Parents And Children

Introduction

It’s unavoidable. Sometimes we’re biased. Hang on just a minute. My computer is asleep here. Figure out what’s going on. All right, that’s better. Let’s start over. It’s unavoidable. Sometimes we’re biased. And our bias shows sometimes. And we become more biased based upon how close something is to us and what it means to us. And I know that you may think this morning that you had the best parents. Now there are some exceptions. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you may sadly recognize you didn’t have the best. But I think many of us would probably try to argue that my parents were the best. But I’m here to set you straight. My dad and mom had the best children of anybody’s parent.

And that what that tells us is that God cares. God cares how we parent, and God cares how we are as children. But also I think maybe it’s a timely subject. It’s not to offend anyone this morning, but you already know this. It’s back to school time. That may be good news for you, that may be bad news for you, but it’s maybe it’s a time to talk about children and parents and that relationship and to help to see that we line up our duties, whatever they may be in this category, with the word of God and the will of God. And so let’s strive to be those best parents and those best children. And maybe to put it a better way, is let’s strive to be what God wants us to be in this regard.

1. Parents: Love Your Children

And so let’s talk about this relationship and the two sides of this relationship. Let’s start with the parental side, and we’re going to look at these two categories and three words that the New Testament says you need to do if you’re in this category. So if you’re a parent, you need to love your children. Turn with me to Titus chapter 2 this morning. Titus chapter 2. And the apostle Paul, by inspiration, says this, beginning in verse 3. He’s giving instructions about others who are to give instructions, and how they’re to teach one another. And so he says in Titus 2, verse 3, to the older women likewise, teach them to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, but teachers of good things.

And so the older women have the responsibility to teach. And here’s who and what they’re to teach. Verse 4. That they, that’s the older women, that they admonish the young women to love their husbands and to love their children. Now, do you think that means? Did the Holy Spirit go to this trouble to instruct Timothy to instruct Titus to instruct the older women that the older women were to go and to tap on the shoulder of a younger woman and say, love your husband. Love your children. And then walk away thinking their job was done. I don’t think that’s maybe what it means. I don’t think he’s saying the older women were just to tell the younger women to love their husbands and to love their children.

Surely there’s more to it than that. That part of the instruction was to teach them how to love their husbands, and how, specifically for our lesson this morning, how to love their children. What that love was to look like. It wasn’t just to love them. In fact, now you might need some help and some instruction to love your husbands. Because sometimes that may be tough. But for most mothers, they don’t need to be told to love their children, do they? Now, Paul in the book of Romans would warn about those who were unloving in Romans chapter 1. The old King James says, without natural affection, there are some who might need to be instructed to love. But for most mothers, that comes naturally. And I think for most fathers it does.

We’re going to love our children. But maybe what we do need instruction and help in is what that looks like. How am I supposed to love my children? For example, we might need to be reminded that to love our children doesn’t necessarily mean we’re going to give them everything they ask for. That at times love may be not giving them something. That to love our children doesn’t mean to let them do whatever they want. In fact, loving our children many times may take the form of saying no. And so the Bible instructs us to love our children. And I want to challenge the parents to do something, because I recognize that when you’re in the midst of parenting, it can be overwhelming and it can be challenging.

You have the daily struggles, the daily grind of life, and you’re just trying to get through it and survive without killing your children. But I want to caution you and plead with you to pause and to think about what does it mean to love my children? What’s that going to look like? And again, more importantly, let’s phrase it this way what does God want that to look like? To love my children. And so don’t let it just be a natural thing. But let it be something that you’ve given some thought to, and thought in light, again, of God’s word. How do I love my children? Well, I’m going to love them, but how am I going to love them? What do I need to do to show my love, as God would have me, to my children?

When’s the last time you thought about that? When’s the last time you at least mentally made a list of here’s what I’m going to do to love my children as God would have me to love them. Well, our second word is one thing we’re going to do.

2. Parents: Train Up a Child

Will you look with me in the Old Testament at a familiar passage, probably one that you’ve heard before? Proverbs 22. Proverbs 22 and verse 6. Do you remember this one? It says, train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Some scholars actually believe this means teach them a trade. You know, teach them how to weld or to be a plumber when they’re young. And so when they’re older, then they’ll have a profession that they can grow into. There may be an application to that, but surely there’s a deeper spiritual application to train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from. You know that these proverbs are known as truisms or axioms, and it means that generally that they’re true.

We all know there’s exceptions to every rule that you could train up a child properly and he may still rebel in his 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, or 70s, and so. But the principle remains true. And we can see that in aspects of our life, can’t we? Whatever age you are, you can think of something you do today, or you know today, or some habit that you are still practicing that started when you were a child. You may not even think of it in that term. And many times what you stop and you think, you go, oh, wow, that reminds me of my mom or my dad. And it wasn’t necessarily genetic. It was something that you learned. You were trained by them, and you’re still doing it to this day.

Now, sadly, that may be a bad practice, a bad habit. But for godly parents, we need to recognize the awesome responsibility. As someone has aptly said that parents need to recognize that they’re not raising children. They’re raising future adults. And we’ve given the awesome responsibility, again, to teach and to train our children. Stay in the Old Testament, go a little bit further back to the book of Deuteronomy. Moses instructs the children of Israel to instruct their own children in regard to the Word of God. And I want to notice again, this is a familiar, in fact, every passage we’re going to look at this morning is familiar to you. But let’s look at this familiar passage in Deuteronomy chapter 6. Look at verses 6 and 7.

Moses says, and these words which I command you today shall be in your heart, and you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, when you lie down when you rise up. I think this is one of the most impactful and profound passages that talk about instructing our children. He says, you put this in your own heart, and that would be step one for parents, and then you teach this to your children. But what I find interesting is how he says you’re going to teach this. He doesn’t say, set them down in a classroom like setting and open up the books, and we’re going to have class and we’re going to teach.

Now, don’t misunderstand me. There’s a time and a place for that. Children parents need to be doing that for their children. But specifically here, he says, you do it when you’re walking by the way. You do it when you’re sitting down. In other words, he says that outside of the typical instruction setting where we’re sitting down and we got notebook and pen and Bibles open. There’s other ways that we can teach God’s word.

We can teach our children something. Every day opens up opportunities. Every car ride, every meal together. Every television show or movie that you watch, every book that you or your children are reading, opens up opportunities for you to teach them. And to teach them in the Word of God. I don’t know that you need an illustration, but let’s illustrate it in the most simplest of ways. You’re riding down the road, and these are fairly common occurrences here in Florida because of our weather and patterns. You see a rainbow. And you can say, Isn’t that a pretty rainbow? Wow, that’s vibrant. Look at those colors, and you can even talk about the colors of the rainbow, how they’re always the same and they’re always in the same order.

And you could teach them the science of that. But don’t you see another opportunity to say, look at that rainbow? And let’s talk about that. And what that means and what the rainbow originally signified. And it doesn’t stop when they’re young children, the older children. We can find those opportunities to be able to teach and to reinforce those lessons. And while we’re talking about this, Paul in the New Testament would say that this responsibility lies with parents and primarily with fathers. He would say in the book of Ephesians, chapter 6, fathers do not provoke your children unto wrath, but bring them up, and you can finish this passage with me, in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. That is your responsibility.

Now, again, don’t misunderstand me. The church should and is teaching children.

But understand that nowhere in your New Testament will you read that that’s the primary responsibility of the elders, or the primary responsibility of the local church, or the responsibility of the Bible class teachers at church. God put that on you. And so don’t make your child’s spiritual biblical education limited to two classes a week here at the building. Because I can tell you, no matter how good your Bible class teachers are, they ain’t that good. To be able to teach your children and instill within them a love of God in two classes a week. It’s just not going to happen. And sadly, sometimes we learn that lesson when we reap the whirlwind. And recognize, I wonder why my children don’t love God like they ought to.

3. Parents: Show Them, Be That Example

Because maybe we failed. To bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. Another word that we need to emphasize when we’re talking to parents and responsibility of the children is you love, you train them, and you show them. We need to be that example. Are you still in the Old Testament? Go back a couple passages to Genesis chapter 18, what it says about Abraham and what Abraham’s responsibility was. And I want you to notice very closely the language here. Genesis chapter 18 and in verse 19. God is speaking of Abraham and the special relationship that he has with Abraham. When he says this, Genesis 18, verse 19, for I have known him. This is God speaking about Abraham. I have known him in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice, that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has spoken to him.

I have helped Abraham that he might instruct his children and his household, that’s his family, his extended family, really, that he may bring them, that he may instruct them to keep the way of the Lord. And it says that he may command them after him. That language that he may command them after him doesn’t mean that his children are after him in the family tree. That’s obvious.

After him.

But the idea of modeling that behavior, of showing that pattern. You’ve learned this, haven’t you, about your children. Your children have almost something innate and in born in inborn without them. Number one is they can detect if there’s any kind of snacks in the house. They can sniff those out and find them. You can’t hide them from them. But something else they can sniff out and detect, and that’s hypocrisy. I’ll tell you a story. You know, if you think about what all happens in your childhood, and you only remember just a fraction of it. And let me preface this. This is a story about me and my dad. Dad really wasn’t being a hypocrite here. Let me preface it by saying that. But one story that sticks out in my mind above many other stories about me and my dad is I spilled my drink at supper.

And Dad got on to me. And I’m sure that I deserved it. I’m sure I was doing something silly that I shouldn’t have been doing. And I spilled my drink, and Dad got on to me, and I can remember distinctly. We had barely cleaned up my drink when Dad spilled his.

Again, there wasn’t really necessarily hypocrisy here, because I imagine mine was silliness, his was just an accident. But that story sticks in my mind. Because I could see I got in trouble for something, and then he did the same thing. Children just have an innate ability to sniff out inconsistency and hypocrisy. And it doesn’t matter how you teach them and train them. They’re more likely to go after you in what you do than in what you say. And so your children need to see. You living the Christian life. They need to see you putting God first. And emphasizing spiritual matters and biblical matters and church matters above earthly and worldly concerns. That’s how they learn. All right, we’ve talked to the parents, and now let’s talk to the children.

4. Children: Honor Your Father and Mother

What are children’s three words that we want to talk about? Well, the first word is honor. Look with me in the book of Ephesians, chapter six. Again, a familiar passage to us. The book of Ephesians, chapter six, this time in verse two, he says, honor to children, that he addressed in verse one. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise. We’re going to talk about that last tag phrase in just a minute, but let’s begin with the idea of honor your father and mother. Honor just means to hold them up to reverence and to respect them. And let’s understand this biblical principle that is being dismissed too many times in our society today. And that is that I don’t have to respect or honor anybody, or at least the lie is being told.

I only have to honor and respect you after I’ve gotten to know you and I’ve esteemed you worthy of my honor and respect. That is not biblical. I am to honor my parents because they are my parents. No other reason, no other criteria is given. And that applies to many other categories and arenas of life as well. They don’t have to earn. Now, should parents try to earn our respect? Absolutely. We just spent three points in the previous slide to make that point. That doesn’t excuse parents to just be lousy. But what he’s saying here is that just by virtue of the fact that they gave birth to you, that they’re your parents, they deserve honor. That’s all they had to do to earn it. Period.

You’re to honor them. Honor your father and mother, he says, which is the first commandment with promise. Verse 3 goes on to say that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth, the new King James says. I think that’s a little bit of a bad translation there. That you may live long on the earth doesn’t mean listen to your parents and you’ll live longer. In fact, they told you, don’t play with that electrical wire, don’t cross the street when there’s traffic. You know, you’ll live longer if you listen to it. Now that’s probably true. That belongs in Proverbs somewhere. That’s one of those axioms that generally means if you do that. But that’s not really the promise here. We won’t take the time, but if we turn back to Deuteronomy chapter 5 or to Exodus chapter 20, when the commandments were given that said honor your father and mother, it said that you might dwell long in the promised land.

What he was saying is, when were the Ten Commandments given? On their way to the blessing of a promised land. You want to stay in that land? Then you do what I tell you to do. And one of the things I’m telling you to do is honor your father and mother. That you might live long in the land. Which in that context, the land stood for the blessings of God in a good relationship with God. And so in the New Testament, it says the first commandment with promise. The promise was that you might live long in the land, that you might reap God’s blessings, that you might stay in a good relationship with Him. In other words, children, what He’s saying here is, if you don’t honor your father and mother, God is saying, then you’ve got a problem with me.

5. Children: Obey Your Parents in the Lord

You’re not going to live as my people. You’re not going to be one of my children if you’re not going to honor your parents. You’re not going to reap those blessings that you get by being in a covenant relationship with me. That’s the point that he’s making. Honor your father and mother. We’ll back up one verse in Galatians chapter, or Ephesians, excuse me, chapter six, verse one. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Colossians, the cousin passage to this, says in the book of Colossians, that obey your parents in all things. Again, that’s just simple and straightforward. Honor and obey.

6. Children: Show Gratitude to Your Parents

We long for that day when I can throw off the shackles of oppression and I can get out of this house and on my own and have my own bills and worries and concerns. We don’t think of it in those terms, but I can get out and nobody’s going to tell me what to do anymore. That day never came, did it? You’re always going to have somebody telling you what to do. And what we need to learn is two things. Number one, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. That’s the way it is. And that’s probably a good thing. That we need that instruction. We need that discipline. We need that guidance. And then lastly, children are to honor, obey, and they’re to show. Now, we use the word show in regard to parents if they were to show or model or example the behavior.

But here I want to use the word show in a little bit different sense in that children need to show gratitude to their parents. And by the way, more than one day in May and June. Be grateful that you have loving parents. And you’d be doubly grateful if you have godly parents who are stumbling and falling and making mistakes, even in regard to how they’re raising you. But they’re doing their best to love you and to train you. To be a good example to you. You remember the story in Proverbs 31 of the worthy woman whose price was far above rubies. It said in Proverbs 31, verse 28, that her children rise up and call her blessed.

There’s the gratitude. Most of us with gray hair in our heads, or fewer hair in our head. Find that pretty easy to do, don’t we? When our parents are aged and failing in health, or if they’re just already gone.

We can remember the times that we didn’t see it then, but when that discipline, that training and that love was there. But I want to challenge you, even when you’re young, when you have all of your hair, and gray is not even in the horizon, to rise up and call her blessed, to appreciate the fact that you’ve got somebody who can tell you what to do. Somebody to feed you and clothe you and to keep you from playing in the traffic. And to bring you up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. I want to challenge you, as a parent or as a child, to accept those responsibilities and those roles in a godly way. And then what about the rest of us? Those that don’t have parents.

Conclusion

I’m an orphan. My parents died a few years ago. I have children, but they don’t live in my household anymore. What am I to do? Well, I’m still to honor my parents if they’re living. I still have a responsibility to help my children. But let’s recognize the parents and children among us, and let’s do what we can to help them. To be the parents and the children that they ought to be, and to encourage them, and we can rise up and call them blessed and appreciate and applaud them for the good godly work that you’re doing. And we commend you for that this morning. You know, this parent child, this family relationship is so important to God that he used it as a way to typify and to understand our relationship to Him.

He is our Father, and we are His children. That’s what that relationship, that’s how much that relationship means to God. Would you become a child of God in that ultimate sense this morning? Would you make him your father? He loves you. He wants to train you, and he has modeled before you what holiness and love truly looks like. And he wants to be your father if you’ll be his child this morning. Would you obey the gospel this morning? Can we help you in that? Or in any way that we can reach out and help you? Please let it be known right now as together we stand and as we sing. Uh