Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage – Part 2

Introduction

What a blessing it is to be here. A blessing to see all your smiling faces and to have worshiped with you thus far this morning to sing songs of praise and to pray with you and to most importantly observe the Lord’s Supper and what a blessed thing that is that we could do together. I’ve said before, and I’ll say it again that I feel unworthy to be here. I feel unworthy to be standing before you this morning. But I am very grateful and humbled at the opportunity. And I think we can all say that we are unworthy. We’re unworthy of God’s richest blessings, and we’re unworthy of the fellowship in his son. But thankfully, God has God has made a way for us to have that, even though we don’t deserve that.

And what a blessed blessing that is.

1. Matthew 19: The Rule and the Exception

And they need it with compassion, and they need it with patience, and they need it with love. But they need God’s truth without apology. And so we need to be equipped so that we can help to teach God’s will to others. So we’re going to review first what we talked about last time. And we’re going to start in Matthew 19. So you could turn there if you will. We’re not going to look at the full context we looked at, but we’re especially going to focus in on verse 9, where Jesus said, and I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman, commits adultery. Now, this was stated in the context where the Pharisees had approached Jesus and said, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?

And Jesus said, Well, in the beginning, God intended for it to be one man, one woman for life, and they are one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. I’m summarizing. And they said, Oh, well, why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away? And do you remember which passage they were referring to? Those of you who are here. Deuteronomy chapter 24. So that’s a good thing to try to remember. And that is where in the law of Moses it was permitted to divorce. And so Jesus says, Yes, it’s true. Moses permitted you to divorce, but it has not been this way from the beginning. And so Jesus was restoring God’s original marriage law. And that’s when he says in verse 9, and I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for immorality and marries another woman, commits adultery.

Now, the first thing that we we like to jump on is the exception clause. That’s our favorite part. And it’s an important part because Jesus said it. But we need to understand the rule first. And that’s what I did in that sermon last Sunday. The rule is whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery. That’s the rule. And there is one exception to that, and that’s immorality getting in the mix there. By the way, Matthew is the only one of the gospels that has the exception clause. And it has it twice, once in Matthew 19 9 and once in Matthew 5 32. We don’t see the exception clause in Mark or in Luke, and to my memory, we don’t see anything in John about divorce.

Now, that’s to my memory, so you might remind me if I didn’t see that. But I do want to show you in Mark the parallel to Matthew 19. Go to Mark chapter 10, and I don’t have this up on the slide, so just turn with me. I invite you to turn it, even if it’s on the slide. But uh Mark chapter 10, in the parallel, after Jesus speaks with the Pharisees, verse 10 says, In the house the disciples began to question him about this again, and he said to them, Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. What do you notice there? It’s the rule.

And part of the thing we can get from that, part of the lesson we can get from that is that what applies to the man applies to the woman. And so the rule applies both ways, and I think obviously, therefore, the exception would work both ways. Now, going back here to Matthew 19, let’s kind of focus on this. Whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman, commits adultery, and that is the Greek present tense, so it is a continual thing. It’s not a once upon a time commit. If he marries this woman, it is continual adultery, as we saw it rendered there in the New American Standard in Mark 10, at the end of that last verse we looked at. Is committing adultery.

Same exact Greek words there, but there it’s translated is committing adultery. Here it’s just commits adultery, but it’s the same words. So that’s the idea. It is a marriage of adultery. And as long as that marriage remains intact, then the adultery remains intact. And the only way to repent in such a situation is to end the marriage, thus ending the adultery in that type of situation. An adulterous marriage. So to look at it in chart form, we have in in uh Matthew 19 and verse 9, here’s the rule. You have the man and the woman. This is a scriptural marriage that Jesus is talking about in the first place. So it’s a scriptural marriage. The man divorces his wife for whatever reason. And uh then he marries another.

Well, now he is committing adultery, and by the way, so is she. So this is an adulterous marriage, and that’s the rule. Now, if we were to look at the exception. How would that play out? Okay? How would that play out? You have a man and a woman, this is a scriptural marriage. In this instance, he doesn’t divorce her for whatever reason. In this instance, she commits adultery against him.

And now he has the option to divorce her and remarry. Now he doesn’t have to do that. He can try to make it work. He doesn’t have to make it work. He may not be able to make it work because she may not want it to work. Okay? But he has the option, and it is completely pleasing in God’s sight, and therefore we cannot stand in judgment of one whose spouse has committed adultery against him or her, who then decides, I’m going to divorce and I’m going to remarry. So the man divorces his wife for her immorality. And that is the cause for the divorce. Then we have the man remarrying, and in that case, that would be a scriptural marriage. Now what I’m trying to do simply is to say this is what the Bible says.

2. Matthew 5: He Makes Her Commit Adultery

It has nothing to do with me or you, my opinion or your opinion. This is simply objective the words of Jesus. I’m just mapping it out for us. Okay? So that’s Matthew 19. And then we also talk about Matthew 5. And that’s in the Sermon on the Mount. And in verses 31 and 32, Jesus said, It was said, whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce, which is referring to what passage in the Old Testament? Deuteronomy 24. Okay? Verse 32, Jesus says, But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, and it’s the same Greek word as in the other verse, for Nea. So sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. Then he adds, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

So if we start by looking at the rule here, and by the way, before I do that, go to Luke 16 18. I mentioned that Matthew, Mark, and Luke are the only three gospels that mention about divorce. And I mentioned that Mark and Luke do not have the exception clause. So look here in Luke 16 18. Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery. And he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery. So that last part, that second phrase here, we see that same phrase used in Matthew 5 32 at the end of that verse. Okay? I just wanted to point that out to you. So you got a man and a woman. This is a scriptural marriage. And the husband divorces his wife for just whatever reason.

He just, you know, fell out of love. Their love ended. It didn’t last anymore. And so that was it. It ran out. There’s no more of that love stuff. So I’m done with you. And so I’m gonna, I’m gonna, I’m gonna divorce you. So he divorces his wife for just any reason. But Jesus says he makes her commit adultery. That makes her commit adultery means he puts her in a position to commit adultery. He can’t make her commit adultery. That’s something that she does by her actions, but he puts her in the position. She didn’t do anything wrong. She didn’t commit adultery. He divorced her, and here she is left, and if she remarries, she will be an adulteress. She has to remain single. And who put her in that situation?

The husband. You see how selfish divorce for just any reason is? It is so selfish. Not only are you putting your soul in danger, but you’re putting somebody else’s soul in danger. And so Jesus here not only condemns remarriage, but he is condemning divorce itself for just any reason because of the position that it puts the innocent party in. They cannot now remarry. And if they do, Jesus says, a man who who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. So we put those together here, and you can see clearly what has happened. The woman committed adultery after the husband divorced her by marrying a man. And whose fault was this whole thing in the beginning? The selfish man who divorced his wife for any reason at all.

3. Romans 7: Bound by Law Until Death

He shares responsibility for her adultery, and he will stand in judgment for that. That’s a very, very serious matter. So that’s Matthew 19 and Matthew 5. So try to remember those two passages. Okay, so Matthew 19 and Matthew 5 are the two chapters in Matthew that deal with divorce, and the only passages that deal with the exception clause. Now we’re going to turn our attention to Romans chapter 7. And by the way, I’ll just come out and say it. I see some heavy eyelids, and that’s okay. It doesn’t hurt my feelings anymore. They used to hurt my feelings. You know, back when I first started preaching, and I would get on to people from the pulpit and start pounding and trying to make people wake up.

I don’t do that anymore. I just ignore it. But I see some heavy eyelids, and let’s just face it, this is technical stuff. This is not one of those exciting kind of a sermons, and they can’t all be that way. So I want to invite us all to really focus our minds and expect this to be a study. That’s what this is. It is a study. So in Romans chapter 7, this is Paul in verses 2 and 3 who writes, For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living. But if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning her husband. So then if while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress.

But if her husband dies, she is free from the law so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man. This is a very simple, simple passage. The basic idea being a married woman is free to go and marry somebody else if her husband is dead, but not while her husband is alive. And we look at that and say, well, obviously. Okay, that is a pretty obvious point. But there are some very important things we can learn about marriage from this passage, specifically about the binding that we read about, bound by law. So we’re going to focus on that in a minute. But we need to make sure first to see the context. Do you know that Paul is not here trying to make a big point about marriage?

That is not his first and primary goal here. Uh it’s an illustration he gives to make a larger point. And the larger point is he’s writing in this passage specifically to Jews. And he says in verse 1, or do you not know brethren? For I am speaking to those who know the law. That would be the law of Moses. That the law of Moses has jurisdiction over a person as long as he lives. Okay, we understand that. And then he gives the illustration. A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives, but if he dies, she’s free to marry another. And then he says in verse 4, therefore, my brethren, you also were made to die to the law through the body of Christ, so that you might be joined to another to him who was raised from the dead in order that we might bear fruit to God.

Verse 6. But now we have been released from the law of Moses, having died to that by which we were bound, so that we would serve in newness of the Spirit and not in oldness of the letter. So that’s his ultimate point he’s trying to make to his Jewish audience in particular, but it applies to Gentiles of all ages and Jews. But he’s writing to them saying, Listen, you are not bound to the law of Moses anymore. You died when you put on Christ. You died, and now you are free to marry Christ. And so don’t feel like you’re bound to the law of Moses anymore. So the point, and the illustration he gives about marriage, the point is death dissolves the bond, the binding. That’s the point that he’s making.

So I won’t go any more into that whole context, but let’s focus in now on verse 2, where it says, for the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living. Bound by law. Now here, the by law, of course, does not mean the law of the land. We do not base our opinions about marriage and divorce and what’s allowed by what our state or our government allows. It has nothing to do with that. The state may be fine with you marrying seven times. Okay? What we’re talking about here is the law of God. Bound by law. The word for bound here is a word that means to take. And it is used in a lot of places to talk about people who are prisoners being bound in chains.

That doesn’t mean that’s what marriage is like. And I don’t think we should go there. But we do need to go to the place in our minds of thinking of the marriage agreement, the marriage contract between these two before God as being a connection. You are, in a sense, bound together. You are tied together. Not by some slavery chain. But I like to think of it as if I just were to picture it, of course, this is just an illustration, everybody, okay? A beautiful gold rope that is fastened around my waist and is tied to the waist of Holly. And we are bound by this beautiful bond. No matter where we go, no matter how far apart we may be at different times, if I go and travel half the world away, well, guess what?

I am still bound. I am connected to my wife. She is mine. I am hers. We belong to each other forever. And that’s this binding that is being talked about here. It is a binding by God’s law. And it is a beautiful thing. It refers to the obligation, or you might say the privilege, of remaining married to the individual that you chose to marry scripturally. That’s what this is talking about. This binding. And there is no tool, there is no pair of scissors sharp enough, there is no chainsaw that you can take to that cord and sever it. And so we’ll talk more about that. Now, who is it that does this binding? It is God who does this binding when two people are married. You remember in Matthew 19 and verse 6, when Jesus said, What God has bound or joined, let not man separate.

So God has joined, let not man separate. So I think there’s a connection anyway with that thought and the thought that we’re considering. This is God’s cord. You know, let us let us respect that. Now the joining of the woman to another man in verse 3 is not the joining that God does. Okay, so in verse 3, so then if while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress. That joining is not the joining that God does. God does the joining when two people are married scripturally. But in this case, this joining of herself to another man results in adultery. So how could that be the joining that God does? And it is referring to a marriage. This joining of this woman to another man, and the rest of the verse bears that out very clearly.

It’s talking about a second marriage. So this woman, I don’t love you anymore. I go and I’m married to this other man and I’m joined to him. Well, you’re still bound to your first husband. You try to cut that cord as best you can. You can’t cut it. You’re still bound to the first husband. And so this joining refers to the second marriage. She is still bound to her first husband. I think these conclusions are very clear, do you not? And by the way, if you have any questions about any of this disagreements, bring them up. I will listen. I will not shoot you down. I will listen. And we can look objectively at God’s word together and reason together as brethren and as friends. But don’t bottle it up.

Get it out. Talk to me. Talk to me. It’s possible to be married either with or without God’s binding. Now, I didn’t say it’s possible for God to be pleased either without or with his binding. But it is possible to be married either with or without God’s binding. Think about that. To be married without God binding, to be joined to another man as this woman here who became an adulteress, well, it is adultery. But to be married scripturally is to be bound with God’s binding. You see. And so if you are married without God’s binding, then you are living in adultery. And as I said earlier, what’s the only way to stop that situation? You can’t magically bind yourself together in God’s sight. You have to repent of the adultery, which means to end the adultery, which means to end the marriage in that case.

This binding of God is severed when one spouse dies. That’s pretty common sense. The other spouse is then free to remarry. The exact point Paul makes in 1 Corinthians 7 and verse 39, which Lord willing, I will preach about the next time I get up. So looking at it in chart form. You have a man and a woman in a scriptural marriage. Now, is everybody, everybody with it? Is everybody with me? Okay? I see heads nodding. I love that. Okay. So I want everybody with me. That’s great. So you’ve got a man and a woman scriptural marriage. You see that gold bond there. I put that in there to represent this binding that God has done. If the woman joins herself to another man, she is an adulteress.

But you see, that cord is still with the man that she originally married. She is still bound by law until he dies. Now, let’s say she doesn’t do that, but she waits till he dies. She doesn’t join herself to another man while he’s living. If he dies, then that cord, of course, is dissolved, that bond that God has done, and then she is free to join another, and she will not be called an adulteress. That is a scriptural marriage. I know these things are simple, but sometimes looking at it on a chart just helps you to really crystallize it and for it to make sense very, very clearly. And I hope that’s what I have done. Because I’m not up here to muddy the waters. I’m up here to simplify.

4. Adultery Does Not Automatically End a Binding

Adultery does not automatically end a binding. And this is the last point I really want us to think about, and then we’re going to be done. Adultery does not automatically dissolve a binding. Think about that. There are those who teach that it does. Now, there are so many false doctrines about divorce and remarriage that it would we would have a 27-lesson series for me to dive into it. It’s ridiculous. Because people want to make a way around it. That’s what they want to do. But there is one doctrine I just want to tell you about. If you commit adultery on your spouse against your spouse, the first act is an act of adultery. But the marriage is immediately dissolved at that point. The marriage bond is dissolved.

And just by committing adultery, now you are no longer in God’s sight married to that first person. So all you need to do is go commit adultery and then repent before the church on Sunday, and then Monday go marry the person that you committed adultery with, and God will be happy and fine with that. In fact, if you carry that through, we could take two marriages where you have a man over here who really wants the woman over here in this other marriage. And vice versa. This woman over here wants this man over here. And so what they do is one night, they all just kind of get together in separate rooms and they sleep with the opposite spouse and commit adultery. Then they go on Sunday and repent, and then they get married to the person they really wanted to be married to, and thus two marriages are dissolved, and now two marriages magically are pleasing in God’s sight.

And that’s an abomination, of course. That’s not what scripture teaches, but there is that kind of uh stuff being taught all over the place. And um, I just want us to be aware that it can get very hairy. But do you see that the truth is is is simple, it’s simple. And still, we have to take the principles of the truth and sometimes deal with details that are still hairy. But the principles that Jesus gives us are foundational and simple. So adultery does not automatically end a binding. Death does. Well, what about adultery? Adultery gives the innocent party the option to divorce the guilty party. I like to think of it like this. In the case that your spouse commits adultery, God gives you the one pair of scissors that can cut that tie, that cord.

Conclusion

You have the option to use that pair of scissors now, and you can dissolve that bond and go and marry somebody else and be pleasing in God’s sight because your spouse committed adultery against you. Now, you may decide not to do that, and you give the scissors back to God, and you say, I’m going to commit to this person, and we’re going to make it work. Right? But adultery does not automatically end a binding. Now, as we think about all this, we are impacted with the importance and the permanence of marriage. And as I said last week, let me just say before you all.

I don’t know who, but eventually. When you do that, you are agreeing to have God to bind you to your spouse that you are marrying before the presence of many witnesses, and this promise, this confession you make in the presence of many witnesses will be forever. And don’t stand there and say, I agree to this, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part. If all you really mean by that is until our love shall come to an end. Because that’s what our postmodern society would make marriage. So if you’re going to enter into that with somebody, be sure that it’s somebody you want to be with forever. And if you don’t like something about them beforehand, you are not bound to them.

You can say to them goodbye. Do not marry somebody you have doubts about and make a wise decision. And that being said, I do want to read a passage that I had in the outline on 1 Corinthians 7 and verse 39. I had the reference in there.

But if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes only in the Lord. So you can marry whoever you wish. But make it a wise decision. Don’t marry somebody who is wicked. Don’t marry somebody who’s going to pull you down spiritually and who will make teaching your children one day a hard thing and getting them to church an impossible thing. You’re free to marry whom you wish only in the Lord. That doesn’t mean you have to marry a Christian, but it means that’s God’s recommendation. And that would be my recommendation to you as well. I thank you for your kind attention. You have done fantastically. Would you bow your head with me in a word of prayer? Our God and our Father, you are the judge of all the living and of all the dead.

We stand before you, Father, under the jurisdiction of your law, the law of Christ. And Father, our only desire is to abide by every commandment of Jesus. And we pray that we will apply these principles, the simple principles to our lives, that we will be careful and prayerful of how we apply them. And Father, we pray that you will have, that you will have patience with us. We pray, Father, for those who are considering marrying someone who is not going to help them spiritually, whose marriage might one day end in divorce, that they would think before they make that agreement. We pray for us who are married, that our marriages are pleasing to you, not just in the fact that we remain married, but that we would be the example of husband and wife that Jesus, that Paul set before us in Ephesians 5 through Jesus and his marriage to the church.

Father, we pray that you will give us compassion and wisdom and courage to help to teach others who need to learn your truth about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. It is through your Son that we pray. Amen. Well, take your song book, please, and turn to the song that’s been selected. If you’re not a Christian, then you’ve never married Christ. He doesn’t belong to you, and you don’t belong to Him. But if you will become a Christian, you are being joined to Christ. And that’s a beautiful bond. It’s a bond of love. It’s a bond that will pull you to heaven and will save your soul. If you would like to become a Christian, it’s the greatest hope that you can imagine. And you can have that hope today.

It’s not somewhere far away over some mountain or over across some sea, but it’s near you. It’s something you can do, just as confession is something that you can do. It’s right there in your heart. So confess the Lord, believing in him and repenting of your sins, which is also something we can do. And letting somebody immerse you in water, which is something you can do. And if we do the possible, God will do the impossible and save our souls. And we continue to live faithfully before him as a bride to her husband or as a husband before his bride. And not to commit adultery against our God so that he may not divorce us. If you would like to become a Christian, won’t you come now and get baptized as we stand and sing the song of invitation?