Problems With The Brave Face

Introduction

I’ll start with relaying a story from, of course, our life, my family’s life. We’ve had a quite the week in our family, two birthdays of the boys. Ethan turned one on Wednesday, and Jared’s fourth birthday is today. And actually, Janna was a few months pregnant with Jared whenever we bought our first home. In the weeks leading up to buying that first home, we of course did the things that most people do. We scoured the internet. We were on Zillow all the time and looking at properties and looking at values and looking at what we might could afford. We contact contacted Sister Liz Finley, and she agreed to help us in the purchase of a home. We would just drive around the neighborhoods and look and say, oh, that one’s for sale.

Oh, we can’t afford that one, though. That’s why it’s so nice. But ultimately, we found the home in which we are now living in. And it was beautiful. Right size, right location, big backyard, and we knew we were going to have a son at that point. And we knew, oh, this would be great. I’ll have a big backyard that our children can play in. And so we went forward with the purchase of the home. Well, of course, you have an inspection. And before we had, of course, purchased that home, the inspection took place, and everything looked so immaculate. This family had done a wonderful job of maintaining this property, and everything just looked beautiful. But you know what that inspection turned out? Most of everything was fine.

But there were termites. Termites you couldn’t see from the outside, yet a section of the garage had to be replaced because there was termite damage. Well, that was done. The house was bonded and the repairs were made, and we bought the house. And we’ve done our best to maintain that home up until this time. We, uh in fact, the last couple weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time outside pressure washing. We had a section of fence replaced, uh, flower beds redone, and all these kind of things to make the house look beautiful on the outside. And even though we we still have inspections yearly, you know that there’s that part in your mind. Are there termites in my house? Is my house falling apart and I don’t know about it?

Am I going to put a hand on the wall to lean on it one day and my hand go right through? You just don’t know those things. And what I’ve turned this is the deceptively beautiful facade. You look at the house and everything looks wonderful. Everything looks fine, and you’re on the inside is dying. Well, the Bible does speak of this, but not necessarily in the way that I’m going to lead us this morning. Now, if you turn to Matthew chapter 23, you know that as a passage in which our Lord denounced the Pharisees. And he said of them in verses 25 through 27 of Matthew 23, Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites. For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence.

You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, for you’re like whitewashed tombs, which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. That’s the facade. The Pharisees were worried about how they looked on the outside. Yet what was our Lord saying? You’re condemned on the inside. You’re not spending any time taking care of what really matters. You’re just portraying something. And it’s not just individuals. The Lord said about this about a church. Remember why he said about Laodicea in Revelation chapter 3 and verse 17. Because you say, I am rich and have become wealthy and have need of no, I have need of nothing.

And yet you do not know that you’re wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. You’re projecting. Oh, look at how rich we are. Look at how good things are with us. And you don’t recognize on the inside, you’re dying. Both of those passages really had to do with hypocrisy. And we understand that hypocrisy is a facade too. Portraying one thing but living something else. But I want to talk about another facade that we put out there. And it’s not hypocrisy, and it’s really not even something that the Bible talks about much. That’s the brave face. You know what the brave face is. You’re struggling. You’re going through some things. And yet I’m going to make sure I’ve got my brave face on. Got to gear up because I’m going to church today.

And all my brethren are going to be there. And they’re going to be happy. And I want to be happy. And so let me put on the facade. Because how dare we let everyone know how we feel? The brave face isn’t really mentioned in Scripture. I spend a lot of the week thinking, you know what? What would be a parallel that I might could make? And I just couldn’t really find one. I enlisted some help with some others, and they made a couple of suggestions, and really those didn’t fit either. And I wonder if maybe it’s because of cultural matters. Maybe the brave face wasn’t a problem. If the communities were much tighter and closer in the East and in the biblical times than they are today, then, you know, they may not have had those issues.

Maybe it’s how we glorify the individual. You know, or men in particular, and some of us young men, we’ve talked about this, you know. The John Wayne aspect. That’s the ideal. But John Wayne, who’s a man on his own, not dependent on anybody. He takes care of everything on his own power. You don’t need others. You can handle it. You’re a man. And so you put out that front. You put out that exterior that I can handle this. It doesn’t matter that I’m dying on the inside. I can show everybody I can handle this. The brave face. Well, like I mentioned, the scriptures don’t give us an example necessarily of this, but as in all things, I think the scriptures talk about it. And they give us some guidance and some things that you and I, as a family of God, need to think about.

1. It’s Counterproductive

So let’s begin this morning by just talking about some problems with the brave face. Some things that we read in the scriptures that this idea and how we want to live our lives and portray ourselves to others, it’s not really in harmony with biblical principles. The first point that I make from the scriptures is that it’s counterproductive. You are expending energy, and you know this. You know this when you wake up on that Sunday morning or on that Wednesday evening and you’re getting ready to go to Bible class, and yet you’ve been having a bad week. And you even may even say in your head, all right, time to put on the brave face. You know that you’re having to actually, with your emotions and your spiritual life, you are having to gear yourself up to go out and to show something to others that’s really not true.

And you’ve been dreading it and you’re not looking forward to it, and it is taxing.

Again, this is not what the Lord was speaking about when he said to the Pharisees in Matthew 23 and verse 26 to first clean the inside of the cup of the dish. But I think that’s what you and I need to think about in this regard. Why spend so much time and effort in my energies and my emotions trying to portray something when I’m actually in doing that, I’m ignoring what the problem is. I’m not worrying about getting the inside of the cup right. I just want to make sure everybody looks at this nice piece of china and everything’s great. I think what the Lord says there applies. That I need to be really thinking about what’s going on with me. Why am I facing these spiritual battles rather than just trying to portray something to everyone else?

2. It Doesn’t Work

We’ll come back to that in a little bit. Second problem with a brave face, it doesn’t work. And we know that. And yet we try it anyway. But we know 99% of the time when we’re trying to hide things, it comes out anyway. We may think that we’ve got everything looking right, but people look and say, you know what’s the matter with Josh? Josh just seems down. Josh is smiling. Josh is happy. But then we begin to think, you know what? I don’t see Josh much anymore. What happened to Josh? You know, we thought he maybe was having some problems, but we ask him, and everything’s fine, and yet, just Josh is just kind of taking himself away from us. What’s going on? What’s the matter?

I don’t know what Nehemiah thought whenever he went into the court of Arta Xerxes after hearing about the plight of his people. But it seems from the text, anyway, that Nehemiah went in trying his best to put on a brave face for King Artaxerxes. And our Xerxes looks at him and says, What’s wrong with you? Why this, why is your face sad, though you are not sick? This is nothing but sadness of heart. And brethren, most times people are going to see that in us too. It doesn’t matter what I’m trying to portray out there. If we know each other, then we’re going to know something’s wrong. So why go through the effort? Why try to put a facade out there that’s not the real thing?

3. Not the Life God Envisioned for Us in Christ

When it’s really not going to work. And of course, when we think of God, and the passage in Hebrews chapter 4 and in verse 13 says that there is no creature hidden from his sight. All things are open and laid bare to the eyes of him with whom we have to do. Everything’s laid open before God. I can’t put on the brave face to God. He knows what I’m going through anyway. So why am I so concerned if God knows what’s going on in my life? Why am I so concerned that everybody else may know? It’s counterproductive. It doesn’t work. And importantly, this is not the life that God envisioned for us in Christ. Turn on your Bibles to Romans chapter 12, because we’re going to look at a few passages in this text this morning.

Romans chapter 12. Notice first of all what he says in verse 5. And Brother Walcott never asked me what I was speaking about this morning, but I tell you, the songs that he picked out. Especially We Are One, the song that we sung most recently goes right hand in hand with what we’re talking about and what Paul is saying here. Romans chapter 12 and in verse 5. Just note what he says in this passage. For we, who are many, are one body in Christ and individually members one of another. Now the context of this is much like what Paul writes about in 1 Corinthians chapter 12, about not despising each other, about not belittling the gifts that some have as opposed to what I have. But I just want to focus on what Paul said there.

We’re all members. We know that. We’re all members of Christ’s body. But this is not some Lego puzzle that you put together. And okay, I’ve got a piece here and a piece here, and they’re all kind of connected because they’re a part of the whole. No. This is a body. It is all connected and they become a part of each other. You’re a part of Christ, but you’re also members of one another, the text says. And so shielding our lives from each other, guess what? That’s not what God had intended. That’s not the life he intends for you in his body. You’re members of Christ, and therefore you are members one of another. Move down to verse 15. In this body, there is to be rejoicing with those who rejoice.

Okay. We can get happy and we can let everybody know that. And cause for rejoicing. Weep with those who weep. That’s not just talking about those who are at a funeral either. This is talking about those who emotionally are struggling. But in this body, because we’re all members of one another, when we’re going through good times, some of us, we all go through that good time. Someone’s rejoicing, great. It’s a cause for the whole body to rejoice. But someone’s sad. Someone’s struggling. Someone’s weeping. Then guess what? That affects the whole body. That’s the life which God has called us to. This is a life where faults should be and can be freely admitted to each other. James 5 and verse 16 is the passage that we often go to in this, and we’ll talk about this a little bit more this morning.

But you remember why he says in James 5 and verse 16, therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. He’s talking about there that spiritually, when we are struggling, we ought to be able to talk to each other. Well, why is that so? Because you’re a part of each other in the first place. You’re not strangers who just come together once in a while. You’re a family. And a family is supposed to go through things together. That’s the life that God intended for us to have. A shared experience. Weeping and rejoicing taking place. Faults, freely admitted to one another. Not making excuse for false, not saying, oh, so long as I confess this and I can go out and live the way I want to.

No, this is talking about someone who is sorry for what they’ve done. They want help. They want to get better. And this should be the family. We should not fear being harshly judged. This is what Jesus means in Matthew 7 and verse 1. Judge not that you be not judged. We recognize that, yes, there is judgments that take place. We’ve been talking about in 1 Corinthians, and particularly in 1 Corinthians chapter 5. That church there had to make a judgment. They had to say, this brother is in sin. We can’t tolerate this. We’re not saying excuse sin. What are we talking about? Oh, they did that. How could they possibly do that? I’d never do that. Well, sure, I’m glad I’m better than them. Sure, I’m glad I don’t have those kinds of faults.

Yeah, I’ve got my demons, but they’re not as bad as that. No. That’s not supposed to happen in the family. It’s not supposed to happen when members are individually part of one another. We’re not supposed to have to fear that kind of rejection among each other. Paul says much the same in Romans chapter 14 and verse 13. Therefore, let us not judge one another anymore. Something that had been going on in the congregation of Rome. And brethren, if it’s happening here, then let Paul speak to us. Brethren, therefore, let us not judge each other anymore. But rather determine this not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way. You know what in that passage? Judging each other is an obstacle or a stumbling block.

4. Shutting Out the Help That God Is Providing

Holding oneself up higher than the other, saying, I wouldn’t do that. How could you possibly do that? That’s the stumbling block right there. Brethren aren’t free to admit that I’m wrong. I need help because we’re so worried about what are they going to think? Not in this family. That’s not the life God called us to. That’s not what God intended for us to have. And so finally, the reason why there’s a problem with the brave face is you are shutting out the help that God is providing. Inwardly, we’re struggling. We don’t want others to know it. We may even be praying at night and every day, Lord, help me. Lord, I need help. And what’s God saying? Okay, here they come. Here they are. You’ve got your brothers and sisters.

They’re going to help you. No, we want God to fix it. That’s not what we were looking for. But you see, if I’m only interested in the facade, if I only want you to see a part of me, the part that’s going good, then you’re not going to know perhaps what’s going on. And the help that God wants me to have, I’m not going to receive. We are to bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. We’re to be able to pray with and for each other that we may be healed. That’s the help that God is sending on a daily basis. But if I just want to live a lie, then I’ve rejected that help. So let’s talk about dropping the brave face this morning.

5. Dropping the Brave Face: Expending Your Energy Wisely

First part of dropping the brave face is expending your energy wisely. Again, you know when you’re struggling and you’re going through these turmoils and these valleys in life, you know how taxing that is. You go to bed exhausted, and then you can’t sleep because your mind is still racing on these things, and so you wake up exhausted and you are tired. So let’s start using that energy instead of just fretting and wondering about what we’re going to do it ourselves. Let’s look at what the help that God is giving us. Let me offer you a few suggestions this morning. Start by reading the scriptures properly. What do I mean by that? I find it in my experience. Not saying this is universally true, but I find this to be true in my experience and the people that I talk to, and in my own life, when I’m struggling, I tend to go away from the Bible.

Why is that? Oftentimes because I think when I go to the Bible, what am I going to read? I’m just going to read myself being condemned over and over and over again. I’m going to read in the Bible in the scriptures about here’s how God intends me to live, and yet I’m not seeing that in my life, so therefore I’m condemned again. Is that what the Bible’s about? Yeah, the Bible points out sin. We know that. The Bible will show me the faults in my life, but what’s the Bible about? The Bible is about people, men and women, having those issues, and yet God restoring them again. That’s what the Bible’s about. And so read the scriptures properly. Read them for what they’re giving you. Don’t just read them or fear reading them because, oh no, it’s going to show me all the things I’m doing that are wrong.

You already know what you’re doing wrong. Let the Bible show you how you can make it right. And that God is the God who will aid you in making it right. And He’ll receive you again. Read it properly. Pray specifically. You’re struggling. And don’t just pray that God would help you. But that God would forgive you. We know the passage in Luke chapter 11. Verse 9, beginning of Luke chapter 11. I said to you, ask and it’ll be given to you. Seek and you will find. Knock, and it’ll be open to you. For everyone who asks, receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, he’ll be open. Now, suppose when you follow just asked by his son for a fish, he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he?

Or if he has asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? If you then being evil know how to give good gifts to your church, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him? What we’re asking for is not specified in this passage. And we also understand the passages about we pray in accordance with God’s will. But we’re talking about in our context this morning, I’m struggling. You’re struggling. What should you be asking for? Ask specifically, God, I need help with this. I am facing this. And not only, Father, do I ask you to forgive me of whatever wrong I may have done, but I am asking you, Father, for help. Because if you’ll do that, then you’ll start looking for God’s answers.

Which, of course, means that you need to be receptive to his help. In the context of this family, the help that he’s going to send you isn’t a miracle. The help he’s going to send you are your brothers and your sisters. Pride can take more than one form. We think of pride and we think of that haughty disposition. We think of the person who looks down his nose on others. Well, that’s pride. Okay. Pride is also that fear of being exposed. What are they going to think of me if they know I’m having this issue? What are they going to think of me if they know that I am struggling with this? And what we fail to remember is that everyone has problems, that there is no one who’s perfect.

Yet we deceive ourselves into thinking in this body because I look and everybody’s happy and smiling. They’ve all got it figured out. I’m the only one who doesn’t. We forget, and you go back to reading those scriptures again, you forget that Peter got caught up in hypocrisy. Paul was a persecutor, John turned back, Moses had doubts. They all struggled. And you’re not alone. And as soon as you can remember that, you’re not perfect, and I’m not perfect, then we can start letting our guards down and we can start asking each other, hey, I’m facing this. Can you pray with me? Can you help me? Can you listen? Which means I need to open up to someone. I’m going to emphasize that again. To someone. We offer and extend an invitation just about every time that we come together and we talk about, you know, if you need to be baptized, and this is the time for you.

If you need the prayers of the church, then come down. And certainly there are instances where that needs to occur. Sin that is public, and the brethren know that you’ve been struggling and you’ve been off in sin, then yes, you need the prayers of the saints. You need to acknowledge that publicly. And while some find comfort in just being able to admit to a whole congregation that I’ve been facing this issue for most, that is a horrifying thought. You mean I’m struggling and you want me to come down there to the front and tell everybody that I’m struggling? I don’t think so. And let me tell you, I sympathize. But that’s not what that’s intended for. That’s not a mandate. It’s not a mandate of God, it’s not a mandate of this church.

What are we asked to do?

To confide in one another. To ask each other for help. The brave face wants me to pull back. God is asking me to draw close. We have 200 and some odd people here. You may not be able to draw close to everybody. But there is someone here who will listen and who will help. James 5.16 is talking about that. James 5.16 about praying for one another is not talking about that you have to admit to the church publicly everything that you’re struggling with, and then they can pray for you. No, James 5.16 is talking about you trusting someone enough and you having that connection as brothers and sisters in Christ that you will pray with and for each other. We’re not talking about a confessor. We’re not talking about someone who you are obligated to go and to admit every fault to, and that you have to report in every week or so.

That’s not what the scriptures are talking about either. We are talking about brethren who care for each other and who can open up to one another. You need to draw close and open up to someone. And let me offer this exhortation as well.

Maybe if I uh uh say that out front, it’ll be okay. First Corinthians chapter six, we were we were looking at this passage a few weeks ago in Bible class, and talking about taking uh matters, lawsuits to heathen judges. And Paul says in 1 Corinthians chapter 6 and in verse 2 to the saints there, do you not know that the saints will judge the world? The world is judged by you. Are you not competent to constitute the smallest law courts? The passage is talking about brethren who are taking each other to court and how absurd that is. You mean to tell me that brethren can’t settle these matters among each other? How could you take these to the heathen? Now here’s the application I’m gonna make of that this morning.

All of us have close friends, and many of those close friends are not our brethren. The temptation that we have in life is well, this person has known me my whole life. They know my background, they know what I’m all about, and so when I’m struggling, I can go and talk to them. Well, I’m not saying you can’t talk to them. I’m not saying that they may not offer you good advice from time to time. I am saying, though, what Paul is saying here. Why take these things to those who don’t share this in common with you, this love of God and this commitment to his word? Because your chances are you’re gonna be opening yourself up to advice that has nothing to do with what God wants you to do in the first place.

But if you and I are attuned to God, if you and I are looking to God for the source of our wisdom and our knowledge, and we can go to each other, then we stand a much better chance of receiving God’s wisdom as opposed to simply man’s wisdom. Open up. You’ve got good brothers and sisters who will care. And who’ll talk with you and weep with you and pray with you. And will follow up with you and ask you the next time, how’s it going? How can I help? Got to open up to someone. Need to trust. Too often we’re content to build superficial and shallow four-year relationships. You know what a four-year relationship is? That’s what we do after services. We’re all in the foyer and we’re talking, we’re shaking hands, we’re catching up on the just kind of the latest news, and then we’ll see you on Wednesday when we come back to the foyer.

That’s not the community and the family that God envisioned. That’s that’s just strangers coming together a few times a week to worship God. We need to have relationships where we can actually bear one another’s burdens. And that doesn’t happen two days a week. That’s an ongoing process, an ongoing relationship. Of course, there’s something to be said for us.

6. We’ve Got to Be the People That Can Help

We want those who are putting forth this facade that’s not really who they are. We want them to seek help, and that means that we’ve got to be the people that can help. This starts, goes through all the congregations. Shepherds who are attuned to the needs of the flock, deacons who are engaged in a holy work. I put these forth because this is really what we talked about when we were talking about re-looking at how our elders and our deacons work. That’s what God wants is shepherds who know what their flock need. And that the deacons engaged in their work and it being a holy work, not just taking care of physical matters in the church building and among the flock, but being involved in a work of getting brethren together, involved in each other’s lives.

That is a holy work. And that’s why when we think about what we’re doing as a congregation, it is very important, because this is what God wants. That these elders are men of wisdom of God. They need to be intimately involved in the lives of the saints so that they can help and lead the flock. But of course, we recognize that the saints all minister to the body. That’s what Paul is saying in Ephesians chapter 4. We take in the teaching, and it equips us for the ministering. So the body may be built up. So very quickly, let me just emphasize again a few things. You and I, we want to be there. We want to help brethren. We want them to be able to drop the facade.

No hypocritical judging. Can’t do it. Can’t be a part of who you are. God won’t have it. It’s not your place. Not your place to determine what that person really meant when they said that. It’s his.

You be engaged in being hospitable to your brethren. If you want a goal in your spiritual life for this next month to work on, if you want something tangible, then make it this. I am going to be hospitable to X number of people this month. There’s your challenge. There’s your goal. And we’re not just going to talk about what happened to the Orlando magic this year. We’re not going to talk about how great the crimson tide are going to be next year. We know that’s a given. We are going to talk about, we are going to talk about our spiritual lives, about God and about Christ and His work and His church. And that’s the source of our conversation. We’re going to talk about our families and how we can help those families grow strong.

Set your goal. Set your goal. And make it someone you’ve not been hospitable to before, by the way, I might add. Get to know somebody. And always keep in mind, the needs of others are truly what’s most important. Brother Rob, in leading us before the Lord’s Supper, and talking about our Lord’s commands to us. In John 13, 34 and 35, a new commandment I give to you. That you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this, all men will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another. They are more important. You love each other. But this mind be in you, which was in Christ, Paul says in Philippians chapter 2. The humility of Christ is setting himself below the created to serve their needs.

Conclusion

Let that mind be in you, Paul says. You recognize that what your brethren need is more important than yourself right now. And brethren, if we’ve got a whole church of men and women who are doing that, then what a wonderful body this will be. Well, I hope that helps. Because we live in a world that just stinks. It is fraught with many problems, perils, and we’re living in it daily. But God said we’re living in it together. Not solo, not individual, not John Wayne blazing guns going through the west. No, you’re living it with a community. You’re living it with his family. He says, together, and with his grace, we can overcome. Of course, Jesus came for broken people. He came for you and me. The brave face doesn’t work with Jesus.

He knows, he sees. And he already knows the help that we need. So we will offer an invitation this morning for you to take full advantage of the help that he offers. That may mean that you need the forgiveness of your sins, that you’ve not yet had the blood of Christ forgive you of your sins. Receive his help. He came for you. Believe in him, repent of your wrongs, be baptized so that your sins may be forgiven. It may be that you stand in need of his help again, that you recognize I have been living in sin. It may be that you need the public prayers of the saints, or it may just be that you need someone to talk to. Someone today that says, I need to tell you about what’s going on in my life, and I need you to pray with me and for me.

So we extend an invitation that’s going to go on throughout this day and throughout this week to seek the help that God has given. If you need to be baptized for the mission of your sins, then by all means come forward at this time, and we will do that. But if you just need a brother or a sister who can be with you and talk with you and pray with you, then know that that invitation extends from God at all times. And by all means, seek out the help that He has given. Can we help you in some way? And if you need to, come forward as we stand and as we stand.