as a Covenant

Point number one, if you want your marriage to be as solid and as permanent as God intended for it to be, then first and foremost, you need to respect your marriage as a covenant. And I’m going to come back to this idea in just a moment. Marriage is a covenant. And that’s very important for us to remember and it’s very important for us to focus upon. Marriage is not merely the tradition of Western civilization. Marriage, you know, a monogamous relationship, one man and one woman is not a result of an evolutionary process, a societal evolutionary process. That is, you know, you talk to a Western Civ teacher or you talk to a sociology teacher, they may say something to this effect. We don’t know when this idea of a monogamous relationship, one man and one woman actually had its beginning.

Well, I do. I know when it had its beginning. It had its beginning with God. Marriage is not merely a cultural tradition of a particular society or genre. Marriage was in the mind of God. Now, when Jesus was asked the question, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? What was the first answer that Jesus gave to that question? How did he begin his response? Say again. Have you not read? Now, what was he referring to? He was referring to the beginning. He was referring all the way back to the book of Genesis. So Jesus is jumping over Jewish culture. He’s jumping beyond Babylonian or Grecian or Roman culture. He’s going all the way back to the beginning. He said, Listen, let’s go back to creation.

God made them male and female. Have you not read? This is what God did in the beginning. Marriage was instituted and it was established by God for all time. And how I know that it’s for all time is because God says a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. Adam had no father and mother to leave. This was said for success uh for successive successive generations. This is said in reference to us today. And marriage, ladies and gentlemen, is called in Malachi 2 and verse 14, among other places, Proverbs 2. Marriage is called a covenant. It is a covenant. And this is something that we need to focus upon. You know, the word covenant in the Hebrew language is found about 260 or 80 times in the Old Testament alone.

Now, you think about, you know, the first covenant that God made, of course, is back when with the flood, after the flood. God made a covenant and put his bow in the sky, the rainbow in the sky, to promise that I will never destroy the world by water again. That’s a covenant. And then God made a covenant with Abraham. We understand that. We understand that we’re participants of that covenant that God made with Abraham now that we’re Christians. But I want you to think about something. When God made that covenant with Abraham, you remember you look in Genesis 15 and you find this covenant being made. You had a three-year old heifer and a three-year old female goat and a ram. And what you did is you cut these in half, and you put one half on this side, and you put one half on this side.

And you took a turtle dove and you did the same. And what happened? Then the flame went down that aisle or went down the middle of that. And that was solidifying the covenant. It was a covenant that was made between Abraham and God. Now I want you to think about the marriage relationship. When we, when a man and a woman marries, it becomes a triad. It’s one man and one woman and God. They have made an agreement to be together. They’re making exchanging vows, they’re forming a covenant. It’s more than a contract. A contract, ladies and gentlemen, is between two consenting parties that’s really entered into with mistrust. That’s why you have all of these, you know, lawyers and so forth and so on are involved in that.

But a contract can be broken by mutual consent. A covenant cannot. We form a covenant, and we ask God to join us together. Here’s a man and here’s a woman. They’re going to make promises to each other. They’re going to make promises to their families, and they’re going to make promises to God. And in those promises, they’re saying I’m going to bring certain things into this covenant. Both of them are saying that. And then they’re asking God to join them together in this covenant. That’s what God does. What God has joined together in this covenant. And when we begin to respect marriage as a covenant, I’m telling you, ladies and gentlemen, it begins to answer a multitude of problems that we have. It’s a covenant. Now just think about it.

I want you to just kind of picture this in your mind. Here is a couple that are getting married. Neither have been married. And they’re standing before the preacher. And I performed lots of marriage ceremonies. And so here you have a man and you have a woman that’s standing here. And the preacher usually begins by saying something. We’re gathered here before God and these witnesses. To witness the joining together of this man and this woman in the covenant of holy matrimony. You know that. Oh, and by the way, they’re walking down the center aisle. Just like the flame passing through between the half of heifer, ram, goat. Okay, they’re standing before the preacher. And he says something to the man to this effect. Do you promise to love and honor and cherish this woman whose right hand you now hold?

Do you promise to be true to her, forsaking all others, and cleave unto her and her only for as long as you both shall live. Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish in sickness and in hell for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse. You know these words are some very similar to them. And he vows to her and to her family and to God. This is what I’m going to do. And she, the same thing. Do you promise to love and honor and obey this man whose right hand you now hold? To be true to him and him only, for as long as you both shall live. Forsaking all others. In sickness and in health, for richer for poor, for better or for worse.

You know the routine. And she says, I do. I take you as my lawful wedded husband. He says, I take you as my lawful widow. You know what they have done? We call this exchanging vows, and it is. But what they’ve done, ladies and gentlemen, is they have asked God to solidify a covenant that they are making. And God is called to witness this. God is called to join them together, thus forming a covenant. Very often, when I am performing a marriage ceremony, I will read these verses from the book of Ecclesiastes. When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it. For he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed better not to vow than to vow and not pay.

Ecclesiastes 5, verses 4 and 5. So what this means is when I make these promises, hey, you know what? I better not enter into this lightly because you know what? I have formed, or God has formed a covenant here. It’s a covenant between my wife and me and God. And I don’t have the intent, I don’t have the liberty to break that covenant, even by mutual consent. This is, you know, that’s it’s more than an agreement. It’s more than a contract. It is a covenant, and we’ve got to respect it as a covenant. We can’t walk away from it. And I’m going to tell you something else. What that means is when there are problems that we encounter in the marriage relationship, and there will be problems.

Do not misunderstand me. There will be issues. There will be problems. But when there are issues and there are problems in this marriage relationship, what is the one word that never gets brought up? Divorce. Divorce. Divorce is the one word, you don’t have the liberty to throw the divorce word on the table. You formed a covenant. And you and I, as covenant makers, we’ve got to have the moral integrity to keep the promises and the vows that we have made to our spouse and to God. Whenever a couple throws out the divorce word on the table, when the going gets tough and there are problems in this marriage and there are issues that have to be solved. Well, you know what? We can always just break this marriage, or we can always just divorce.

When that happens, when that happens, I’m going to tell you that marriage has weakened, and that marriage is on the road to destruction. Because all in the world that does. That just creates an atmosphere of mistrust. That creates an atmosphere of just doubting that this thing is going to work. It just gives us an out. Don’t do that. Respect your marriage as a covenant. You got problems? Okay. There are things that you can do to solve those problems. If you have issues, okay. There are things that you can do to solve those issues. But one thing you can’t do is just walk away from the covenant. You can’t walk away from the joining together that you ask God to perform. You know, I tell people it’s kind of simple.

I’m a simple guy. People ask me how long I’ve lived in Indiana, long enough to lose my southern accent. I’m originally from southeastern Kentucky. I tell people when I was a boy growing up in southeastern Kentucky, I was just a hillbilly. But you know, we’ve got more sophisticated than that. I’m Appalachian American now. But so, yeah, you know, so I’m kind of a simple guy. So I like to put things in simple terms. You know, it’s it’s sort of like this. Okay, you and your husband or you and your wife, you’ve got to picture yourselves as the only two people on earth that you have a right to. This is it. Nobody else. You don’t have a right to anybody else. I tell people, it’s sort of like living on a deserted island.

Now think about it. Think about that. I’m gonna create a picture in your mind. I hope. I hope I care. Create a picture in your mind of here is a married couple, a man and woman married, they’re living on a dessert. Nobody else on this island. It’s a dessert, all by themselves. And they’ve got this little lean to hut that they’ve built, you know, and there’s they’re they’re making do the best they can. And here one morning, this fella is out in about knee-deep water, and he’s got this bamboo that he’s fashioned into a spear, and he’s fishing. And he’s he’s jabbing and just like this. He’s trying. It’s like this. It doesn’t do it. No good. Comes up empty. And so he’s famished, and he goes back to his little lean two hut, and there’s his little sweet wife sitting there, and he says to her, he says, Dear, it’s about lunchtime.

What are we having for lunch today? And she says, Well, we’re going to have pineapple. Plenty of pineapples on this island. We’re going to have pineapples for lunch. He’s pineapple. Ho, ho, ho. Pineapples? Are you kidding me? Pineapples? We have pineapples for breakfast. As a matter of fact, we’ve had pineapples for the last six meals. I’ve been counting. And she says, you know, she’s not going to be outdone. She says to him, so well, I’ll tell you what, if you’re a better fisherman, we’d have fish to go with those pineapples. And so, you know, you’ve got this little friction here. And this thing begins to explode and roll, you know. So, can you picture in your mind this husband saying to his little sweet wife, the pineapple maker, listen, I’m out of here.

We can just get a divorce. As a matter of fact, I’m just going to leave today, and I’m going to move to the other side of the island. Can you picture that? Really? Can you picture that? He’s not moving to the other side of the island. And there are two good reasons why he’s not moving to the other side of the island. I’ll give you the best one first. There’s nobody else over there. There’s nobody he can move in with. And the second reason, he’d have to pitch his own pineapples. And you don’t want to do that. So you see, what they do is they work this out. This is the way we’ve got to be. We’ve got to work out our differences and the problems that we may experience in our marriage relationship.

2. Nurture the Companionship

And as I say, there will be problems that we’re going to encounter. But if we respect our marriage as what it is, a covenant. We will not just so readily and so easily just dissolve or seek to dissolve the covenant. So respect it as a covenant. Second point. Not only respect your marriage as a covenant, but nurture the companionship that you now enjoy as a husband and a wife. I’m going to say a word about this word companion. We hear this word companion tossed about, bannered about today in all kinds of ways. You know, you may have someone who lives alone and they have a cherished pet. And very often, when that person who’s lived alone has died, you may even see in the obituary that, you know, they left their, you know, Irish setter, their companion.

And so we use that word to describe our relationship with a pet, an animal. Or someone who is in a heterosexual relationship, unmarried. Well, that’s she’s my companion. Or he’s my companion. Or especially it’s used in a same-sex relationship. Someone who is in a same-sex relationship with someone, a homosexual relationship, a lesbian relationship, that person is said to be a companion. And I’m going to tell you what that does. That takes a very beautiful concept that’s revealed in the scripture and that has perverted it and polluted it. And I’m not, I’m not, you know, you may have pets that you’re very close to. I’m not, it’s just, that’s your pet’s not a companion. It’s not a companion at all. Malachi 2 and verse 14 speaks of one’s wife as his companion.

And the same would be true insofar as a woman’s husband is concerned, he would be her companion. I want to ask you another question here. Just speak right out. Let me let me know what you what you think. When we read in Genesis 1 and 2 of God creating, especially Genesis 1. But we read of God creating the heavens and the earth in six, and I believe he created in six literal 24-hour days. I do believe that.

God at the end of that looked at his creation and he said what? It is good. Day two, created. It’s good. Three, four, five, and six, it is good. But now, can somebody tell me the one thing God created when he looked at? He said, mm-mm. Not good. Say again.

Man. Alone. Genesis 2 of verse 18, God said, It is not good for a man to be alone. Don’t you find that interesting? Of all of God’s creation, God looked at the man and said, man being alone is not good. And so he, you know, he brings all the animals before Adam, and Adam can name all the. You know the interesting part about that? They all were in pairs, I’m sure. You know. Here’s Mr. and Miss Mosquito. Here’s Mr. and Mrs. You know, Mouse. And on and on. But there’s no Mrs. Adam. And God said it’s not good for a man to be alone. You know, I gotta tell you. It’s kind of kind of an interesting little anecdote here. I I was preaching a number of years ago in a small southern Kentucky congregation.

And the building was sort of arranged interesting. It was sort of like this, without the, you know, I told somebody a while ago, those are chief seats in the synagogue. But over here, do you know what’s that? You know, they used to be, but it’s a little church, it had these two rows like that. But over here, oh, over here on this side over here, they have benches that come out this way. You ever seen churches have that? Benches come out there. And the same thing on that side. They had kind of facing sideways. Uh, like this. And for some reason, and I don’t know why, the older men in the congregation would sit over here. No women sit over here. As a matter of fact, the older women in the congregation sit over there.

And no men sit over there. And but didn’t this again, we call this the amen corner. Now, they didn’t, we didn’t call that the women corner, but anyway. This was the amen corner. And the reason that we call it the Amen corner is because these old fellows, you know, they they’d let roll a good hearty amen. You know. You hear something they like, they say, Amen. You know, you don’t do that anymore. I’m just kind of beside. People don’t do that much anymore. I don’t know why. Well, somebody told me one time that they thought that the reason that people didn’t say amen in church anymore is because somebody started a vicious rumor in a business meeting. And that is it me?

But anyway, says somebody started a vicious rumor in a business meeting that every amen the preacher got, he got a raise.

Well, they didn’t believe that in that little congregation. And so I’m I’m, you know, the preacher, they’ll say amen at once. Well, I was preaching on marriage one time and the permanency of marriage. And uh and I come across Genesis 2 and verse 18, and as I told you earlier, I get a little passionate in what I’m doing. And I said, Well, you know, the Bible says it’s not good for a man to be alone. Oh, Marvin Anderson over here, he let roll. Amen. I appreciate it until I stopped to think, you know, Marvin was 78 years old, never been married a day in his life. And the congregation sort of responded like this, you know. Well, but you know, I catch on pretty quick sometimes.

And I got to realizing, you know, if anybody in that congregation understood the meaning of Genesis 2 and verse 18. In practical terms, it would have been Marvin. Marvin never had a life’s companion. Marvin’s passed on now, he never married. Marvin knew what loneliness can do to the human spirit. God knew what loneliness could do to the human will to live and function. And so what God did is create for man a help suitable to man. God created a woman and brought her to the man. And that became a companionship. And you know, so intimate is this companionship between a man and woman. That Jesus referred, and the Bible refers to it as being one flesh. You’re thinking about it, just one. Hey, I know sometimes we want to limit that to the marriage bed.

And it would have, it would involve the marriage bed. There’s no question about that. Man and woman are biological counterparts to each other. And the marriage bed, 1 Corinthians 6, verses 1 through 5, is a very beautiful and vital part of the marriage relationship. There’s nothing filthy about it. There’s nothing ugly about it. There’s nothing shameful about it. It is, as a matter of fact, if we withhold our bodies from our spouses, we are guilty of defrauding, which is a sin. We can’t do that. We can’t use the marriage bed as a bargaining chip to get our way. We can’t use the marriage bed as a means of punishing for something that was done. This is wrong. Yes, it’s intimate, it’s one flesh. But it goes beyond that.

In this companionship that we have that God has enabled us to form in this covenant. It goes beyond the marriage bed. You know, we become one flesh in a lot of lot of areas. We become one in thought. We become one in intent. We become one in desire. We become one flesh. You know, it’s just a beautiful and a and a very rich concept and idea. And as a matter of fact, I think so intimate is this idea of one flesh in areas outside the marriage bed. And I tell people this. I think it involves our spouse being the very best friend that we have on the face of the earth. I just got to raise. Thank you. But I really do. I tell people your spouse should be not only your lover, but your best friend.

Not just your husband or your wife, but your best friend. When I was 12 years old, my grandfather died, my paternal grandfather. And when we were called, we were living in Louisville, Kentucky at the time. We were called down to the country. And when we got there, my grandmother, who was widowed at 53. Granddad died at 56. Grandmother was widowed at 53, and I was 12. And I was almost as tall as grandmother was.

Grandmother comes out of the back room and she sees me standing there and she comes and throws her arms around me. And she said this to me. She said, Honey, I’ve lost my best friend. Twelve years old, you don’t understand that. Twelve years old, you have no clue as to what’s going on, other than the fact that someone has died. You fast forward a few years. To February 24th, 1968. I understood vividly what grandmother was talking about. I married my best friend. And this is a companionship that we nourish and we cherish and we grow together. We didn’t wrap our lives around our children. We loved our children. We provided for our children. But our lives did not revolve around them. It revolved around us. Because if you make your life revolving around your children, you’re neglecting your companion.

And very often this happens. You know, meals, life, church, all these things very often revolve around the needs and the wishes and the desires of children. To the neglect of the companion. And one of these days, these children are going to reach the age that they’re going to do exactly what God tells them to do, and that is to leave home and be joined to a husband or to a wife. And to form a new relationship. And so here’s this poor couple over here that all their lives were focused upon their children, and now the children leave home and they’re empty. And I’m not talking about just an empty nest. I’m talking about being vacant inside. Because they don’t know each other. They haven’t nurtured and cultivated this companionship.

It’s sad. But you’ve got to nurture and you’ve got to cultivate this companionship. I tell people it’s very simple. I have a savings account. I have 401ks. I have some sort of retirement portfolio. I have a home. And you know what? I want my best friend’s name along with mine on each of those. I love to take vacations. And when I take a vacation, I wouldn’t think of taking a vacation without my best friend accompanying me on that vacation. And I don’t want to have a checkbook with just my name on it. I want a checkbook that has my name and my best friend’s name on that. Because we’re one flesh. We have the same hope, the same dreams, and the same aspirations. And we try to get to know each other.

You know, just stop and think for a moment. How well? How well do you really know your mate, your spouse, your companion? I mean, really. Do you know what her fears are? Ladies, do you know what his anxieties are? You know, these are things that, you know, I kind of reminds me of a thing that I heard several years ago said happened in Nashville, Tennessee. Now, I know we’re in the deep south, but Florida’s not considered the deep south. Somebody said Florida’s a northern state. I don’t know. I’m not here to argue geography. So, unless you’re from the South, you will not understand what I’m telling you. But I understood that this couple was having some problems. They decided they were going to go to a marriage enrichment seminar in Nashville, Tennessee.

And so they were sitting there with a number of other couples in this seminar. And so the instructor was kind of giving them all a little quiz to see how well, just like I was talking about a moment ago, do you know your companion? And this one old chucklehead that was there, I guess he thought he was going to be tested on this or going to be graded. And so he’s trying his best to answer the questions. And so the question was asked, what is your wife’s favorite flower? Oh, man, that’s a oh, man, what is that? Oh, man. So finally he’s going to cheat. So he looks over at his wife, he elbows his wife, and he said, Your favorite flower, said, it’s Martha White self-rising, ain’t it?

3. Maintaining Good Communication

He was right where he needed to be. I’ll just tell you that right now. But you know, there’s some seriousness about this. We’ve got to be in tune with and aware of the needs and the thoughts and the hopes and the dreams and the fears of our spouse. Because you know what? We’re one flesh. God has formed us a companionship. And then third and finally, we can further strengthen this union by maintaining good communication. Now, I tell you what, now a lot of times we may think, eh, GR, I’m not sure how important that is. But it is. It is important. And the reason that I say that is because a foundational fact of any relationship is communication. Did you know that? You know, Amos said, Namos 3 and verse 3, can two walk together unless they are agreed.

You can’t do it. You’ve got to have some sort of agreement. You’ve got to be able to communicate with each other. As a matter of fact, I think that’s one of the problems that we’re experiencing in this country. We can’t talk to each other. Liberals can’t talk to conservatives, conservatives can’t talk to liberals, you know, Republicans can’t talk to Democrats, Democrats can’t talk. And it’s just it’s a it’s a it’s a divide. And I mean it could get very, very serious. Uh churches have problems because there’s a lack of communication in churches. And families have problems because many times there’s a lack of communication in families. And so what I would say to you is that husbands and wives learn how to communicate with each other.

Communication is not monologue, it’s dialogue. It is a two way street, it goes both ways. Now, the apostle, sometimes when I’m talking to a couple that’s having some problems and I listen to them just a little bit, I will tell them, I say, okay, what we’re going to do right now is we’re going to do a Bible study. I’m not a counselor, not a marriage counselor, not an advisor in any kind of way. I’m a gospel preacher. And I’ll direct you to what the Bible says. Let’s have a Bible study. I say, now take your Bible and open it to the book of Ephesians. I don’t tell them where, I want to watch what’s being done. And so when I tell them to open their Bible to the book of Ephesians, you know what, ladies and gentlemen?

They always open it to Ephesians 5. Because that tells us what a husband’s relationship to his wife is about, a wife’s relationship to her husband is about. But you know what I tell them? I say, you’re a chapter too far. Go back to Ephesians 4. Because your problem surrounds communication. You don’t have to talk to each other. And Paul in Ephesians 4 gives us some insight into the skills of communication. Not just in the marriage relationship, because he’s not talking about primarily the marriage relationship here. He’s talking about being a Christian. Now, if you’re a Christian, these are some qualities that you are to have. Notice that he says in verse 22. You put off concerning your former conduct the old man, which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lust, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind.

You put on the new man, which was created according to God in true righteousness and holiness. Now, in practical terms, what does this say? Well, look at verse 25. And this is what I will very often apply to the marriage relationship. In verse 25, he says, speak the truth. Therefore, putting away lying, let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor. For we are members of one another. Now, you can see how important that is in a congregation. And you can see how important that is in a neighborhood. And if it’s important in both of those areas, why isn’t that extremely important in a marriage relationship? Speak the truth. Tell one another the truth. Somebody said, I don’t lie to my husband. And I don’t lie to my wife.

Yes, sometimes we do. When we do not open up honestly what an issue is. If we hold it in, we’re not speaking the truth. To one. You know, it’s like this. You come in a situation, you know, maybe it’s the husband, maybe it’s the wife. I’m not trying to be uh, you know, selective here. But, you know, you come in and he says to her, he says, dear, is something wrong? No. Well, you, you know, we we’ve been sitting here for 30 minutes and you haven’t said a word. Have I done something to upset you? No. Well, if I did, would you tell me? No. You know, these kinds of things. That’s not being honest. We’ve got to open up and be honest with each other.

Speak the truth. Do so in love. Don’t flush out in anger what it is that the issue, you know, lay it on the this is what’s bothering me. It’s like a couple I was talking to one time. They they told me this is it, we’re done. They got married in July, and this was November, December. This is your kid. This is over. Irreconcilable differences. I said, Okay, what is it this time? We’d already had several studies together. What is it this time? And he said, Well, I’ll tell you what, J.R. He said, I’ve just I’ve had it up to here. He said, She goes to work a little bit before I do, and when I get up and go in the bathroom, and I’ve told her a hundred times, if I have told her once, unplug your curling iron.

Not going to take it anymore. Well, you know what? After a little bit, I come to realize that a curling iron was not the issue. It was not the. That was just the thing that he was holding on to. And the same is true in a lot of. I asked her, what’s your problem with him? Well, he plays softball on Tuesdays and he comes in and he sits down in that old dirty softball uniform right in the living room, takes his old dirty softball socks off and rolls them up in his glove and sets it right on the floor. Well, that wasn’t the issue. She was feeling as though she had been taken advantage of. He was feeling as though he was disrespected. You know, you’ve got to speak the truth with one another.

Then he says in uh in verse 26, He be angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath. Don’t go to bed sulking and angry and mad with each other. You ever done that? I know you have. I’m going to describe it. You had a little riff there, and you just kind of you go to bed, and you lay on one side and she lays on the other, and you’re just as stiff as a board. Just lay there and suck all. Paul says, don’t do that. Paul says, open up with each other. You know, don’t blow up, don’t clam up, just open up and don’t go to bed angry. Settle things. Don’t point your fingers at each other in disgust.

Conclusion

You know, I tell people it’s okay to point fingers in an argument, but not at each other. You take both of the participants in that, and you point it at what the issue is. And you try to solve it together. Then he says, and we’ll close. Verse 29, let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth. But what is good for necessary edification? Too often words are said in anger that ought never to be said. I hate you. You’re fat. You’re ugly. You don’t, you know, I shouldn’t have married you. These are ugly words that scar. Now, Paul says, let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth. Learn how to communicate. Keep your marriage together. Respect the covenant. Nurture the companionship. Learn the art of communication.

Thank you.