Rightly Dealing with Wrongs

Introduction

Okay, it’s get to know one another time. By a show of hands, how many of you grew up with siblings, with brothers and sisters in your household? Otherwise, you’re an only child. All right, okay. I’m participating with you, by the way. How many of you, by a show of hands, had, I’ll use a mild word, conflicts with your siblings. Scraps, fights, whatever you might do. Okay, all right. Last question. How many of you, like myself, was the good child. Most of those conflicts, fights and scraps, you’re confident with the responsibility of your brothers. Gary and Ricky, I’ll name them by name. That’s life, isn’t it? You’re going to be put in a close proximity with people. There’s going to be inevitably conflict. You match the proximity with the inherent immaturity of children growing up, and you’ve got the recipe for a fight, don’t you?

But I venture to say that no matter what your upbringing was like, no matter how bad your siblings were, I venture to guess that your situation was probably slightly better than that of Joseph and his brothers. Could be a case study, couldn’t it, in the Old Testament, of interfamily conflict? You might turn over to Genesis chapter 50. We’ll be looking at that just a little bit. But let’s give just a little background, unless you’re unfamiliar with the story of Joseph and his siblings. Again, it’s a story of conflict. And it is both a positive and a negative story because we have in it an example of how not to deal with conflict and an example of how to deal with conflict. Because at both times, Joseph and his brother was at odds with his brothers, and at different times they both felt wronged in that relationship, didn’t they?

It started with his siblings feeling wronged by Joseph. Two things aided in that conflict. Number one is, and this is always a great parenting tip for you, Father had a favorite. And he made that abundantly clear who was his favorite. And he showered that favoritism upon Joseph in a very demonstrable way. Add to that, Joseph had those dreams, didn’t he? And dreams that he may be a little too willingly, we don’t know, but shared with his brothers that he had a dream, and he says, in that dream, I see all of y’all bowing down to me. Another recipe for conflict in a sibling relationship. And here’s where it probably gets better than your family. Their solution was let’s kill him.

If not for the wisdom and the maturity of Reuben, that probably would have been the end of Joseph’s story. Reuben intercedes, and then Judah, that’s two of his brothers intercede and said, Well, let’s not kill him. Let’s sell him as a slave. That’s only slightly better, isn’t it? And we’ll tell Father that he’s been killed. So we have the brothers feeling wronged by someone, and we see their reaction to that. And then in Genesis chapter 50, the tables are turned, and Joseph has not just imagined that he has been wronged, he has legitimately been wronged by his brothers. And we see how he chooses to deal with that situation. In Genesis chapter 50, and in verse 15, we began this reading. When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, Perhaps Joseph will hate us and may actually repay us all for the evil we did to him.

So they sent messengers to Joseph saying, Before your father died, he commanded, saying, Thus you shall say to Joseph, I beg you, please forgive the trespass of your brothers and their sin, for they did evil to you. Now please forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of your father. And Joseph wept when they spoke to him. Then his brothers also wept and fell down before his face, and they said, Behold, we are your servants. Joseph said to them, Do not be afraid, for I am in the place of God. For am I in the place of God. But as for you, you meant it for evil against me, but God meant it for good, in order to bring about as it is this day, to save many people alive.

Now, therefore, do not be afraid. So we have the dynamic, don’t we? That’s common in so many families of conflict. We have a wrong way of handling when you feel like you’ve been wronged. Let’s kill him or sell him as a slave. And then we have the proper way of reacting when we’ve been wrong. And that is forgiveness. This morning, let’s talk about being wrong and being wronged. Doesn’t just happen in our families. It’s going to happen in every human relationship. And like our siblings, that potential for wronging someone, and our being wronged by someone is going to be heightened with proximity. The more you see someone, the more often you see someone, the closer you are to someone, you have increased, sometimes exponentially increased, the opportunity to wrong and or be wronged.

1. When I Have Wronged Someone: Be Humble

And so let’s begin, maybe not from a pessimistic standpoint, but from a realistic standpoint. Let’s just begin with the assumption that just like with your siblings, it’s going to happen. Someone is going to feel wronged by you, and you’re going to feel wronged by someone. Whether that is true or just perceived, it’s going to happen. Let’s just begin with that realistic assumption and then move on to what do we do about it. What do I do when I have wronged you? And what do I do when I have been wronged by you? Let’s, as always should be the case, let’s let the scriptures answer that question. So, what do I do when I have wronged someone else? When I’m the guilty party. Three principles. First of all, I need to be humble.

Need to be humble and recognize that it is possible for me to do wrong. It’s even possible in some scenarios for me to do right, but to do it in a wrong way. And to offend and to upset and to wrong someone else. Be humble about that. Turn with me, if you will, in the New Testament, the book of 1 Corinthians, chapter 13. We could spend our whole time in that section of Scripture, couldn’t we? On both sides of this equation. As you’re turning to 1 Corinthians chapter 13, those first few verses, we’re going to look at verses 4 through 7 that deal obviously with the subject of love. And not just with love as a theory, as an emotion, but love as a practical reality.

What will love really look like? As we turn over there and contemplate love in this equation of wronging and being wronged, let me ask you this question. Do you remember the story that Paul tells in the book of Galatians where Peter had to be confronted by Paul? Peter was so wrong that Paul had to withstand him to his face and say, Peter, you are wrong.

What we don’t know, what we’re not told is how did Peter react.

If Peter was a good Christian man in that circumstance, if he was godly and Christ-like, when Paul confronted him and said, Peter, you were eating with the Gentiles. But when the Jews showed up, you played the hypocrite. And you refused, and you’ve let other people, even Barnabas, astray. Peter, that’s not right. How should Peter have reacted? Should have been humble. And recognize that though he was Peter, he was still wrong. He should have reacted in love. 1 Corinthians 13, look at verse 4 through 7, where it says, 1 Corinthians chapter 13, the subject of love, and again, we can make an application to both sides of this equation. Love suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up.

2. Be Contrite

Hold your thoughts there, we’re coming back to that. Verse 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. We said we were coming back to those principles that it says it does not parade itself and it is not puffed up. Love, the essential quality of the child of God, demands that I be humble enough to be corrected. And so if I’ve wronged someone, that’s where I must begin. By being humble and willing to listen. Secondly, humility requires and demands that I be contrite. Being contrite just simply means that if I’ve wronged someone, I need to own up to it.

I need to admit that. Passage after passage speaks of the idea of humility and contrition and admitting our faults with one another. And be genuine in your contriteness. And I believe contriteness and an apology demands that we be careful with our language. None of this, well, I’m sorry you took it that way. Or if I wronged you, then I’m many times, and this is just my advice, but many times the fewer words the better.

3. Be Proactive

Leaves me no wiggle room or no out for when I have wronged you. And then I have this responsibility placed upon me by my Lord Himself, is that when I am the offending party, when I have wronged someone, I need to be proactive. Turn over to Matthew chapter 5. These relationships that we have, particularly the relationships we have in this family, are so important, that Jesus would have us to know that they are so important that they not only affect this relationship and the harmony in this relationship, but they affect that relationship. My relationship with God Himself and the harmony that exists there. And so I must do whatever I can in my humility and in my contrition to make it right, so that I can be right with God.

Look at Jesus’ command here. Really premised upon the idea of saying that murder is not the only way in which you can harm someone. Murder is not the only way that you can violate the law of God. That’s how he began by saying, some have said, as long as you don’t murder anybody, I’m paraphrasing, as long as you don’t murder somebody, you can kind of do whatever you want. Jesus says, absolutely not. And in that premise, he says this, Matthew chapter 5, beginning in verse 23, he says, therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Jesus is not saying that our interpersonal relationships are more important than worship, but what he is saying is that our worship will be affected, nay, hindered by improper relationships. It’s the same principle taught to husbands. Peter says that your prayers will be hindered, husbands, if you’re not living appropriately with your wives. And so he says it’s so important that before you even come worship me, you go and you make it right. You have somebody that you have wronged, you go and make it right. So be humble, be contrite, and be proactive. Now, what do I do if the shoe’s on the underfoot? What do I do if I’m been wronged by someone else? We could think negatively and positively, couldn’t we? The negative would be Joseph’s brothers.

4. When I Have Been Wronged: Be Gentle

What did they do when they felt wronged by Joseph? That favorite child who thinks that we’re going to bow down to him. And we can think positively. How did Joseph react when he was wronged by his brothers? And might we add, agregiously wronged by his brothers. Again, three principles. Be gentle. That might not be our first inclination when we’ve been wrong. But for the child of God, it should be, it better be. Gentleness is one of those fruits of the Spirit, is it not? Gentle. Look with me, if you will, in the book of 2 Timothy, Paul’s advice or command to Timothy of how he was to confront those who were in the wrong. Look over in 2 Timothy chapter 2. Paul knew that just like himself in the preaching of the gospel, that Timothy was going to interact with some people who were wrong and needed to be corrected in that wrongness.

And so Paul says, Timothy, you’ve got to do this, but here’s how you do it. 2 Timothy chapter 2, look with me in verse 24. And a servant of the Lord, that’s you, Timothy, he’s saying, a servant of the Lord must not quarrel, but be gentle with all. Able to teach, patient, in humility, correcting those who are in opposition. If God perhaps will grant them repentance so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snares of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will. Notice those words. Gentle, patient, in humility. Now you may say, now wait a minute. That’s talking about somebody who has wronged the gospel, not wronged me personally. And you’d be right.

But let me ask you this question: which is worse? Someone who has wronged me? Or someone who has wronged the gospel, the word of God, which is God Himself. And so if I am to correct someone who has wronged God in patience and humility and gentleness, then how am I to correct someone who’s wronged just me? And not God. Well, we don’t have to wonder. Look with me in the book of Colossians, chapter 3. There we’re given the principle. In Colossians chapter 3. And again, context matters, I think, just as we saw that Jesus said you go to one that was in the context of murder is not the only way in which someone can be wronged. The context here in Colossians 3, we’re going to look beginning in verse 12.

The context here begins in verse 11 when he speaks of the body of Christ and the differences that exist in that body that could be right for conflict. Jew and Greek, circumcision or uncircumcision, barbarian, Scythian, free or slave. In that body, I think Paul says conflicts are inevitable. So how do we deal with those conflicts? Colossians 3, verse 12 begins this way. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long suffering, bearing with one another, and forgiving one another. Anyone has a complaint against one another, even as Christ forgave you, so you must also do. Two words or two concepts I want to highlight in that section of saying here’s how we deal with people with whom we’re going to inevitably have some degree of conflict.

Those words are first meekness. Meekness is one of those words that’s kind of difficult to define. The best way I know to not maybe define meekness, but to explain meekness. Meekness is best understood by this. I could haul off and hit you, but I won’t. Not because you’re bigger than me and you could hit me back, but just because I have the qualities and the attributes to be able to restrain. Meekness. Sometimes translated gentleness. The other concept is bearing with one another. It’s a common phrase, a common concept in the New Testament when talking about our interpersonal relationships. Bearing with one another, our forbearance sometimes is translated. That literally just means putting up with one another. And I’m going to tell you this is a mutual aid society.

5. Be Honest

We should have an unspoken, maybe even a spoken agreement. I’ll put up with you if you’ll put up with me. And that doesn’t mean we tolerate sin. We talked about how that’s to be addressed. But we’re bearing with one another, forgiving one another in a spirit of gentleness. Secondly, if I’ve been wronged, I will be gentle in my approach. But secondly, and here’s where I’ve got to be careful, I need to be honest. If I have to be humble if I am the offending party, then I must be honest if I’m the offended party. Be honest. Honesty when offended and when wrong will prevent a couple things. You know, when we feel like we’ve been wronged, we have the tendency to exaggerate our hurt. And to exaggerate the situation in our hurt.

And in that exaggeration, that might lend me to the tendency to spread that hurt so that I’m not only wronged by that one person, by everybody who’s in that party. That happens in the church, does it? One person says something to me, does something to me, and so I say, all of those Christians are hateful hypocrites. And I’m gonna have nothing to do, and I’ve just lumped everybody together. Was that an honest approach to that situation? In 2 Corinthians chapter 7. The church at Corinth, not all of them, but it’s apparent that some, at least, in the church at Corinth had felt wronged by the Apostle Paul. That first letter he wrote was a stinging rebuke. Some of them, thankfully, I think we understand the majority of people recognized and were humble and contrite to our last slide.

But some of them, probably a minority of them, said, Paul is wrong. He has wronged us here. How dare he get on to us and tell us where we’re wrong and where we need to correct things. But Paul calls on them to be honest. And so he just says in 2 Corinthians 7 and verse 2, open your hearts to us. We’ve wronged no one. We’ve corrupted no one. And we’ve defrauded no one. And then he’ll go out to say, here’s what I did. Was I stern? Yes. But here’s why. But he ends that by saying, open your heart. I think that’s both an expression of love that he’s asking to reciprocate the love that I have had for you. But I think it’s also an answer and an appeal to honesty.

Open your hearts.

6. Be Proactive: First, Go to Him

And be honest in this situation, and you’ll come to this same conclusion, Paul says, we’ve wronged no one. And so it demands honesty. And then this also demands that we be proactive. We said that if you’ve wronged someone, Jesus said, live your gift at the altar, go make things right. But now what does Jesus say if I’m the one that’s been wrong? Look in Matthew, but this time in chapter 18. Here is the formula. Here’s what I do. Matthew 18, verse 15. Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault. Between you and him alone. If he hears you, you’ve gained your brother. And now he deals with two ever increasing scenarios where that’s not the case of what we do. But he says, first, go to him.

See the wisdom in Jesus’ commands here. The one who has done the wrong has left his gift at the altar, and he’s on his way to make things right. And the one who has been wrong is now going to him to try to make things right. Now talk about being honest. If we’re honest, if those two approaches were taken every time there’s a conflict, a wonderful existence we would have. And let’s be further honest. If just one of those would be practiced. And by the way, I don’t read anywhere in here that Jesus says, look out your window, and if you see him coming, then hurry up and meet him halfway. Jesus just says, go.

Conclusion

Somebody did you wrong, go to him and try to make it right. Be proactive. And most of the time, among godly people, that would resolve the issue. But if it doesn’t, Jesus says, here’s step number two. If that doesn’t work, here’s step number three. But first, go to them. Try to make it right. In a spirit of humility and contrition, and a spirit of gentleness and honesty. Don’t be like Joseph’s brothers. Be a Joseph. Well, there’s another scenario, another relationship that we need to speak of before we leave this morning. And that is, what do I do when I’ve wronged God? You know, we could do a whole lesson from God’s side of this, couldn’t we? What has, what is God doing when he was wronged.

And by the way, that would tell me what I need to do when I am wronged. But what must I do when I have wronged God? And we all have. The scripture tells us that I go to him. He’s come to me. He sent his only begotten son. He has come to me to make things right. And then he asks that I come to him. That’s what faith is. I repent of my sin so that I can turn and go to him. I confess his name. And I am baptized for the remission of my sins. That Peter says is an appeal of a good conscience toward God. That’s really what baptism is. That’s me going to God. And saying, God, I have wronged you. Forgive me of my sin.

Maybe you’ve done that, but you’ve wandered away and a conflict has arisen again. And there’s something standing between you and God this morning. Why not make that right? Make things right with one another and make things right with God this very day. If we can help you in that, if you answer the spiritual call, if you answer the gospel, if we can help you in any way, let it be known right now as together we stand and as we sing.