Real Relationships – Real Work

Introduction

Good morning. If we’ll open in your Bibles to Genesis chapter 3. Genesis chapter 3. In verse 1 of the story you may be familiar with, it says, Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, Did God actually say, You shall not eat of any tree in the garden? And the woman said to the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden. But God said, You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die. But the serpent said to the woman, You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.

So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. And she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. We’re familiar with that story being the first sin recorded in the Bible. And we think about Eve and her confrontation with the serpent, the devil, and when we think about Adam partaking in the sin, but I want to think this morning about what Adam was doing in the meantime, what Eve was facing while Adam was somewhere doing apparently almost nothing in the background, and figure out what does that mean for us. Our theme for this year and last year has been growing together and now working together.

And the truth of the matter is we have to be willing to make relationships. But real relationships take real work. It takes upkeep. It takes pressure-packed moments. Forgiveness, even after those pressure-packed moments. If real relationships are necessary to the work, if real relationships are necessary to growth, and real relationships take work. If I’m not putting work into any relationship, what does that mean for me? You see, at any time we can be one of two different people, and I think we can either be Eve or Adam. And while verse 6 says Adam was with her, in the first five verses, he may as well have not even been there. If he was there, he wasn’t contributing anything that’s recorded. And it’s possible, although we can’t be certain, that he walked up after this encounter with the serpent and Eve was done.

1. We Have to Be Willing to Find Wise Counsel

So this morning we’re going to look at things from Eve’s perspective as a friend who’s in need, and then from Adam’s perspective, as a friend who should be there to help. You see, at one point or another, we’re going to be one of these two people. And the question is, what does God want from me in each of these circumstances? What is the work that I need to be putting in so that we can both grow together? So that on our journey we can both be pleasing to God. And so from Eve’s perspective, being the friend in need, the first lesson from Genesis chapter 3 is we have to be willing to find wise counsel. Eve struck out on two counts in this. You see in verse 1?

Now the serpent is crafty. More crafty than any other beast of the field that God had even made. And where does Eve find herself in verse 1? Listening to the serpent. That’s not the type of wise counsel we’re talking about. Now he’s described as crafty. He’s described as cunning even, but that’s not the wise counsel scriptures teach us we need to be taking in. Of course, you’d say, well, Eve doesn’t really have a whole lot of other options. Here’s this talking serpent. And the other thing she has is Adam. And again, where is Adam in the first five verses? Either contributing nothing or not there. But we don’t have that problem. We don’t have to be standing right where she’s standing, a point we’re going to get to in a moment.

We need to be taking in and finding wise counsel. Now, if I ask for a show of hands and I’m not, because then I’ll know who’s not listening, and that’s depressing. I would say, who knows that we need to take wise counsel? Every hand would go up. But I wonder if I asked who called somebody this week for advice, what percentage of the hands would still go up? And if I made the question more specific, who needed advice on something that wasn’t related to their household? Some sort of physical need, something that only a mom would have the answer to. How many hands would go up? Certainly there’s no problem at all with a parent or a spouse being that wise counsel. In fact, that’s one of the many blessings of God.

And throughout the Proverbs, as Solomon is addressing his son figuratively and perhaps even literally, the idea is he’s giving him wisdom as a father would give to a son. And he wants his son to remember the wisdom that a mother would give to her son. But do we have somebody we really feel can give us wise, sound biblical counsel? If I ask one more question with that show of hands and said, who has called someone within the last week or month about a spiritual concern or weakness, being in need? Finding someone who knows more, who has a relationship with God that’s worth asking about. Have I reached out and asked anyone for guidance there? If not, and I know I should. What does that say about how seriously I’m taking my faith?

What does that say about how seriously I’m taking the Proverbs? In Proverbs chapter 27, look with me there. In Proverbs chapter 27, the wisdom is clear. We should be reaching out. We should find somebody. It doesn’t have to be everybody, but somebody should be in your corner. Somebody, and it might be someone you look to on your left or your right or in front or behind this morning, can give you wise counsel here among God’s children, the faithful brethren of this church. In Proverbs chapter 27 and verse 6, faithful are the wounds of a friend, but profuse are the kisses of an enemy. You know, one thing we sometimes tend to do is to gather people who tell us things we want to hear. Proverbs say that profuses are the kisses of the enemy.

It’s easy to find people who disagree with you. Ask Rhaboah. He asked two different groups of people for advice. He had the older, wiser counselors from Solomon’s day, and he had his peers, and his peers said exactly what Rhaboam wanted to hear. Hey, you’re the king, Rahbaum. The people want you to lighten their load in 1 Kings chapter 12. You just tell them I’m going to make it worse. And how did that go for him? Rejecting wise counsel, taking the counsel he wanted to hear. It tore the kingdom apart, as God said that it would. And so as we think about the first part of the verse, faithful are the wounds of a friend. Do you have a friend? Can you find somebody this morning before you leave who would be willing to faithfully wound you?

For sake of time and jokes, I’m not going to go into the fact that that sounds like a negative. We’re going to stay on the positive track spiritually here. Do you have somebody who’s willing to say that’s not right? You look at Eve, and she’s in the garden reasoning with the serpent, and what is he saying? He’s saying, has God really said you can’t eat of this tree? Has he really said this is a big deal? Do you really think it is? And she said, Yes, I will die if I even touch it. And the serpent in verse 4 of chapter 3 said, You won’t die. She needed somebody to step up. She needed Adam in that circumstance to step up and say, That’s what God said.

If God says it, it’s true all the time. She needed the faithful wounds of a friend. I need to find someone who can deliver those wounds when I need them faithfully. In Proverbs chapter 12 and verse 15, a similar thought. And by the way, there’s so many Proverbs, it was very hard to narrow this list down. But in Proverbs chapter 12 and verse 15, the way of a fool is right in his own eyes. And what was it that Eve did in Genesis chapter 3? She was looking at the fruit. And she desired it as she stared longingly at it. But the last part of verse 15, but a wise man listens to advice. There’s two parts in this that are very hard. First of all, I have to be willing to seek out and find somebody who will tell me I’m wrong.

And that’s uncomfortable. And the way we treat it, it’s almost as if it’s unnecessary. Scriptures say that it is, though. Then there’s that second part. Even when I receive that counsel, even when I receive that wise advice, I have to actually take it. Even if it’s not something I want to hear. Even if it’s something I don’t agree with. Remember, that was Ray Boom’s problem. He did step one. Ray Eboam found wise counsel. Solomon’s counselor said, lighten their load. Tell them you’re on their side. They’ll serve you faithfully forever. Rahboam heard that and then rejected it. And that wisdom then did him no good. So the first step this morning is to find wise counsel and secondly, be willing to accept it. But if I am that friend in need and I have even wise counsel, there’s another problem here that Eve exhibits, and that she is finding herself in Genesis chapter 3.

2. Don’t Fixate on Struggles; Don’t Stare at the Tree

Notice where she is specifically in verse 2 and 3. Turn back there with me. I think this is so crucial. While we try to not dwell on our struggles, the garden had one rule. One rule. One tree not to eat of. And where is Eve standing, apparently? Right next to it. We don’t know the expanses of the garden. We don’t know what the geography was exactly like, but I do know Eve is next to the two things in the entire garden that can do her harm. The serpent, and she’s having a conversation with him, and the tree and she’s staring at it. It’s pretty easy to say, well, Eve, you’ve had finer moments.

Trying to reason through a problem, thinking I can figure this out, I can do it on my own. Or thinking about and longing for some sort of fleshly temptation. Because after all, it will be okay. I won’t surely die. If you notice in verse 6, it says, So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, she’s standing right next to it, staring at it, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. If I’m the friend in need, it’s true that while this morning’s gist of the lesson is on relationships and what I need to be looking for, and I need to be looking for wise counsel.

I need to be humble enough to take wise counsel. One thing I need to do is help myself here. Don’t fixate on struggles. Don’t stare at the tree. And maybe don’t even dwell eternally on the reaction to the tree. Does God offer forgiveness to his children who confess their sins and repent? Yes. And so what should we do? If God has forgiven you, if God has promised that he will forgive you, you’ve done what God has said. What is the right thing to do as a faithful child of God when you’ve been forgiven? Be thankful and move on. Don’t fixate. Don’t key in on the tree. This is Eve’s entire problem. She’s staring at the one thing that can cause her harm. There’s another proverb about that.

Turn back to Proverbs chapter 23. I hope it hasn’t escaped your notice. We’re going to be in the Proverbs a bit this morning. But in Proverbs chapter 23, notice other wisdom here about not to look right into temptation. And why not to do that? In Proverbs chapter 23 and verse 29, who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Verse 30. Those who tarry long over wine, those who go to try mixed wine. Do not look at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup and goes down smoothly. In the end, it bites like a serpent and stings like an adder. So think about that. Notice verse 30 and 31.

Those who tarry long over wine. And verse 31, those who are looking at it as it sparkles in the cup.

Can the scriptures be more clear? We should not be fixating on sin. In fact, when we look at 2 Timothy chapter 2 and verse 22, we are to flee youthful lust. Now contrast what Eve did with fleeing youthful lust. To flee means to get out. That’s what Joseph did. In Genesis chapter 39, he was caught by Potiphar’s wife. She had him by the cloak, apparently. And what did he do? He fled. He ran it back so fast she was left with the cloak. By the way, things didn’t end happily ever after right away for him in doing that, but he did the right thing because he would not create that great wickedness and sin against God. But when you think about Eve, and you think about the writer of the Proverbs here, talking about someone staring at wine, that’s the opposite of fleeing.

Fixating. Getting caught up in the details of. And you know the other problem when we’re staring at the tree or staring at the cup? We forget that there’s other people there who can help us. It’s great to have wise counselors. It’s great to have them on speed dial, to have them in your phone. But if you don’t bring the phone with you, if you don’t pick up the phone and ask, if you don’t get in your car and drive and talk to somebody about your struggle, when we’re left to our own devices, the scripture shows us we might sin. And if we take sin seriously, not only will we flee from it at first, we won’t reason with it. We won’t try to compromise and dabble a little bit in it.

We will flee the temptation. Look in 2 Timothy chapter 2, though. We’re going to come back to this passage in the Adam section. But in 2 Timothy chapter 2, it’s not just to flee youthful lust, but also verse 23. Have nothing. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies. You know that they breed quarrels. And there was much in this context about not getting caught up in the problems that Paul is dealing with Timothy of in that day. But notice what he says. He doesn’t say dabble in it. He doesn’t say put them down when they’re wrong. He says, have nothing to do with these foolish, ignorant controversies. Stay away. What’s the best way to avoid sin? Flee it. Far from it. Romans chapter 12, verse 9, let love be without hypocrisy, abhor what is evil, cling to what is good.

3. We Have to Be Prepared

If we’re caught up in what we can do in praising God for all the good things, we don’t have time to be fixated on bad things, tough things. We need to keep that lesson in mind as we flee youthful lust, as we don’t dwell on the struggles that Satan wants to put right before our eyes. One final point on Eve. If we’re the friend in need, we have to be prepared. That involves finding wise counsel. That involves having an attitude of humility to listen to wisdom. It means that I won’t be dwelling on my struggles, I will be proactively channeling my thoughts and my mind on positive things, on things that uplift, on things that are good. But then there’s this fact about also being prepared.

Eve knew the law. Did you notice that back in Genesis chapter 3? It’s interesting, the law, as given in Genesis chapter 2 doesn’t include touching fruit from the tree. But she says that. She says, if I eat from it or touch it, we will die. Whether she’s right or wrong isn’t the point. The point is she knew what she was about to do was sinful. The devil didn’t trick her. He didn’t confuse her. She knew the law and she refused to follow it. We have to be prepared. And it doesn’t just mean knowing that there are some good things out there, knowing that there’s some people I could call. There’s an attitude I should have. I know I should fixate my thoughts. It’s to actually do it.

In Proverbs chapter 11 and verse 14, consider the words of the Proverb. Where there is no guidance, a people falls. But in an abundance of counselors, there is safety. If you have abundance of counselors and find safety there, what have you done of necessity? Take it advantage of them. We have to be willing to make the call, to listen to the advice, to even take the faithful wounds of a friend. In chapter 13 and verse 20, consider the wisdom there. Whoever walks with the wives becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Here’s the problem, and that we don’t really relate to it. I’m going to be honest. I don’t relate to this problem. Eve is conversing in Genesis chapter 3 with who in the first four verses.

The crafty serpent. The one out for her demise. It’s pretty easy to paint a case against Eve to say, that was foolish. But remember, the only things apparently that we’re talking, besides maybe God in his interactions with them, would be the serpent and Adam, who we’ll get to in a moment. But here she is conversing with this serpent who’s lying to her, trying to deceive and manipulate her. And she’s staying there having a conversation. Part of being prepared for a time of need, a time of decision to follow God or be dragged away from him, is to make sure we’re first found where, according to this proper in companionship with wise people. Not just for their counsel, not just so I can pick up the phone and say, hey, what was God’s law on the fruit again?

I don’t know what the law was. Can you inform me? There’s a place for that. But if we walk with people who are wise, those who know more than us, who are more faithful than us, what do we learn and glean from that according to verse 20? Their wisdom too. We have to proactively surround ourselves with wisdom, not just for a panicked conversation, but for daily growth. And so we see again the problem of Rehaboam in 1 Kings 12 magnified. He found security and safety in people his age who told him what he wanted to hear. When perhaps if he had been with Solomon’s counselors all along, he would have been prepared for this tough decision. He would have recognized a good king leads from the front, not with a whip from up on high.

But when that decision came, it was too late. We have to be willing to find those who are wise and walk arm in arm with them. It’s in Ecclesiastes chapter 4 in verses 9 through 12. The idea that a twofold cord is not quickly broken. Who’s your other half of this faithful walk? Who is there for you, not in a moment of crisis, but every day along the way? Who are you learning from? Who are you helping guide? Again, if we don’t have that, we’re ignoring God’s plan for us. There’s so many scriptures about taking, finding, and walking with wise men and taking wise counsel. If we don’t practice that, can we say we take the word of God seriously? And so when we’re a friend in need, we need to be willing to reach out.

4. When Somebody Is in Need, I Need to Stay Close

And we need to be proactively finding ourselves in company with those who are to our benefit in how we stand and answer before God. But then there’s this other problem with Adam. It’s when I am the helpful friend. What do I need to be willing to do? This is really interesting because as you go back to Genesis chapter 3, you think about the story, you think about the serpent tricking Eve. Adam’s either not there or completely useless in the background. Because when he finally shows up on the picture in verse 6, the text says, and he was with her, and she did what? She gave him some of the fruit, and he ate too. So perhaps he’s being tricked as well, but he’s certainly not making an impact.

When somebody is in need, I need to stay close to them. Now I don’t mean stay close in the way Adam did, standing there behind, just taking it in, saying, all right, you do what you want to do. When we say stay close, make an impact. But to have real relationships, we say they take real work. Why? Because this is hard. If I’m going to stay close to somebody who’s in need, that means giving up what? My time. My desires. What I want to be doing because somebody, my brother, my sister needs me. And as God’s servant, I have sacrificed my life and following after Christ. Notice in Hebrews chapter 10. In Hebrews chapter 10, notice the epitome of this passage. The concept is entirely the idea of looking out for somebody else.

Forgiving of self for others. In verse 24, let us consider how to stir one another up to love and good works. How are we going to do that? In verse 25. Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near. Rather than using this as a club for a lack of attending church services, we should see what’s actually in there in verse 24. Consider, I have to think how to lift others up. In verse 25, what is necessary for that to happen? I have to be with people. Not neglecting to meet together. It’s not about rule following, it’s about a real relationship. And to have a real relationship, I have to be there with you.

I have to be there for you. You need to be there for me. In verse 25, not neglecting to meet together, that is so crucial to understanding this next bar. What do we do when we are together? Encourage one another as the day draws near. Does this passage teach that we should be together? Yes. Not out of some compulsory attendance, but out of the desire to stay near and helpful and encouraging to those I need a real relationship with.

5. I Must Be Willing to Speak Up

When Job suffered in chapter 2, his friends heard about it and they came and they just sat with them. They were near. It’s not about a magic formula of words. It’s not even necessarily about doing the right thing always. It’s about being there for someone who needs your comfort. As Ecclesiastes chapter 4 says, when someone falls, one can lift him back up. Adam, if he was there in physical presence, was not a spiritual guide for her. And so it’s not enough just to stay close. Secondly, as a friend who is helpful, I must be willing to speak up. We’ve looked at Proverbs chapter 27 and verse 6. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. It’s one thing to take those wounds. It’s another to have to deliver those wounds.

You know, there’s really, there’s two types of people. There’s those who love sharing other people’s problems with them. And then there are those who want nothing more than to sweep it under the rug and move on. The problem is, while the kisses of an enemy are profuse, what does God expect if I’m in a real relationship with you? If you’re in a real relationship with me, what does God think is necessary for me at various times? For you to tell me my faults. That means two things, by the way. One, you have to be close enough to me to see my faults. Now, for some of us, like myself, you don’t have to be that close. But to really make an impact, to change the day-to-day living, if you’re near, you’re going to see some things.

And if I’m going to fulfill the wisdom of God, I have to be willing to speak up. Adam failed as a husband in this instance, regardless of the specificity as to why. Whether he was there or not, he didn’t speak up. He wasn’t a leader. He’s a footnote in the text because he allowed himself to be. The center stage was Eve and the serpent. Where was Adam, her companion? Where was Adam the leader? Behind and sinning just the same. If we’re not careful, not only are we failing God and his wisdom and his plan to deliver these faithful wounds, we might get caught up in them too. And James chapter 5, this is a New Testament idea. Turn with me to James chapter 5. I want us to see this idea.

We know verse 16 and 17 well, but I want to read down into verse 19 and 20 as well. In James 5, beginning in verse 15, notice the emphasis put on our relationship working together. What is necessary for me as your brother? What is necessary for you as my brother or sister? James 5, 15. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain.

And for three years and six months, it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit. My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins. I want to think about two really powerful impacts of verse 19 and 20. Notice verse 20 first. If we bring someone back as a faithful brother or sister, who is wandering from the truth, what does God say is there? Salvation of his soul, verse 20? And a multitude of sins being covered. Now let me ask this question. How seriously does God take the role of me reaching out and helping someone who needs those quote unquote faithful wounds?

How important is it to be the one to deliver and take humbly the bad news that I’ve messed up? That I’ve done wrong. Secondly, in verse 19, he says, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, what is the expectation for what will bring somebody back? Someone with a relationship. Me. It’s our responsibility. I want to think for a moment about 1 Corinthians chapter 5. In 1 Corinthians chapter 5, there was a man who had his father’s wife, and he was living openly in sin in the Corinthian church. What was the way to restore that man’s soul? In 1 Corinthians chapter 5, that is the passage on withdrawal. Now, of course, the purpose for withdrawal was not to publicly hang this man out to dry.

It was to save his soul from the snare of the devil. How does withdrawal work, though? Why is that God’s plan? Why is that one of the marks of discipline? Similarly to James 5 19, the expectation is that by withdrawing our fellowship, or can I put it into kind of more modern vernacular, our relationship with somebody, they would see the error and seriousness of their ways and change. You know when that punishment is useless? When I have no relationship with somebody.

If one of God’s marks of earthly discipline is to withdraw a relationship, and that should cause me or someone to think about what I’ve done, to recognize the grave error of sin I am openly living in. But if I’m withdrawn from and don’t notice a difference, not only have I failed, the congregation of God has failed as a collective and down to an individual number. Real relationships involve staying close, in part, so that we not only stay on track, but also that when we fall off, there’s something there to pull somebody back. If we don’t have these relationships, not only are we failing our brother, we’re failing God. You look at James 5.19, the expectation is if someone is wandering, can they come to a realization through the Word of God, through what God has revealed?

6. I Can’t Ever Compromise

Yes, of course. But what should we be looking for? Verse 19, if anyone wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, you should know God is going to save his soul and cover his soul from a multitude of sins. God takes the wandering sinner seriously. And so is God’s child. I have to too. But I have to be close enough to somebody to understand their needs. And I have to be brave enough and committed to God enough to share their needs with them. And so finally, being the helpful friend doesn’t mean just staying close and speaking up. It means I can’t ever compromise. Not only in verse 6 did Adam compromise himself, he compromised his aid to Eve by doing nothing. It was easy to stand back and do nothing.

It’s easy to not be there. It’s easy to say, Eve did it. It’s not my problem. It’s not my choice. But what’s not easy is to recognize God says, we are a team. And while I don’t answer for your life and you don’t answer for mine, I do answer for how I’ve helped you. Or how I haven’t. I do answer for how I’ve been there for you. Or how I’ve left you alone. If you look back to 2 Timothy chapter 2, I said we’d come back to our final passage this morning. In 2 Timothy chapter 2, not only does verse 22 say, flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Not only does verse 23 say, have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies, you know that they breed quarrels.

Note verse 24 through 26. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome, but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness, that God may perhaps grant them repentance, leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil after being captured by him to do his will. In Genesis chapter 3 in the garden, Eve was having a conversation near the one tree with the one being that had it out for her. The devil was ensnaring her as they spoke. The longer she listened, the longer she stared, the more in need she became. But make no mistake. The serpent wasn’t the only one guilty that day. Eve wasn’t the only one guilty that day.

Conclusion

Adam was guilty not just because he ate of the fruit, too, but because he didn’t step in and be the helper that Eve needed at that moment. God has made it clear that he expects us to have relationships, to build each other up, to reach out when someone is erring from the truth. If I don’t have those relationships, I failed from the get-go. If I have the relationship but I’m unwilling to speak up, I have failed in the middle. But I also need to remember that’s not just about me reaching out to help others. It’s about me needing to be willing to raise my hand up and say, I need help too. Real relationships necessitate real work. But thanks be to God that our ultimate help, our ultimate deliverance and salvation is found in God alone.

He offers the forgiveness of sins. He sent Jesus to die on the cross for my sins. And because I owe him everything, I start by paying back what he wants me to do, reaching out to others. Will you go to that God in prayer with me? Our dear God and most gracious and loving Heavenly Father, we praise you, humbly coming before your throne, recognizing how lowly we are in your sight. Thank you for sending Jesus to die on the cross for our sins, that we may be cleansed, that we were bought with a price, that we bec can become a new man, a new creature, changed, different in every conceivable way. Help us as we journey through this life to allow ourselves to take