Real Men

Introduction

I invite you, if you have a Bible, to be opening it to 1 Kings chapter 2. In just a moment, I’d like for us to look at a couple of passages from that text. 1 Kings chapter 2. A couple of days ago, Basil was over at my house. And I got to noticing the license plate that’s on the front of his truck. It’s not one that’s issued by the state of Florida, at least I don’t think it is. But it’s one of those specialty custom plates you can get that have a little message on it that you can send to everybody you pass on the road if you want to do that. And the message on Basil’s license plate on the front of his truck says, Real men love Jesus.

And I guess in my case it served its purpose because it got my attention, and I read it and it got me thinking. About what it is that would cause a fellow to put together a license plate like that, and what would cause a fellow like Basil to put it on the front of his truck for everybody to read. And it occurred to me that the point really seems to be that in our culture, that’s not usually the way most people think of manhood. Typically, people in our culture don’t think of a real man as a man that cares about his relationship with Jesus Christ and is concerned about his spiritual life. And it seems to me that one would design a plate like that for others to read because maybe that’s something we need to stop and think about that.

It does raise the question in our minds about what it really means to be a man. And how one measures manhood. Now, in 1 Kings chapter 2, a long time ago, shortly before King David was to die, he called in his son Solomon who would reign in his stead. And he gave them this exhortation. Read with me in 1 Kings 2, starting in verse 1. He says, as David’s time drew near to die, he charged Solomon and his sons, saying, I am going the way of all the earth. Be strong, therefore, and show yourself a man. Literally, the margin says the meaning is become a man. Be a man. I’m convinced that David is not simply saying something about Solomon’s gender. He obviously was male. But rather, David’s words imply that because Solomon was a man, he ought to conduct his life in a certain way.

There are expectations in that statement when he says, show yourself a man. We say similar things sometimes. Sometimes a father, in rebuking his son for immature behavior, will say, be a man. Sometimes even wives, frustrated with the irresponsibility of their husbands, will say something like, I just wish you’d be a man. There are expectations wrapped up in that demand. Expectations about what a man ought to be. But that is the question this morning. What should a man be? Those expectations are important. For a man, what he believes a man should be is going to shape the rest of his life and the course of his life. What he determines is the real measure of manhood. That’s what he’s going to strive to be and become. So for men, it’s important to understand what a man’s supposed to be, but not just for men.

It’s important for women too. Her image of manhood will shape the kind of person she chooses to marry, and then shape her expectations once she is married. It shapes the way we train our sons. We are trying to mold them into man. But what ex to men, but what exactly does that mold look like? How do we measure manhood? It seemed that today would be an appropriate day to think about that. What is the measure of a man? I want to submit to you this morning that if we’re trying to find out what manhood’s all about, our culture has some suggestions for us. That in fact that there is in our culture some models of manhood that are set before us that we’re to consider as examples of what it really means to be a man.

And I’d like to analyze this morning some cultural models of manhood and see if indeed this is what it’s all about to be a real man. For example, I think our culture sets before us what I’d call the Michael Jordan model of manhood. A lot of people look, maybe I should have put a different basketball player for Orlando. But the point is, a lot of people look at a fellow like Michael Jordan and they say, now there’s a real man. Right? Why did they say that about him? Well, I think it’s because he is strong and he’s agile and because he has great athletic ability. All Chicago biases aside, he’s probably about the best fella to play basketball that’s ever played the game. And our culture puts a lot of value on such qualities.

We idolize our athletes, don’t we? Our children paying pictures of them on their walls. Parents will play pay unbelievable amounts of money to get a jersey that has the name and the number of their favorite player on it. Would you believe there are some stores that have the audacity to sell for 80 or 100 or more dollars? Some jersey that’s authentic looking, that has a name and the number of a star player on it, and people will actually pay that kind of money for something like that. Athletes carry such great influence in our culture that advertisers will literally pay them millions of dollars to tout their project products. Just put the right pair of sneakers on the right guy, and you’re going to make millions. They’re looked up to.

There was a TV commercial with a song that said, I like to be like Mike. But his athletic ability and physical strength and agility, the true measure of manhood. Is that what makes you a real man? If you can take a leather ball and shoot it through a metal rim better than anybody else, does that make you a real man? I wonder about that. When I think about that, I can’t help but think about the old Testament character Samson. And I tell you, if you want to talk about physical strength. Samson had that on everybody. In Judges chapter 14 and verse 6, we’re told a story about how Samson literally killed a lion with his bare hands. I don’t think Michael Jordan’s ever done that. And I tell you, if you read on in that context, in chapter 15 and verse 15, you’ll read about Samson killing a thousand men, a thousand men with the jawbone of a donkey.

A thousand men, one guy. Someone looks at that and says, Now, boy, that’s that’s a real man, right? Like to see him play linebacker for the Gators, wouldn’t you?

You know, folks, Samson may have been physically strong, but in terms of character, he was pathetically weak. And caved to the walls and the allurements of a woman and gave away the secret of his strength and destroyed his life. Oh, he was physically strong, but a pathetic human specimen. And there are a lot of modern day Samsons, I would submit to you. We have athletes that can do anything on the baseball field and football field and on the basketball court, but who have no discipline and no character and make a disaster of their life. The truth is a professional lineup card for most professional sports teams today looks more like a police blotter these days. Athletes going into the stands and assaulting fans, being brought up on drug charges and drunk driving and assault and even murder.

It is despicable. Don’t misunderstand, there’s nothing wrong with being physically strong or having athletic ability. But in view of the life and the character of these great athletes of our day, that alone is hardly the measure of man. But if that model will not do, there are others that our culture would offer for us. How about the Antonio Benderis model of manhood? I know some of you are thinking, I don’t even know who that is. I’m not sure that I do either. I think I saw him once on TV. But Antonio Benderis, from what I do know about him, is considered to be one of the more handsome, popular Hollywood actors. And so if Antonio Benderis doesn’t work for you, you can just insert whatever name would be relevant to your generation.

Our society puts a lot of stock into handsome appearance as well. If a fellow’s good looking, if he’s admired by the ladies, a real ladies’ man, then at least as our culture sees it, he’s a real man. But is that a good measure of manhood? I wonder about that. Again, some Old Testament characters come to mind. If you’d be turning back to the book of 1 Samuel, 1 Samuel chapter 9 and verse 2, I think about King Saul. You know, one of the things we may not remember about King Saul is that the Bible talks about his incredible handsome appearance. He may well have been the Antonio Benderis of his day. 1 Samuel chapter 9 and verse 2, speaking of Kish Saul’s father, it says, and he had a son whose name was Saul, a choice and handsome man.

And there was not a more handsome person than he among all the sons of Israel. From his shoulders and up, he was taller than any of the people. Did you catch that? He said, you could look all over Israel, but you wouldn’t have found a guy as good looking as Saul was. And tall. In fact, Saul was just one of those guys who looked like he ought to be a king. But he lacked character. And he failed to put his trust in God, and he made foolish choices, and as a result, his reign as king over Israel was an utter disaster. He himself died in defeat in battle. I think about Saul, and then if you’ll turn over a book or so over to 2 Samuel chapter 14, I think about David’s son Absalom as well.

Absalom, too, is biblically noted for his handsome appearance. 2 Samuel chapter 14 and verse 25, it says, Now in all Israel was no one as handsome as Absalom. So highly praised, from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head, there was no defect in him. He was the perfect human specimen of a man, at least in terms of appearance. And popular. No one more highly praised of him. So the thing about Absalom was that he was handsome on the outside, but corrupt and rotten on the inside. By the way, I might add, like a lot of good-looking Hollywood actors as well. And ultimately, he rebelled against his father the king and threw the nation into civil war and ultimately died in that conflict and grieve his family and hurt his nation.

And don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being handsome in appearance. But as the lives of these two men demonstrate, it’s hardly an adequate measure of what makes one a real man. Well, if it’s not the Michael Jordan model or the Antonio Banderas model, how about the Donald Trump model of man? I don’t know that Donald Trump is known for his physical appearance or his athletic ability, but I tell you what, he is known for something. And that is his ability to make money. Donald Trump is a very wealthy man, and I’ll tell you why he’s so wealthy. He’s a shrewd businessman. He knows how to cut a deal, and he knows how to run a business, and he knows how to make money. And again, I submit to you that in a culture such as ours, that is that is something that is highly valued.

Boy, if you can make money like Donald Trump can make money, that’s a man, I’d say he’s a real man. Is that right? You know, over in Luke chapter 12, Jesus would describe a rich fool who knew how to make money. And Luke 12 and verse 16, it says he told them a parable saying, the land of a certain rich man was very productive. And he began reasoning himself, saying, What shall I do since I have no place to store my crops? And he said, This will I do, I will tear down my barns, and I will build larger ones, and there I will stole all my grain and all my goods, and I will say to my soul, soul, you have many goods laid up for years to come.

Take your ease, eat, drink, and be merry. Boy, this guy could turn a buck. He was such an effective farmer in his work of agriculture, and his crops were so substantial that his facilities couldn’t contain what he had gained. He had to build bigger ones, and he had so much stored away that he could just take it easy. Retire. While he knew how to run a business, he had failed to cultivate a relationship with God, and in the end he lost it all. Verse 21 says, So is the man who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God. In Luke chapter 16, and in verse 19, Jesus would tell us about another rich man who enjoyed a sumptuous life. Verse 19 of Luke 16 says, Now there was a certain rich man who habitually dressed in purple and fine linen, gaily living in splendor every day.

Boy, this guy lived good. He was wealthy. He had it all. And he lost his soul. Or the rich young ruler of Luke 18, verse 23 describes him as extremely rich, but his love for money cost him his soul. There’s nothing wrong with being a good businessman. Nothing wrong with running an effective business, nothing wrong with making a whole lot of money doing it. But as these three stories illustrate, such things are hardly the measure of true manhood. And I’m telling you, folks, that’s the problem with these cultural models. And don’t minimize their impact and their influence on society. On young men, on old men. Sometimes we’re trying to measure up to these models, and what I’m telling you is that when we do, in the end, we’ll be disappointed.

Listen, if a fellow thinks being a real man is all about being physically strong or athletically talented or handsome in appearance or shrewd in business, and he gives his life to pursuing such things in the end, he will be disappointed. And eternally so. And if a young woman is out there looking for a husband, and she puts her stock in his physical strength, if she thinks the important thing is how handsome his appearance is, or in his ability to make money, let me tell you, one day she’s going to wake up disappointed with the man she married. And if we instill in our children’s minds, in our sons, that the most important thing in life is that they become a great athlete. Or the most important thing in life is that they have a handsome outward appearance, or that they know how to really make the money, then I tell you, when our children grow up, we’re going to be disappointed.

And so will they.

God calls upon you and I as Christians to live above the world and to live by a different set of values, and I submit to you that that includes the standard by which we judge manhood. What makes a man a real man is not what our culture says about, but what God says about it. Turn back, if you will, for a moment to 1 Kings chapter 2, because we didn’t read all of that a minute ago, not all that we need to read this morning. Because remember, in 1 Kings chapter 2 and verse 2, David said to Solomon, be strong, therefore, and show yourself a man, but that’s not all he said about it. In verse 3, he goes on to say, and keep the charge of the Lord your God to walk in his ways, to keep his statutes, his commandments, his ordinances, and his testimonies, according to what is written in the law of Moses, that you may succeed in all that you do, and wherever you turn, you want to be successful in life, David says to his son Solomon, you be a man of God.

1. A Real Man Nurtures His Relationship With God

But what makes what makes a man a real man in God’s eyes? I want you to think with me this morning. Not so much about these cultural models which we have to consider, but I want you to think with me about God’s measure of a man. And what is it that in God’s eyes makes a man a real man? But let me warn you in advance. What we’re about to look at isn’t going to look much like what we’ve already seen this morning. But I tell you what, in terms of reward in this life and eternity with God. These are the issues of manhood. This is what makes a man a real man. What kinds of things? Well, let me suggest to you first of all that in God’s eyes, a real man is a man that nurtures his relationship with God.

Now, I warned you, this isn’t going to look like what the world describes. It isn’t necessarily going to fit in the model of our culture. In fact, as we mentioned in the introduction, I doubt there are very many people today who thinking about manhood would have the notion that his relationship with God is of significance. But you see, that’s what’s different about the man of God. Unlike most, he is able to see what relationships in life are really important. He doesn’t make the mistake of the rich fool in Jesus’ parable back in Luke 12 and verse 21. Who had many possessions but was not rich toward God. He is able to discern the real man of God. What relationship in life is truly most important. Over in Ecclesiastes chapter 12 and verse 13.

Solomon would say that the conclusion when all has been heard is this fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. This is what it’s all about to be a human being. Is you respect God and you follow his instructions, you nurture your relationship with him. That’s what matters. You know what’s sad, folks? Is that there are a lot of strong, athletic, good looking, wealthy men who just don’t have a clue about what really matters and the internal implications of their relationship with God. How can you be a real man without having any sense of the core issue of humanity? Your relationship with God. Real men see that. They not only see their relationship with God as most important, but they nurture that relationship.

Let’s just be specific about that. Real men read the Bible because they understand that it is God’s means of communicating with us the way that we know how he wants us to live our lives and to please him. Real men understand the message of the Psalmist in Psalms 119 and verse 11. When he says, Thy word have I treasured in my heart that I may not sin against it. Real men study the Bible that God might guide and direct their lives. Real men pray because they realize that that’s the other half of the communication process. You know, Nehemiah was a great leader, wasn’t he? We studied him a year or so ago. Led great revival in the nation of Israel. If you go back and study his life, you’ll find that he was a man that was dependent on God in prayer in everything that he did.

2. Real Man Knows How to Take Care of His Wife

I tell you, folks, it doesn’t take much talent. It doesn’t take much intelligence to stumble through life without any real sense of what matters. You see, the world thinks that a man is a great man if he can shoot a leather ball through a metal rim more consistently than any other fellow. I think a far more important test of manhood is whether or not he has a sense of what’s really important in life. Real men know that the basic issue of life is one’s relationship with God, and for that reason they nurture it. Let me tell you something else about real men, though. Not only do they nurture their relationship with God, but number two, a real man is a man who knows how to take care of his wife.

Again, I’m not sure that’s such a highly valued characteristic in our culture. In fact, for some, it seems as though being indifferent and unconcerned about your spouse is a mark of manhood. Sometimes men like to sit around when their wives aren’t around. And see who can make the biggest complaint against their wife. You ever heard a group of men do that? Talk about who’s got it roughest at their house? Whose old lady is the most difficult to get along with. Let me tell you something. It doesn’t take much braids to be able to do that. But I tell you what. It takes a lot of hard work and careful character building for a man to know how to take care of his wife. Real men make the effort to know and understand their wives.

In 1 Peter chapter 3 and verse 7, Peter would say, You husbands likewise live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman, and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered. The old King James translation says that husbands are to dwell with their wives according to knowledge. Real men recognize that their wives are not like men. They’re not wired the same way. They perceive things differently. They have different needs and different ways that they want those needs met. And so consequently, real men set out on a mission in life to get to know everything about their spouse, that they may become experts at meeting her needs.

They don’t just do what seems right to them. They meet their wife’s needs and ways that are important to her because they’ve taken the time to find out who she is. If you’ll turn back to Ephesians 5 and verse 25, I would suggest to you also that real men know how to love their wives. In Ephesians 5 and in verse 25. Paul would say, husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. Real men understand that love is more than just feelings or words, although those are important. Love is about conduct, it’s about behavior, it’s about how you treat somebody. In fact, in this context, Paul even ventures to compare the love that a husband is to have for his wife.

But the love that Christ had for the church, there’s the measure, there’s the standard to which we’re called. It is a it is a sacrificial love. As Christ thinks of our needs before his own when he went to the cross. So a husband thinks of her needs before his own. His is the spirit of Christ described in Philippians 2, verses 3 and 4. Where Paul would say, do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind. That each of you regard one another as more important than himself. Do not merely look out for your own personal interest, but also for the interest of others. Have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus. At the end of the hard day, he’s not just thinking about what a hard day he’s had.

He’s thinking about her.

Paul would say that a real man nourishes and cherishes his wife as his own body back in Ephesians 5 and verse 28. So husbands ought to also love their wives as their own body. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it. Just as Christ also does the church. Those are significant words, those words nourish. The ideas of meeting every need of every facet of her being. Cherish to care for her tenderly and lovingly with the affection that a woman needs. I know that doesn’t fit the cultural models of manhood. That many men would choke on the idea of being over a sink of dirty dishes in the kitchen helping a wife who’s had a hard day.

3. A Real Man Knows How to Train His Children

But I’m going to tell you something. At the same time, folks, it doesn’t take much talent to be an insensitive clod who only thinks about himself. It takes a real man to know how to take care of his wife. Let me suggest to you, thirdly, another part of God’s measure for real man is that a real man knows how to train his children. Again, that’s not part of the world’s model, but it’s definitely part of God’s. In Ephesians 6 and verse 4, Paul would say, and fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And real men take up that challenge. It is not a responsibility that they’re willing to abdicate to the wife only.

And in too many homes and in too many Christians’ homes, that’s what’s happened. Moms had to take up the work of training children. It is not a responsibility abdicated to the Bible class teacher at church, but real men teach their kids.

They teach them by reading the Bible to them and talking to them about God’s word. You know, that’s how Moses would describe family life or as it was supposed to be among the children of Israel in Deuteronomy chapter 6 and verse 6. He says, and these words which I’m commanding you today shall be on your heart, and you shall teach them diligently to your sons, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up, dad’s just be talking to your kids about God and his word all the time. Real men apply God’s word to specific life situations so that their children can see God’s work in their house at work in their lives.

True fathers will discipline their children, being careful to reward and praise good behavior, punishing what’s wrong consistently. But the key is that a man who’s a real man gets personally involved in the work of raising his children. They make the sacrifices necessary to have time for their kids, to go to the ball games and the band concerts and to listen to every last detail that a six year old wants to share about what happened in kindergarten today. And to help them finish their math homework and to learn their memory verse for Bible class. My point is that real men are not passive observers watching from the sidelines as their children pass through these formative years. They are out in front leading them through the process. I tell you, folks, it doesn’t take much talent to be a failure as a father.

4. Real Men Control Their Passions

Anybody can do that. But it takes real character to be the kind of father that kids need their dads to be today. That’s what real men do. Let me give you one last thing this morning. In terms of what God values, I want you to appreciate that real men are men who control their passions, who control their lusts. On so many fronts, men today must wage war with their passions. For example, men must fight the battle to keep themselves sexually pure and to control their sexual passions. Self-discipline with regard to sex is not something that is highly valued on the part of a man in our culture. In fact, in some quarters of our culture, men are admired for their sexual irresponsibility. Even bragging as though it were something of note about the number of women with whom they’ve committed fornication.

A while back, the famous basketball star, Wilt Chamberlain, published a bragging book in which he boasted about how many women he had been with in an illicit sexual relationship. I want to tell you something, folks. It doesn’t take any character to be sexually irresponsible. That is especially true in a culture like ours, where sexual sins are encouraged and prominently advertised in a culture like that. It is an easy thing to be sexually irresponsible. No character to do that.

But it takes great strength of character and discipline, especially in a culture like ours, to be a man that’s sexually pure. I want to say something to our young men in this audience. It doesn’t take much character to sleep with your girlfriend because that’s what everyone else at school is doing, but it takes some character to stand up and to resist those urges and those temptations and to wait until you get married. In Hebrews chapter 13 and verse 4. The Hebrew writer said, let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled. For fornicators and adulterers, God will judge. I tell you something, young men. It may not be a mark of significance among your friends that you’re a virgin until you get married.

But it is a great thing in the eyes of God whose standard matters. And it takes great character after marriage to be faithful to your spouse. Especially in a culture like ours, where so many are not, and so many seem to care little about that. Folks, a real man is not the one who has no control over his passions. It takes no strength to do that. A real man is a man that even can subdue and subject to the will of Jesus Christ, his strongest passions. We’ve got to fight the battle to control our sexual passions. We’ve got to fight the battle to control our anger. Again, it seems that sometimes in our culture that people think just the opposite way. That a man who is who is not in control of his anger and who is vengeful and takes revenge on others, he’s the one that’s held up.

Back when I was growing up, Sylvester Stallone had some movies that came out. The first blood movies, there was a whole series of them. I didn’t need to see any of them. But you know what they were all about? A guy that couldn’t control his anger and went out in horrible, violent ways, taking vengeance on everybody that had offended him. And guess what? He was the hero. It doesn’t take any special talent to get angry or any special strength to get mad and go out and hurt the person who offends you. It’s not character. It takes a lot of character when you’re angry to subdue it. That’s real strength. Strength is not an arm of a man who can take his fist and double it up and punch a guy in the nose that made him angry.

Real strength is the guy who wants to do it but doesn’t. Ephesians 4.26 says, be angry and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down in your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. In fact, you don’t know about real strength. It’s not just the resisting the urge to punch that guy who’s aggravated you right square in the nose. Real strength is instead to turn around and do something kind for him. Romans chapter 12. In verse 19, Paul would say, Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is mine, and I will repay, says the Lord. But he goes on to say, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he’s thirsty, give him a drink.

For in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. I tell you what takes self discipline and real strength is to go do something kind for that guy at work that absolutely drives you nuts. That’s character. Anyone can lose their temple.