Parenting Through a Crisis

Introduction

Return your Bibles, if you will, to Psalm 91. Psalm 91.

Word of warning. I haven’t had a nap. When I don’t get a nap, I get grumpy. So good luck. Oh, another word of warning. Don’t you get one either right now. You gotta wait. Wait about 30 minutes and go home and crank that lazy boy into third gear and do whatever you need to do. Alright. By the way, you’re welcome. I did bring the rain. I ran my car through the car wash right before I left home. And it never fails. Every time. If I wash my car, it’ll rain. So you’re very, very welcome. Let’s open our Bibles this afternoon. Let’s read in the 91st Psalm. Beginning in verse 1, he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say to the Lord, my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust. For it is he who delivers you from the snare of the trapper and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you may seek refuge.

We’ll stop there. We need songs like that. That’s why in the ancient hymnal of Israel that we have these words that are pinned for all of us. Because we need to read these things over and over and over again. Because when you go through uncertain times, like we have gone through uncertain times, we need to be reminded that God’s in control. That God’s in control. You know, the last 2020 coronavirus and all that. Do you know that didn’t take God by surprise? You think God just looked one day and go, oh wow, there’s a worldwide pandemic. Didn’t know. Didn’t take him by surprise at all. Because not anything, there’s nothing that takes him by surprise. But what we have to do in any of these situations, and it matters not what the situation is.

In every one of them, we have to ask ourselves the same question. Lord, what do you want me to know? What are you trying to tell me? What’s the lesson? What’s the lessons that I need to see from all of this? And it has reminded us that we’re not exempt from hardship, even in our technology and advanced age. We’re not exempt from that. It has spoken to us for the need for unity and to give each other grace and space. It has caused us to be concerned about one another to an even greater degree. It has reminded us that God rules in the affairs of men. That’s the whole book of Daniel. And it has emphasized to us again that the Lord has to be the centerpiece of our homes.

And he has to be the center focal point of our families. You know, the last year has taken a toll on families. It has. And that’s what we didn’t talk about this afternoon. You know, there’s some times where God just shouts at us, and he says, pay attention to me. Psalm 19 and verse 1, the heavens declare the glory of God. A declaration is a communicated message. And every day, and it doesn’t matter where you are, you can look at the heavens and you can look at the stars and you can see all of that glory that God has made. A continual 24-7, 365 advertisement that God is. God is shouting a message to us every day and every night. Pay attention to me. And sometimes he uses other opportunities to shout the same thing.

But you see, beyond everything that you and I can do that is in our control, and there’s not much. But beyond all that we can do that is in our control, it is imperative that we learn to trust him. And don’t you know that little eyes are watching? And that bigger eyes are watching. Our kids and our grandkids are watching to see how mom and dad and grandma and grandpa handle all of this. And they will remember. Because the days are going to come in their lives. We don’t know what the future holds, but the days are going to come in their lives when they’re going to go through tough times, and they’re going to think back to when they were kids, and they’re going to think back to mom and dad and the faith that they had during a very tough time.

And they will remember.

There’s a lot of smart people trained in a lot of fields of academia and intelligence and all of that. But they can only take us so far. Because when you leave God out of the discussion, then you’re not going to see the bigger picture. And the bigger picture is He’s in charge. He’ll take care of us. And that’s the message that we as parents and grandparents have to share with our kids. Knowledge and information and data. Well, there’s a stopping point. That’s why the Bible says it is not within man who walks to direct his steps. And so our focal point and our faith has got to be in God. Let me give you a God truth. God is not some peripheral deity that hangs out on the edges of our lives.

And he sends us a message that says, call me if you need me. That’s not God. He wants to be central in our lives. He wants to be central in our hearts. He wants to be central in our churches. He wants to be central in our families. Is he? Our God offers what nobody else can. He offers a kingdom that cannot be shaken. He offers you and he offers me a life built upon the rock of real truth and real hope. Not hope soul, but real deal hope. It’s the wise man building his house on the rock. And I’m telling you, folks, this is our time to shine. This is our time to draw closer to Him so that our children can see that our faith is real.

You know, when God allows a crisis, there’s always some learning that comes from that. James chapter 1 and verse 3 says that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And so your faith is being tested. And the question is, what is it producing? What is it producing? Well, let’s talk about parenting through all of this. How do we as parents lead our families and lead our children through all of this? Let me take you back to about March last year, about a year ago, a little more. You know, when all of this started first unfolding and everything was kind of coming down. There was almost in a weird sort of way, there was almost a tinge of excitement. And cozy. I had the same feeling that I had when you when you get with your family and you go out into the cabin in the woods.

And so the kids. The kids come home from school and they cancel school, and dad starts working from home, and mom starts working from home, and mom starts cooking up some really good stuff, and we’re having a lot of fun in games, and and uh, hey, you know, for the first few days, this this is kind of cozy, it’s kind of this is different. It’s and different can be good, and so kind of a cabin cozy kind of thing.

Well, that didn’t last long. Because what happened, it morphed into an overwhelming challenge all of a sudden. And I remember the day. I remember the day.

And I got the look. You ever got the look? Huh? You know the look. And I got the look, and I realized, oh, this is gonna be different. And so for a while we put on the parent game face, you know. We try to stay busy, we try to stay engaged, we try to do things with our kids and meet the challenges, and then as the days turn into weeks and weeks into months, we find ourselves getting on edge. And not only are we getting on edge, we’re getting on each other’s nerves. And I’ve talked to families who honestly have said these words. Well, I guess we’re the only family struggling. Well, no, you’re not the only family struggling. Every family has struggled to get through this.

1. We’ve Got to Stick Together

This is uncharted territory. So, if you take a notes, I’m going to give you five things. Told you, numbers guy. You ever notice when you check out a public or you’re checking out the supermarket and there’s always a magazines, they always have numbers on them. You know. Twelve ways to lose weight. You know, I don’t know why they put that in a grocery store, but anyway they do. You know, 24 things you have to do to be happy. They always, on the front of every magazine is a number. There’s a number article on every magazine. So, five things. Five things that we have to do as a family, mom, dad, and the kids, five things that we have to do to get through this. Number one, we’ve got to stick together.

We’ve got to stick together. Look at Ecclesiastes chapter 4 and verse 9 and 10. Ecclesiastes chapter 4 and verse 9 and 10. Two are better than one. Because they have a good return for their labor, for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Look in verse 12. If one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.

I read about a family that decided to conduct an experiment. They had four or five kids. And so the parents, the parents sent the kids out into the yard to get a stick. They said, we want each of you kids to go get a stick. And they said, stick needs to be about this long, about the about the width of your pinky finger, and go get it. And all of you go out and get one stick and bring it in. So all the kids go out in the yard and they get a stick. Every one of them gets a stick. They can bring it in. And they sat around the kitchen table. And the parents had each child take their stick and break it. So the little kid took a stick and broke it.

The next biggest kid broke it, broke it, broke it, broke, broke it. And then mom and dad took the sticks, which were now half sticks, and they bound them together with some thread and tied it real tight. And they handed it to the littlest child, and they said, Okay, break it again. Well, he couldn’t break it. So the next child thought, oh, I’m stronger than he is. I can break it. He couldn’t break it. And the oldest child got to him, he couldn’t break it either. And the mom and dad sat there and taught a life lesson.

2. Guide Our Children’s Emotions

That we have to stick together. If we’re alone, you can get broken easy. And that’s the message of the Proverbs writer or Solomon in Ecclesiastes. That’s what he’s saying. But together, when we are together, we’re not going to break it. We’re stronger. And so as a result, ladies and gentlemen, we have to view our family as a bundle. And with God at the centerpiece of that family, we cannot be broken. We may bend a little as we go through the hard times of life, but we’re not going to be broken. Because we’re going to stick together. So that’s the first point I’ll mention. Families have to stick together. Secondly, as moms and dads, we have to help guide our children’s emotions. As their parents, we have to guide their emotions.

In 1 Thessalonians 2, 1 Thessalonians chapter 2, verse 7. Paul says, but we prove to be gentle among you as a nursing mother. Tenderly cares for her children. Paul had birthed these people in the sense of spiritual rebirth, spiritual birth. And he said, I feel like a parent to you. I feel like a mother who tenderly cares for her children. Now come on down to verse 11. Just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring you as a father. Would his children? He said, I feel like I feel like a father. I feel like I feel like a parent to you. And he was. He was parenting them in the faith.

But there’s a principle here for all of us as parents of children that we need to understand. Our kids carry a very wide range of emotions. And they’re not going to understand everything. And as parents trying to help them regulate those emotions on a normal day, and in a normal time is taxing enough. But these are not normal times. I know, Proverbs 22 and verse 6, train up a child in the way he should go, and when he’s old, he will not depart from it.

What does that mean? It means you let the child have his way. That’s not what that means. No. When you train up a child according to his way, what that means is you train up each child with the understanding of that child. You, as the mom, you as the dad, know your child. And those of you who have more than one, understand that no two are alike. Kids don’t come off an assembly line. They’re not the same. They’re all different. I have one brother. And we’re not anything alike. He’s weird. Can’t believe you sit back there taking notes. No, my brother and I are not anything alike. He’s short. I’m not. He’s bald.

I’m not. Yet. He’s smart. Do with it whatever you want. I don’t care. Because he is. My brother went to my brother all the way through school and college and graduate school.

He had the most boring report cards. They were boring. Every letter was always the same. A A. Mine had variety. Okay? Mine had variety. Pick a letter, it’s there. You know. Somebody said to me one time, you’ll either go to prison or be a preacher. Oh no. We’re different. My brother and I are so different. And the people who don’t know, I mean, they wouldn’t think we’re brothers. But that’s the same with your kids. Your kids. You have kids, they’re different. You and your siblings are different. And that’s the way it is. And what he is saying in Proverbs chapter 22 and verse 6 is when you train your child, you better know your child. Because what works with one is not going to work with the other one.

Because they’re different. Their makeup is different.

And so these are tough times for our kids.

Our kids don’t understand the world at small, much less the world at large. They can’t figure all of this out. I mean, they got things coming at them too. As adults, we have all kinds of stuff coming at us. And we filter, and through our age and our experience and life, wisdom and all of that and scripture, we we kind of filter some things. But these kids, our kids can’t always do that. And they get the media hype and the information and the misinformation and the separation from their friends and the separation from their church friends, and the loss of routine is huge. And then they overhear conversations between mom and dad. I mean, if you live in the same house, you pick up, you pick up vibes from everybody.

And our kids overhear conversations. Mom and dad are worried about job, and we’re worried about money, and we’re worried about a lot of things. And they overhear and they pick up on that. And that’s hard. I want you to think about the last year in the framework of loss. I mean, this is a loss. We have lost a lot. And whenever there is loss, there has to be grief and grieving. And whenever there’s loss, there has to be an adjustment and readjustment. And whenever there’s loss, we learn slowly to move ahead into a new kind of normal. And as hard as that is for you and for me as adults, it’s a hundredfold hard for kids. Because they struggle to put all of those pieces together.

So what I’m saying to you, all of us, we have to talk to our kids. We have to get down on their level and talk about their stuff and their fears and what is true versus what isn’t true and the facts versus fiction. And we have to just talk to them about all of those things and what they’re feeling on the inside and what they’re experiencing. We have to be available for them. Because it’s hard. Our kids will feed off of our emotions. They will. And so if I’m feeling afraid and if I’m feeling fearful, they’re going to pick up on that. They will. You know, in Numbers 13 and 14. When the children of Israel went out to spy the land, you remember that? And they came back and they said, There’s giants in the land.

These people are huge, and the cities are fortified, the walls are incredible. We can’t take the land. And they said, we’re like little bitty grasshoppers in their sight. They were afraid. And all the people said, Ho, we’re with Joshua and Caleb. We’re not going to be afraid. We’re going to take the land because our God is so big and our God is so mighty. Is that what happened?

The ten gave out that scaredy cat report, and everybody just grabbed on to it. Because fear spreads. It spreads. And so you and I, as moms and dads, have got to help our kids figure out faith. Let me tell you what we need to do. And I’m so glad you’re getting Bible classes started again for these kids. We’ve got to get back to those old stories. Romans 15, 4, whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, that we through the perseverance and encouragement of the scriptures might have hope. We need to get back to those stories. David and Goliath. And Daniel and the lion’s den. And Shadrach and Meshach and Abednego and the walls of Jericho and Moses and the deep Red Sea and dozens of others.

3. We Must Stay Connected With Our Spouse

We need to blow the dust off those old stories and talk to our kids, not just in a Bible class. We need to talk to our kids at home about those kinds of things. And what are the lessons they learn? We must guide our kids’ emotions. We’ve got to help them through this. Number three, we must stay connected. We must stay connected with our spouse. Because if we’re going to have a home environment that’s going to survive all of this and survive what is to come, and we don’t know what else is coming, and how everybody’s going to gradually get back to normal and whatever normal is. It puts a strain on a marriage. Marriages are strained. And if you don’t think that’s so, then maybe you’re not being very observant.

Because it is so. What we have gone through the last year, the last several months, puts a strain on everything. And so, as spouses, we need to keep check with one another, and we need to check in with each other. We need to talk about our frustrations. We need to talk about how can I help you get through this? What is it that you need? We need to talk about money. We need to talk about job. We need to talk about how are we going to handle our relatives who tell us what to do and you know, difference of opinions. How are we going to do that? How are we going to, how are we going to handle all of these things? And so you and your spouse have got to be on the same page and pray for one another and pray with one another.

4. We Have to Guide Our Own Emotions

In Ephesians chapter 5. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. There’s got to be that love, respect, relationship in the home between husbands and wives. Because our kids see all of that. They know, they figure it out. That mom and dad really do love each other. They’re really committed to each other. And that will help them more than anything get through this. We have to stay connected with our spouse. Number four, we have to guide our own emotions. We have to make sure we’re okay. I can’t help my kids. If my faith, if my responses, if my reactions aren’t what they should be, how am I going to help them? What is my faith response to all of this? It’s the old airplane mask illustration.

You know that one. Put it on your face first if you’re with kids and then assist them. And we know why. It doesn’t sound selfish at first, but it’s not. Because if you pass out, there’s nobody going to be there to help them. So you have to take care of yourself first so you can take care of them. That’s a biblical principle. Mark chapter 12 and verse 31. Love your neighbor as you love who? Yourself. Take care of your neighbor. But you can’t do that unless you first take care of yourself because you’re not going to be available to take care of your neighbor. The same principle applies with parents and kids. And so as parents, we find ourselves in a very unique position. We’re trying to shepherd our kids.

We’re trying to guide them. While at the same time facing our own fears, facing our own emotions and our own struggles. And it’s not always easy. And it doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers to all the questions, because you never will. But it does mean that when I come to the end of the road and there’s a question I can’t answer, or there’s something I don’t know, when I get to that, when I get to that point, that’s when trust kicks in. That’s when faith has to kick in. And that’s when you say to your child, I, you know, honey, I don’t know. But I tell you what, this family’s always done. We put our trust in God. And we’re going to keep trusting in God.

What was it? Joshua said, as for me in my house. We will serve the Lord. That’s it. That’s it. And it means that if I’m as an adult, if I’m struggling, I reach out to somebody. Moms get with other moms. Dads get with other dads. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another, said Solomon. And it means that I have to center everything on prayer. And not forget that I need to talk to God regularly about all of this. Moms and dads, what I’m saying is we’ve got to step up. We have to step up. In times of crises, leaders step up. And as moms and dads, we’re leaders. And your congregation are the people that sit around your table. They’re the people who sleep under your roof.

5. We Must Remember Who Is in Control

You and I have a responsibility for them. We must guide our own emotions. And finally, we must remember who is in control. I’m not. Every day, everything seems to change. I don’t know if you noticed that. It just keeps changing over and over and over again. One day it’s, well, do this and don’t do this. And the next day it’s the complete opposite. Don’t do this. Do this.

And then there’s the statistics. I love statistics. Because you can prove anything with statistics, depending on where you get them. I read a statistic the other day that said 50% of all statistics on the internet are made up. I read that on the internet. Think about it. You know? Statistics are all over the map sometimes. And they scare you to death. And so in the midst of the scary world that we live in, this changing world. We have to remember there’s one that doesn’t change. God doesn’t change. And he’s been in control all along. There’s a verse in Psalm 9, Psalm 29, verse 10. I think Psalm 29, 10. The Lord sat as king at the flood. Now there’s a pandemic. There’s something that the world had never experienced before.

That was different. So here comes this flood. And you know the story of Noah and his family and all of that. The flood that came in Noah’s day was unprecedented, unprecedented. They’d never experienced anything like that before. But what Noah and his family did is what you and I have to do. And I don’t mean we need to go build an ark. That’s not the point. It means we have to put our faith and trust in God. Because that’s what Noah and his family did. In spite of what everybody else did. Noah and his family put their faith and trust in God. I wrote down Psalm 57, verse 1. I can’t remember what it says. Let’s find out. Psalm 57.1. Must be important because I underlined it.

So you gotta have another nap.

Oh yes. Psalm 57.1. Be gracious to me, O God. Be gracious to me. For my soul takes refuge in you. And in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge until the destruction passes by the same thing. It doesn’t matter what kind of destruction it is. It doesn’t matter what kind of loss it is. It doesn’t matter what situation is. He says, God, be gracious to me. I will cling to you. You are my refuge. I will hold on to you until destruction passes by.

Conclusion

Parenting is challenging anytime. Doesn’t matter. It is challenging at any time. But in our day it is especially so. And the only ones who are going to make it are the people who put their faith and trust in God. That’s it. And so, what is history going to say about all of this? I don’t know. But I know what God has written about previous days, and it looks to me like the principles are the same. We must stick together. We must guide our children’s emotions. We must stay connected with each other as spouses. We must work through and guide our own emotions. And we must remember who is in control. My wife does counseling for a that’s what she does.

She went back to school and finished out her degree program, and she does counseling therapy for different ones. You would be shocked. Maybe you wouldn’t. How many children? How many teens? How many college kids she has? Because they’re filled with anxiety. They’re scared. They don’t know what to do. That’s the world we live in. See, this is when the rubber of our faith meets the road of our reality. And what we do when we gather on the first day of the week, and we sing these songs and we pray these prayers and we talk about the Bible and how much it means to us and what God is telling us. We’re not just going through the motions. This is not ritual. What we’re trying to do is put down roots that go really deep.

Because the winds are going to blow and the storms are going to come. They’re going to rock your world, and they’re going to rock the world of your kids. And it’s only those. And I think of the great oaks, it’s only those trees with great roots that are going to withstand the storm. So there are some things that you and I as parents can do. And it’s up to us to tune into the scriptures. And trust in God. Because little eyes are watching us.

Thank you for coming and attending these sessions today. Thank you, those who have joined us online, and thank you, certainly, Wilson, for again, timely and applicable messages, and most importantly, biblical, scriptural messages, and we certainly appreciate that so much.