Resisting the Cultural Drift at Home

Introduction

Good evening. I was trying to think, what do I say about Ken when he doesn’t engage? And then I thought, it just hit me in the middle of our service. He’s not perfect, but he’s pretty good. I’ll give you a second to think through our song service there. Thankful very much for Ken and DJ. We were able to spend some time with them today. Love them dearly. Are very thankful for them. Very thankful for J.R. and Rachel being here. I heard that J.R. is going to take up the meetup. That’s one of my favorite parts of working in a city like Orlando, Florida. There’s so many people. And with so many people, there are always people who are looking, looking for lights, looking for hope, looking for what God offers and God alone.

Jesus promises that if we ask, seek and knock, he will answer.

Isn’t that awesome? We’ve just enjoyed such an amazing week. They say Southern hospitality can’t be beat. I don’t know that Florida counts as Southern, but this hospitality was really good. And we’re thankful to have eaten with everyone who we were able to share a meal with. Thankful to hug and handshake and awkwardly look at each other from across the room as my son face plants for the 94th time, and my attention is distracted. We are just so thankful for the church here at South Bumby and in Orlando, Florida. We pray that you know that God loves you, that he has patience for you, and that we care for you. And if we can ever be of any help to you outside of service this evening. Please know we are only a text message away.

And more importantly, Kashka’s only a FaceTime away. She’s up all hours of the night and would love to hear from you, especially during normal sleep time. Here we’ll look in Ephesians chapter 6. One of the downsides of returning to a congregation you’ve been at is when you have the pre-meeting elder chat, and the elders sometimes have an idea of a theme for the meeting, which we had this year, 21st century issues that Christians face. And normally what happens is you have a blank slate and they ask you something, you can say, Well, this is uh this is a strength, this is a weakness, this is something I’ve done before. But the reason it is a weakness, I thought it would be a strength, I thought it would be great, but then it occurred to me that I have said things on the record.

And one of the things that I had shared on the record to Walcott of all people was that I don’t feel comfortable teaching parent and home lessons because when I was here, I am not a parent. And I lived in a home and I appreciated that, and that was the extent of what I could offer that besides reading Ephesians chapter 6 and Deuteronomy chapter 6. And so, wouldn’t you know it? The quiet one spoke up on the elder call and said, We want you to do a parenting lesson. And I said, Pass. And he said, You said when you had a son, and last I checked, Benjamin was a son. So, what we are gonna do is going to look at things that I can do, which is share observations, and I hope everyone just flinched because that’s always scary.

1. God’s Plan A for the Home

And look at what God’s word says. We’re gonna simply examine how is Satan attacking the home, and what does it look like for Christians, not just in that home, but rather than how to do this or that as a mom or dad or uncle or grandparent, but how do we as a local church help empower those who are in the trenches, so to speak, of these experiences? Because I can speak to needing a whole lot of help from the God who can grant it, from the only family that we have, which is his people. In Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 1, children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, and this is the first commandment with the promise, that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Now I will tell you in verse 4, I’ve heard a lot of guesses as to why fathers are called out as not provoking their children to wrath. But I will say, this one time and one time only, my experience speaks to this. I am far more likely to provoke Benjamin to wrath than Kashka is. And I know my sunny disposition makes that a surprise, but for whatever reason I seem to be wired to bother him more. And so we’re gonna look at what does this look like as a challenge? Because we understand to obey your parents implies that God has a view of family that wouldn’t you know it starts with a father and mother to be obeyed.

And I really wish that this would be something that we didn’t even have to call out, but in today’s society it becomes a pretty crucial point. God expects the home to be consisting of a faithful marriage, which is a coupling of a husband and a wife. And to be clear, that is someone who has always intended to be a husband by birth, and someone who is always intended and exclusively to be a wife by birth. If you think that’s weird, watch the news for five seconds and you’ll realize why I had to even say that. Going back to the beginning, this is how God made them. He made marriage, he made Adam and Eve, and it was good. Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 2, a child is to honor their father and mother, and the implication would be that they have one to honor.

I will even add, though, let’s go beyond just throwing stones at people, it’s easy to throw stones at and say the marriage has to be strong for this to even work. Because do children need to submit to parents who aren’t doing their best? Of course. But isn’t it easier to submit to elders, to your neighbor’s will, women to your husbands from Ephesians chapter 5, when they’re ruling in a way that deserves honor, that is sacrificially putting your needs first, the way God sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins, the way shepherds are to check their ego at the door to care for the flock, the way the husband is to love their own wife as their own flesh. If we’re not getting this right, the whole rest of it is going to be very, very difficult.

And my job tonight is not, whether it’s intended to be or otherwise, to throw darts at everyone and say, if you’re struggling in your marriage or it’s not what you wish it was, or you can’t even change it, the Titanic has sunk. It’s to say that this is God’s plan. This is plan A. And we’ll talk about how to adjust as we go. One of the things it comes down to is if we’re going to have children obey, if we’re going to have the type of household that creates more Christians, more faithfulness in this dark, dark world, then we realize all of these Christian traits of leadership like Nehemiah, like Christ, of course, and the apostles. What it means to have faith, not just to be faithful, not just to keep rules, but to have a faith that guides us to build and make relationships, not to just be the weirdo in the corner with the screen, right?

Or to move from the one screen to the next screen. And for those of you, if anyone here has a screen on the refrigerator, you are the weirdo for now. Maybe in 10 years that’ll flip, but if you’re going from room to room and there’s a screen everywhere, the problem’s not the screens. It’s you following and surrounding yourselves with them. And maybe one of the first places we can learn that is from parents who would use their time to talk to people. That is face to face on the phone. And yes, maybe even using the phone to communicate, but doing that in a way that our kids know what’s happening. And by the way, this all has to be modeled and taught with kindness. It said, and this is disturbing to me, this is a real challenge.

This really does keep me up at night, that oftentimes a child’s view of God is how they parent or were parented. Right? So if you grew up and your parents were constantly judging you, number one, maybe you’re a rascal like Ken. Someone had to parent him. And that involves a lot of discipline. But it might just be that maybe all that discipline, deserved or otherwise, makes you think that’s what God’s doing. God’s just up in heaven, and the minute I cross that line, he’s gonna smack me down. And if we learn anything from the story of the Israelites, is that God has way more patience than we often do, and I promise you, he has more patience for them than I do for my two-year-old, and he’s nice.

2. Modeled First in the Home

He’s pretty good. That was the cue for him to start crying at random, it didn’t work. When we think about not just serving God, this modeling in the household is more than just, can I make sure my kids have all their memory verses? Can I make sure they know the word of God? That is important, of course. Of course, it’s pivotal to know God, to know his word, to listen to him and to know the stories. But more than that, it’s to do the right thing and to do it with a smile. Not one of those creepy ones, but to do things in a happy way. Because you want to, not because you’ll get in trouble with someone in the sky if you don’t. Not because the preacher’s gonna get you, not because the person on the pew next to you is gonna know you’re gone, you’ll feel guilty.

But to do the right thing because it’s what you want to do to serve God. Notice this in Ephesians chapter 4. Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 32. Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another is God in Christ forgave you. There’s more to Christianity than rule keeping. You see this in verse 25 through 31, there’s all these things not to do. Verse 31, let all bitterness, clamor, slander, and malice be put away from you. And we think that’s what we gotta teach, and that’s true. And I hope all of us, adult down, put away bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, malice. But verse 32 is to put on something. To be kind. And yes, that is service, but it’s also an attitude. To be forgiving isn’t a I forgive you speech.

It’s a heart that is willing and wanting people who are in the wrong to be in the right, not because I am the arbitrator or judge, but because I love you, and I want to give you the same mercy I desperately want and need from my God. And where’s that going to be modeled first? In the home. We see this in the Old Testament. Look at Deuteronomy chapter 11. Yes, we I promise we’ll look at Deuteronomy chapter 6 if time allows. But in Deuteronomy chapter 11, very similar thoughts, but it’s interesting the order it’s put in this 11th chapter. In Deuteronomy chapter 11, we sometimes view there’s a kid church and there’s adult church, and we say, we don’t do that. We are a conservative church of Christ.

We don’t have kid church. And yet, we have lessons that are just for the kids, and we act as if preaching about Noah would be weird somehow to the people that you know the story of Noah is really written to adults to read and comprehend the story. And then we have Bible classes that are aimed at ages, and is that a problem? No, of course not. We need these types of lessons reinforced. But in Deuteronomy chapter 11, God doesn’t just swing out and say, okay, parents, turn off the ears. I want the children to key in here. He’s talking about commitment to his will. And notice what comes out. Deuteronomy chapter 11 and verse 18 first. You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

God says, You, my people, need to care about me. And you need to bind these words in every part of your being. And then verse 19, you shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land. Lord swore to your fathers to give them as long as the heavens are above the earth. I am afraid that as we are fighting all the cultural battles, and we think about there’s all this weird stuff around sex and gender.

There’s all this these political arguments. We’re constantly just trying to win these battles with what’s right and wrong, instead of realizing what’s right is not only knowing right and knowing how to counter what’s wrong, but to live it. Living just to be a man is not what it means to serve God. Living and recognizing that you’re a female is probably the lowest possible level of faithfulness possible. And yet we’re battling with it because Satan’s crafty. But we need to show not only in a home, but as part of this congregation, to all of those little eyes and ears who are watching and listening, what it means to not just serve God, it’s to serve God with love because we want to, because God is good, because he deserves our submission.

Because when God asks for it, it belongs to him. Submission is to be cultivated, and yes, even appreciated. And in the home, this has to be taught first. I think it would be impossible to grow up with some sort of 60s and 70s, hippie rebellious parenting style, where all you did was rail against the man and have your child come up and think authority is good. Right? Don’t we see, like in past tense, we can see culturally the shifts? This is historically not debatable. Either your kid’s pendulum swing all the way to the other side, or the appreciation for authority has diminished further and further. It’s interesting, Plato actually has words from all those years ago when he lived, where he talks about, tell me if this sounds familiar, the younger generation just doesn’t respect the older generation like they used to.

They don’t open the door for them, they don’t stand up when they come into the restaurant, they don’t ask them for their advice, they don’t seek their counsel. I think he could have written that yesterday, don’t you? This isn’t something that belongs exclusively to a mom and dad. But if not there, where else would it really come in? Can’t we take God’s plan A and realize that God does have a plan? God does care that children obey their parents. He does care that they are to honor their father and mother. And the idea that you can honor God while hating your parents flies in the very will of God. Notice in Ephesians chapter 5, a passage that makes us all super uncomfortable. Ephesians chapter 5, beginning in verse 21.

Ephesians 5 and verse 21. Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, verse 22, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives to submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. He explains the mystery of Ephesians 5 isn’t about husband and wife. This is about how much Jesus loves his church. So much that he died for us. But we’re talking about in this cultural fault line on submission, and we we all balk at verse 22. How do we explain this? When verse 21 previously says very clearly, who are we to submit to? One another. I hate to burst your bubble, but if you’re anti-wives submitting to your husbands, that flies against God’s will as revealed in Ephesians 5. I hate to burst the other people’s bubble. If you don’t realize we submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, you’re violating God’s word in accordance with Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 21.

Maybe our message would be more credible to the world of what God wants in the home if we actually lived out all of his word instead of the points that get the most attention in the media. Maybe if as we’re studying in our Bible classes and in our homes and in the car rides, we spend less time letting Fox and CNN and MSNBC decide what matters and how we can view the news program through the Bible, determine it, and let the Bible speak first. And that means I not just care about other people, but I say my ego isn’t what matters. Your soul does.

Verse 21. For Jesus.

It’s a problem to model even obedience with grumbling. Imagine your father is one of the ones in the Israelite camp and pick a generation that did that, and you have too many, so I’m not even going to name one. And they’re grumbling again. Dad is grumbling because God saved us, but we’re about to die again. He saved us, but we’re hungry and thirsty and tired again. And God provides, and I think, yes, God provides, that’s good. But why did he have to wait so long? Yes, that’s good, but there was that 10 day stretch where I thought for sure we would die. It would have been better to be back in Egyptian bondage. If you’ve ever been around someone who complains through everything, do you like being around them?

Do you want to be imprinted on by them? Our kids don’t either. But they will be because they’re stuck. When you complain or when I complain, we can walk away from each other. But in the car, we’re stuck. In 1 John chapter 5, notice what Jesus says through his apostle John. 1 John chapter 5. Notice the words of our God through his beloved apostle. 1 John 5, beginning in verse 2. By this we know that we love the children of God when we love God and obey his commandments. For this is the love of God that we keep his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome. For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world, and this is the victory that has overcome the world, our faith.

Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus Christ is the Son of God? Now we read that and we go, okay, I understand that, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Jesus said in Luke 14, I gotta count the cost. Yes. Count the cost. So is John saying being a Christian is easy? Of course he’s not. But notice what he says in verse 13. This is really important. I want us all to see this. In the last lesson in a gospel meeting, we got a hammer, 1 John 5 13. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life. You know when it’s easier to obey God, when you know the hard part which is here and now is just for a passing moment.

When you embrace James chapter 4 that life is but a vapor, you realize the rich man building up the barns in Luke 12 was a fool. Because he was doing all of this work for this much gain. Even if he got his heart’s content in the perfect retirement, it was this much time compared to eternity. How do you live? Do you live and obey God and fear that he’s gonna smack you in the face the minute you disagree? Kids see that. Do I love God in a way that I just gotta keep his rule so well that I’m not sure if I was asked tonight, am I going to heaven? And I go, I just don’t know. I know Jesus died for the sinners, and I know that I have sinned and I’ve asked for forgiveness, but I’m just not sure.

Because that means I either question God or I’m making it about me, and both of those aren’t a good place to be. Especially when God says in verse 13, you may know that you have eternal life. When I know I have eternal life because I trust the God who promises, not only do I show more love, I am happy to serve God because I realize I’m getting the far better end of the deal in this covenant relationship. And so submission becomes a whole lot easier. Notice I didn’t say easy, I said easier. And it’s not just something to get by or to realize exists in the ether. It’s to be appreciated. How awesome is it that God has spoken to his people and lets us know who he is, what he wants, that we can please him.

3. My Family Isn’t Just for My Enjoyment

I think that’s amazing. I desperately wish for this moment, I know I’ll regret it in a year, that Benjamin could talk so I could just know what he wants. And the creator of the heavens and the earth has given us his will. And we can please him. I think that’s amazing. And the fact that he promises that we can be with him forever is even more so. I think Satan is doing good work against the family with a series of lies. One of them. This is the most interesting and powerful from a 21st century point of view to the theme of our meeting. That a family is for me and about loving who I want. Right now, we can take the obvious one. Everyone knows, we’ve already addressed this.

Marriage in God’s sight is between one man and one woman. And there’s a bunch of verses that explain who that should be, Matthew chapter 19 and Matthew chapter 5, just to begin. But as we consider our family, not only does it have to be according to God’s law, we have to realize that my marriage and my family isn’t just for my enjoyment. I hear this all the time. Well, we’re we’re blood, right? Or they’re blood. We got to know this. And someone goes to adopt and they say, I have a blood son and I have another. As if that makes some sort of distinction. We’re adopted into the body of Christ, and he’s not keeping score based on who would otherwise be a blood relative. Scoreboard says it’s zero, by the way.

We are adopted, or in Romans chapter 11 language, grafted in to the tree of life. As we consider that access that we’re given in Revelation 22, we say, everything I do, including my marriage, including my family, including my church family and closest friends, they’re not about my enjoyment. They’re about pleasing my God. And this matters because when I think the family’s for me, I’m thinking about how can I fill my time in a way that brings us closer and makes us think about good things instead of what can I do with my family to please God? There’s a difference.

It was a this big of a jar. And he goes to put in some big rocks, and he asked the class, How many big rocks can I put in? And they throw out the numbers. He gets one, two, he gets about four rocks in there, and he goes, Can I put any more rocks in this? And they said, No. And he said, Okay, is this full? And they said, Yes. And he said, not exactly. He took out a bag of sand and he poured the sand in until it was full. And he said, Is it full? And they said, Yes. And he goes, I can’t get anything else in there. And they said, No. And he said, interesting. He pulls out some water. And he pours in the water.

He finally closes it, that nothing else can get in there. And he asked the class, what’s the lesson? And they said, never think that your work is done. Never consider that there’s no more time. And he said, that is not the lesson. The lesson is put in the big rocks first. Or there won’t be space for anything else. Families, just like single people, whether you’re in a family or not, need to put God first. The big rocks aren’t just public worship. It’s caring about God’s people. It’s if I don’t know how to talk to people, learning to do that. If I am unkind, shaving off those edges. If I don’t know God’s word, learning it. If I have to have a tough conversation, having it. Prayer, singing, addressing one another in Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 19.

That’s not about the assembly. It includes the assembly, but it’s when Christians are together. Paul and Silas had a good time singing in prison in Acts chapter 16. And it made an influence. Put the big rocks in first. Family included is about God. I think one of the things that happens too is we start to think, if I’m not perfect, if I don’t parent right, or if my marriage isn’t right, or if I have a spouse who passes away and it’s terrible, and we we’ve been afflicted by that in our congregation in Alabama, I just, it’s done, right? Because I know what the stats are and I understand what the rates of failure are and how difficult it is to be faithful and to do to be successful in this life, and I just can’t make it.

And I gotta tell you, if you read 1 Kings 12, where we pick up with the story of Rehoboam and Jeroboam essentially in chapter 12, after Solomon’s folly in chapter 11, and go through the king’s accounts, there is a whole lot of bad kings, and somehow some of them have the greatest hearted kings. And those great at heart, those great-hearted kings, guess what they do? They have wicked sons. It’s not an exact science. It’s not about my perfection. It was about my perfection. Not only would I not have the forgiveness of my sins, none of us would be here. Because my parents weren’t perfect, your parents weren’t perfect, and I won’t be and am not either. But that doesn’t mean to give up. But what Satan wants to do is to make me focus on the first part.

You’re going to mess it up. You have messed it up. It’s too late. There’s not time. There’s no more time when God comes again. In 2 Peter chapter 3, we learn, God will come when? When all he is appointed to repentance have come. That might be me, that might be you, that might be my son, that might be your daughter. Does this mean don’t try, don’t instill God’s word? Of course not. But if you want to look at what can happen, look at Acts chapter 22. Look at an incredibly well-trained religious young man. Acts chapter 22, this was a man from a good family with a great training, and look at what he did with his religious upbringing. Acts chapter 22 and verse 3. And I am a Jew, born in Tarsus in Cilicia, but brought up in this city, educated at the feet of Gamaliel according to the strict manner of the law of our fathers, being zealous for God as of all of you are this day.

I persecuted this way to the death, binding and delivering to prison both men and women, as the high priest and the whole council of elders can bear being witness. From them I received letters to the brothers, and I journeyed toward Damascus to take those also who were there and bring them in bonds to Jerusalem to be punished. Do you know who this is? Paul, the apostle of Christ. How is he trained in verse 3? The feet of Gamaliel, to the strict manner of the law, zealous for God. And what did that result in, verse 4? For a while, the behavior, the training earned. He persecuted Christians because he was trained to do that. But did that mean he couldn’t find his own way when presented with Jesus?

When Jesus spoke to him, he answered.

4. The Home Exists for Success in This Life

That’s his promise. You ask, speak, and knock. He will answer. You will be found. He will open the door to you. Parenting, like my soul is not about my perfection. Another law is that the home exists primarily to train for and reinforce success in this life. Now I don’t think anyone is courageous enough to say this. And if you are, I relish this one. Normally I don’t love having like heated conversations in the church building, but if you think the family exists for academic success or to raise your kid to be an Olympian, let’s have that conversation. I feel pretty good about the ground here. And I think all of us know that. No one would take that challenge. One, because everyone wants to go home at 8:30.

But two, because we know that’s true. But my question isn’t, do we acknowledge it as true? My question is if I looked at my planner and looked at how I spent the last seven days, what are the big rocks according to my calendar? Is it Bible study? Is it Bible conversations that happen nonstop? We may not time them, but do I feel comfortable? That we’ve talked about God’s word, that we’ve been around God’s people, that we love hearing from our Lord. Or is it I gotta make sure I get to the game? I gotta make sure I get to the practice, I gotta get to the performance. I gotta watch that debate that I know I shouldn’t because of the Sunday sermon. I gotta know what’s gonna happen.

And I think Satan’s been really good at this because he took something that’s almost true and made it feel like it’s the most important thing. Because it is true. That it is critical that in the home children are taught how to survive, live, exist, to be a normal person. And by the way, training people to be a normal person based on when you meet people in the public is a very difficult thing, apparently. But that doesn’t mean it’s the number one thing. Whether you call it the sand or the water and the jar, the big rocks are faithfulness. The big rocks are God. Look in 1 John chapter 2. I think this is interesting. We know 1 John 2 and verse 16 very well. 1 John 2 and verse 16, all that is in the world, the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life is not from the Father, but it’s from the world.

But I want you to notice the verse before and after it, verse 15 first. Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. Listen, I love everyone here, and I love people, and I love a lot about the fact that it doesn’t ice up your pipes here in Florida as opposed to Alabama. But there’s one thing I really love about Florida, and it is Disney cruises. I’m just gonna be honest. I miss it. And y’all are really nice, but the port being 45 minutes away is nicer. I love it. It’s fun, it’s relaxing, it’s enjoyable. You fill in the blank. I’m not saying that I love it in a way that violates verse 15, but it might it be possible that I could reach a point where my hobbies, my recreation, my vacations become something I look forward to so much that I wouldn’t want Jesus to come again until I’ve experienced it.

And if that’s the case, doesn’t that suggest that maybe I am in love with the world? And verse 15 would be problematic for me that if anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him because verse 17. The world is passing away along with its desires. But whoever does the will of God abides forever. The home doesn’t exist to make everyone academic successes, to train the next Olympian, or to even teach people to be normal in society. And I am not courageous enough. As courageous as I am to talk about politics, I’m not going to talk about schooling in public versus homeschool. But I will tell you one thing I hear about homeschooling a lot is that it makes the kids weird.

And I just want to say this no matter how you feel about it, if my child is weird and in heaven, that’s a win. And if my child is normal in heaven, that’s a win. I don’t care how he gets there, I want him to get to heaven. And if we’re using things that aren’t about heaven as an argument that might keep someone out of it, I’d be very cautious about that. I have no opinion on it. Benjamin’s not in school. I’m not even going to think about making that decision for years. So you don’t got me if you think you know my position on it. I’m just saying when we start thinking about all these temporal things instead of the faithful that will last forever, it shows you how Satan’s crept into our thinking, doesn’t it?

5. The Church Should Provide All My Family’s Spiritual Needs

Think one final lie. The church can and should provide all of my family’s spiritual needs. Because I’m doing a good job because I take my kids to church and they go to Bible classes. And like here, they have great Bible classes. They have great Bible class teachers who work really hard to prep them. They have good material, they have good workbooks, they have good people teaching them. They’re around strong Christians. They realize that it’s not just about Sunday and Wednesday. There’s good people here. And I even I put them at their feet. And I come to the gospel meetings. But this local church in Kaaba Heights and Birmingham, Alabama, there is not a single local church in the history of the world that exists to provide a family spiritual needs.

God gave the vehicle for that, and it’s the family. And so we need to not pick churches the way we pick a grocery store on whatever appeals to us the best. Or whoever has the least annoying amount of people in it. We pick based on what brings me closest to God. In 1 John chapter 4, we are called to test the spirits. And he doesn’t say, pick the church that does it right. It says, Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God. For many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God, that every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God.

This is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you heard was coming and is now in the world already. He doesn’t say, make sure South Bumbi is lined up, testing the spirits. He says, You do it. You evaluate the spirits, which means I need to know God, I need to know his word, and I need to be testing it. That’s for all of us. I think this is interesting. Look at Matthew chapter 23 as Jesus addresses the teachers of the day. In Matthew chapter 23, he certainly has no love loss for the scribes and Pharisees. And he says of them in verse 3 interestingly, do and observe what they tell you. Isn’t that fascinating? His number one enemies, these false teachers, these people who deny him. He says, listen to what they say.

Verse 3, but don’t do the works they do, for they preach, but do not practice. So it’s interesting, first of all, a source can be hypocritical and wrong sometimes, but when they are right, they are right because God said, not because the source is pure. Our society needs to learn that lesson. Someone can be wrong about one thing and right about another. And it’s not because they’re good or they’re smart, it’s because God’s word is always good. And God’s word is always right, no matter what building that came from. Now, the church can and should provide all of your family’s needs is something Satan wants us to convince because again, it’s kind of true. A church should do and teach the right things. We shouldn’t put up with a congregation that doesn’t teach the right things.

That’s not the lesson. In fact, Jesus continues to just go in on them. In verse 15, woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, for you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves. One of the things that happens is when we rely on the church to do the teaching, we’re surprised when, first of all, we don’t have enough teaching, and secondly, the teaching we do have has the same problems that the church has. It’s almost like God didn’t expect the church to teach kids in the first place, because otherwise we all think the same, and all these verses about how to handle people who disagree with me make no sense at all.

Isn’t that kind of weird? I find it strange that when we go and pick a congregation, we make sure we don’t disagree with anything, and the New Testament spends about a third of its pages talking about how to disagree on some things. And the answer is not always go to the nearest church that’s nearby. But what’s crept in? The idea that the church has to be right in everything because they’re teaching me. They’re teaching my children. As if it’s up to them and not to me. I think we can help families today in all sorts of formats, whether it is someone who doesn’t have a dad in the picture, doesn’t have a mom in the picture, has neither of them is being raised by grandparents, or maybe it’s someone who came to us at 18 on their own with no parents, don’t need any parents.

6. In the Trenches, Seek Help; Reach Out First

If you are in the trenches, seek help from all levels. What I mean by all levels is there are different levels. There are new parents, there are parents kind of in the thick of it. I call that around the teenage years. That seems like it’s its own thing. Then there are those who have been there and done that, and they have the scars to prove it. There are people at all levels who can help you. And if you are going through it, if you are Kashka and I right now, the first thing we need to do is first of all say, I don’t have the answers. But secondly, someone here does, and I want you to help me. And that might mean being super uncomfortable because I don’t like asking for help.

I don’t care about asking for directions. I don’t like being lost. But I do like to not bother people. I do like to have someone come up to me and say, I’d like to help you. But that’s not how life always works. But this congregation is so interesting and awesome that if there’s people from so many different backgrounds with so many different experiences, I guarantee you, somebody has been down at least a very similar path to the one you’re on right now. And if they’re not making it super easy for you to find them, you find them yourself. If you’re in the trenches, seek help. What does it say about me if I have no one I go to for advice? Either I think I have all the answers, or I’m incredibly lazy, and neither of those please our Savior.

And so if you’re going through this, please seek help. There are so many people here in this room tonight at all different stages. And by the way, isn’t that awesome? There are so many people in different stages. I’m so thankful that everyone’s here. I want to echo what Ken said earlier. It is amazing and an awesome blessing to be with God’s people who take time out. Yes, even approaching 8 30 at night in the middle of the week after a very long day to worship God. I love you and I’m thankful for you. You’ve encouraged me, if nothing else. But if you’re going through this, seek help. Secondly, if you’ve been there and done that, please feel free to and need you need to reach out first.

Look at this in Titus chapter 2. We spend a whole lot of time, rightly, focusing on how we can be like the New Testament church, but we don’t really cover this, these kind of informal things a lot. Look at Titus chapter 2. We’re very good at what worship should be like and what the leadership setup should be like, as we should. And in Titus chapter 2, though, here’s another pretty direct command. And it really makes a lot of sense to what we need. And my question’s gonna be where are we doing this? And it’s not the church should do it, it’s the people involved should be doing it. And you’ll notice the distinction when we read. Titus 2 and verse 1. But as for you, Titus, teach what accords with sound doctrine.

Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith and love and instead fastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderous or slave to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Now I will add, whether you like it or not, there are two categories of each gender. There are older and younger, and I am not foolish enough to tell you which one you’re in. But you have to pick one of them, and if you don’t want to pick, then you’re in both, and good.

You have responsibilities on both sides. I like your choice. All groups, older men, younger men, older women, younger women, are called to be self-controlled. That’s one thing that pops out of Titus 2. But God says his plan for us, and one of the plans for the family specifically, is that for older women to train younger women in verse 4 to love their husbands and children. And so my question is, and I I don’t know what the answer is, you might have a million programs, you might have none. You might do this every day of your life, you might have never even thought about it. Is how are you fulfilling that? If you’re on either end of that spectrum, the older women or the younger women, how are you doing it?

And if your thought is, I’ve never been given that opportunity. Our church is failing me, I want to go back a slide, but I’m not gonna do it for the sake of time. The church does not exist to fulfill all your spiritual needs. But God’s people are here to help you. And maybe they’re letting you down, reach out somewhere else, ask for help. But please, if you’re one of the older women or the older men and you realize that that’s you, at least in part, if not whole, be looking. And no, that doesn’t mean be looking and say, hey, I’ve noticed you’re struggling. You look pretty rough. What can I do for you? Shockingly, that’s not very helpful way to start a conversation. It’s like in 1 Samuel chapter 8, when they approach Samuel and said, Behold, you are old.

That was not a very beneficial way to tell him we didn’t want you anymore. But please, this congregation and the congregation at home and everywhere should be full of people racing across the room to ask for help and to offer it. And notice by the way, Titus 2 in verse 3 does not say older women help when younger women take it well, ask for it, or think you’re great. It just says do it. Now, do you want to be part of a New Testament church or not? If we do, New Testament churches, according to Titus and the Holy Spirit’s commandments in chapter 2, are that we help each other in gender and age classifications, whether we’re comfortable with that or not. If you’ve been there and done that, please reach out and be willing to go first.

Set and reinforce not only memory verses and doctrinal stances, this is in Bible classes, this is in private conversations, but we need to be modeling and setting specific spiritual goals. I don’t know when it happened, but I do know there were a lot of wonderful teachers when I was here growing up. And one of the things that they did that I’ve not heard as many places, and I ask almost everywhere I go, is the teachers would say, What do you want to be when you grow up? And we’d all give the great answers: the astronaut, right? The lawyer. We’d want to be the doctor, want to be the athlete, right? All of us are great athletes, you can tell, right? And then the teacher would guilt us all rightly and say, interesting.

None of you boys said, I want to be an elder. Bummer, missed that one about four times in a row, four years in a row. But the teachers continued to ask us, and they put in our mind that this is what a Christian should want, not for power or control. First Peter chapter 5 says, Elders are not to lord their authority over the sheep. But when you read in 1 Timothy chapter 3 and verse 1 and 2, some people make it a qualification. I’m not going to quibble over that. But the point is someone should desire to the office of overseer, bishop, elder, presbyter. And not only should we want that, when you read the traits, that’s what being a Christian is. There is really nothing about being an elder other than being able to teach that every single human being who loves Christ shouldn’t aspire to.

And again, if you’re a woman, obviously you should not be the husband of one wife. You know that, and you know what I mean. In Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4, fathers are not to provoke their children to wrath. That should not just be an idea. We should say, what does that mean? Well, on the opposite of that is to encourage and to build them up with love. And one of the reasons we don’t do that is we look at 1 John chapter 1, verses 5 through 10, and there’s these two pathways. There’s those who disobey and they’re in darkness, and there’s those who are in light, and we say we want to be in the light. And 1 John 1, verses 8 and 10 talks about sin.

We gotta sin, and then we have to admit it. Verse 9, if we confess our sins, he’s faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we deny that sin, we make him a liar. And we kind of live in this way that it’s hard to have specific goals because I’m so worried about failing because I’m driving home and I’m racing to get home to watch that thing that’s catching up all my time. It’s my big rock, and I say a bad word, and that puts me on the dark path, and now I can’t help other people. That’s not what 1 John 1 5 through 10 is teaching at all. 1 John 1 5 through 10 teaches that we are people and that it’s amazing that God has a plan for people’s failures.

But the plan is the difference between those on the dark and the light path is those who have fallen, who are on the light path, get up. They repent, they get better, they don’t wallow, they don’t double down, they don’t say it doesn’t matter, I’m lost. They say it doesn’t matter, I don’t love God anymore. They change, they confess, and God is faithful and just. That’s who he’s faithful and just to. But maybe we don’t get there because we are so torn away by the idea that we’re constantly one sin away from being lost, that we don’t set actual goals of how to grow farther away from the line we’re afraid of in the first place. Set goals to grow, to know scripture, to cut out bad habits, to be more kind, to encourage more families, to teach more Bible classes, to study with someone on a Tuesday when there’s not a gospel meeting.

Conclusion

Set specific goals. Some final thoughts and lessons, yours. In reality, we all need to resist the cultural drift. By number one, we’ve got to fill our minds with God’s perfect word. We’ve talked about this. You know, in Matthew chapter 4, when Jesus is tempted by the devil, every single time, how did Jesus start his response? Not only did he not sin, he says, it is written. In Psalm 19, we learned that the law of the Lord is perfect, enduring forever. In 1 Peter chapter 5 and verse 7, when we have anxieties, God even has a plan for it. Jesus says, don’t do it. Peter says, cast all your anxieties on him because God cares for you. Isn’t that awesome? That when I struggle with anxiety and I will, God cares for me.

And the answer isn’t, well, tough, it’s on you. Should have been better. It’s God says, I want to help you with that. I am here to lighten your load. Isn’t that amazing that God views us that way and he makes his will known to us for it? In Ephesians chapter 4, he has given us apostles and evangelists and shepherds and teachers for the purpose of that we will be grounded in the word, that we will be able to grow the body, and that when the storms of life come in, we will stand firm because we have root. And that root can only come not from men, not from good teaching, and not from flashy substance, but from God’s everlasting word. That is the substance that will last.

That is the foundation that when the storms of life come in Matthew 7 and verse 24, the winds and the rain will come and beat on that house and it will stand. It stands for those who hear the word of God and do the word of God. It’s one thing to know God said it. But in Matthew 7, 24 through 27, it’s those who hear and do have the foundation that will stand. Secondly, spend more time modeling and being thankful for positive examples of kindness, the service towards others, this thinking of others proactively, selflessly, and maturing. Hebrews chapter 5, the Hebrew writer takes the task of them. He said, You should have matured past this. You’re stuck on the milk and you should have grown. You should have had your powers of discernment trained to distinguish between good and evil in verse 14.

And oftentimes we don’t get there and then we’re confused. We’re like, how do we not get there? And you say, Well, what did you try to do to get better? And he said, I thought about it. I feel guilty about it on Sundays and Wednesdays. That’s not a plan. Well, it is a plan. It’s a bad plan. It’s a plan to fail. What is your plan to grow? One of them is find people who are living out what you want to be and the faith you want to have. Another thing is when you see someone who is doing the right thing quietly or loudly, up front or at the very back of the line, go to them and tell them, thank you, I see you. Encourage them to keep on keeping on.

And then ask them for what’s their secret. Because I gotta tell you, as a young parent who cannot get parenting advice, I can watch you and I am. And I’ve seen a lot of really good things, and that’s awesome. I’ve seen them here, I’ve seen them at home. It’s a blessing to see God’s people who are doing it well and make Kashka and I feel bad about ourselves because we don’t feel like we can be that good. But if you spend more time doing the right thing because it’s the right thing and because you love God, it’s gonna help me when I’m struggling and when I’m behind you. Isn’t that awesome that God’s plan has thought through all of these kinks in the plan? To conclude, remember that God is more patient, merciful, and loving than whoever the best parent you’ve ever heard of is, or the worst parents you’ve ever seen.

God is bigger, God is better, he is more loving than whatever parents that you are picturing. Whether you love your parents dearly or you feared them with everything that you have, we know from Paul in Ephesians 3, God is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think. And I’ve never met a human being that can have that said about. Isn’t that awesome? He can do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think. And if you’ve taught me in a Bible class, you know I can ask a lot. God loves you. Please don’t let your view of God be warped by someone’s faults. It might be someone who’s being mean to you on purpose, it might be someone who’s being mean to you with kindness in their heart.

It might be someone who’s being mean to you because they had a bad day. They might be someone who’s mean to you because you were stuck in a house and it made you feel bad, and I wish you hadn’t have been there. But God sees you, He loves you, and He cares for you. And whether I and all of God’s people let you down or we help you up, there’s always a reason to rejoice, as Paul would say in Philippians 4 and verse 4. To rejoice always. Again I say, rejoice, because God is good. Because God’s word is everlasting, and he will see you through. Paul would say in Philippians 4, verses 10 through 13, he has learned the secret of being content. Whether he was abounding or brought low, he was content because he can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

And boy, do I wish that meant I could just ignore traffic and fly home. I wish I could just get over, you forget I4, the turnpike, and I could just fly over that and say, Thank you, Lord, I can do all things through you. But one of the ways Paul received help that he’s thankful for while in prison, writing the letter to the Philippians is in verse 14. The help that the church members were giving him. God’s plan is bigger than just one person and one God. It’s that we help each other please our Maker. He gave us each other for a reason and on purpose. And one of the things he did is to help us encourage one another. And I hope if you’re here, you are encouraged to love God the way he loves you, at least a fraction of it.

Believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God. Confess Him as Lord, repent of your sins and be baptized. Stop being away from Him. Run to Him, be adopted into His family, the best family that has ever been, and the only one that will last. Or maybe if you’re a Christian, recognize, like in 1 John 1, 8 and 10, we all stumble. We all suffer. And maybe you’ve had bad parents, maybe you’ve had bad experiences. I let you down, people let you down, and I’m sorry. But God doesn’t. And you don’t let him down because you’re not holding him up. He’s holding you up. And there is a fix. If you’re in the mess. Repent of it. Confess it, and trust that faithful and just God to forgive you.

If we can help you in any way, know where you stand for eternity. Come, as we stand and sing our invitation song.