Showing the Real Me- Owning the Mess

Introduction

Good morning. Feel opening your Bibles to James chapter 5. James chapter 5. And to all to those whom it applies, happy Father’s Day. Can’t have Father’s Day without a Father’s Day joke. And of course, someone once asked, how do you know when you have heard a Father’s Day joke? And they said, Don’t worry, it becomes apparent. I thought a Father’s Day joke, not a Mother’s Day joke. One of the interesting things about a church family is that we all have such different backgrounds. You might have been someone who grew up knowing everything there is to know about the Old Testament. You might know everything about the New Testament. You might not even know there was something called the Old and New Testament. You may have become a Christian much, much later in life.

You may have never become a Christian. You might be here this morning and not even know who or what Jesus is about. And the truth of the matter is, part of God’s greatest blessing is that we can all, in accepting God by faith and accepting his plan, become brothers and sisters in family. And when you think about what that means, it means that we come from different backgrounds and we bring different strengths and different weaknesses into the church. Ken preached an excellent lesson last Sunday morning on the idea of a messy church. And the focus is to realize that as a Christian here, as someone part of the work here at this church at South Duncan, we have to be aware that if we are going to grow, that means more people are going to be here.

And if those people who come here are anything like me, that means they’re going to bring what along with them? Their own strengths, yes, but also some of their weaknesses. We’re going to have a messy church. But one of the problems is over time we’ve gotten to where we think not only of the church as some sort of sterile environment, kind of like a hospital, where we expect everything to be clean and sanitized and to see no problems unless you want to see them. The truth is sometimes we make it seem as if when we come here we don’t have a mess. In fact, it’s almost kind of like when you’re dating. When you’re dating, did you go up on your first date and tell someone, all right?

I want to be honest with you. Here are all my flaws. And 20 minutes later say, that was point one. No, you didn’t. Because what do we want to do? When you’re on a date, you want to show your best self, your best side. Of course, anyone who’s married would understand the advice of the preacher. A young man came up to him very nervous about becoming married. He had just gotten engaged, and he said, I’m hearing that married couples fight a lot. And the preacher said, No, don’t worry about that. Marriage is the end of all your problems. And a year later, the young man came back and he said, I’ve been married for a year, and you said marriage was the end of my problems.

It was not. And he said, Yes, it was. I just didn’t tell you which end of the problems it would be. And the fact that we’re all laughing, besides having pity on me on this Father’s Day, is the idea that we understand we all have things in common, not just for the good. But we all have struggles we face. But the truth is, this is a place, this is the time to be showing it, to get help. We are to work together, and it’s not just to acknowledge that yes, other people have problems, and I have to learn to be okay with it. I have to learn to acknowledge, put forward, and yes, even address that I am a mess. I have to be willing to show the real me.

I have to be willing to let people know that I do have struggles. And not just for the sake of saying I have struggles and feel a kumbaya bond, but to say I need help with those struggles. In James chapter 5, notice the words of the inspired writer in verse 13. Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.

The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. In verse 19, my brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save a soul from death. And will cover a multitude of sins. We read James 5 16, and we know that’s good advice. And we know that something we shouldn’t do. In fact, we know that something that we will even be ready for. I am ready and waiting for you to share your mess with me, and I’ll be there for you. I will hear you out, I will give you counsel, and I will pray with you. But this morning’s lesson isn’t about hearing or receiving the news that someone else’s life is a mess.

There are going to be tons of those applications, so please take them as we go. But the focus this morning, if you look back in verse 16, is that I, as part of God’s plan, and to confess my sins to one another. If we think about what that means, it means that I can’t wear a mask. I can’t walk around a congregation here or a private in people’s homes and act as if I have no problems. Act as if everything’s okay, as if I woke up on time, as if getting to church on time was not a struggle, that nobody missed their alarm clock, that nobody forgot to shower this morning. Alright, a couple people smiling. I know, I got you. Guilty. We all face these troubles.

1. God Already Sees the Real Me

But again, this morning I want to be very clear. It’s not about a kumbaya feeling, hey, we all have problems, that’s okay. No, we need to do something with the problems. God says there is a solution to your sin problem. In 1 John 1, verse 9, confess your sins to God, and he is what? Faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. But he also tells us in James 5, verse 16, we must confess our sins to one another, because we need help to please God. And so this morning, I want us to think about a couple things. If I’m going to remove my mask, I need to know first and foremost, before I even think about needing to reveal myself to others, I have to know God already sees the real me.

Can we think about that for a moment? Even if you had the best disguise that money could buy, if you had the best poker face there was, and you came here and we thought you were perfect, and you came here and you may have the mistaken idea that Ken or I were perfect, just ask Didra and Kashka, they’ll squash that rumor. Even if you thought that, even if it was good, even if you were successful in fooling others, we will never fool God. God sees the real me, and worse yet, if I am hiding something, notice what he says in 2 Corinthians chapter 5 and verse 10. He’s going to do something with that knowledge. In 2 Corinthians chapter 5 and verse 10, we must all appear where?

2. I Need Others to See the Real Me

Before the judgment seat of Christ. Do you see this last part of verse 10, though? So that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil. God sees the real me. If I’m hiding it, whose benefit am I hiding it for? There’s only two options, because it’s not God. God sees the real me. He knows what I’ve done, he knows what I haven’t done, he knows what I should do, and he knows the good things I’ve done. It’s either going to be then for my benefit or for everybody else’s. And so let’s talk about those options for a moment. I need others to see the real me. And there’s a multitude of reasons why that’s the case.

But look with me first in Matthew chapter 23. In Matthew chapter 23, I need to make sure that people know the real me. And there’s a reason for that. In Matthew chapter 23, you have the Pharisees being addressed or dressed down, you might say, by Jesus, for their hypocrisy, for their ungodly stewardship as leaders over God’s chosen people, the Israelites. And in Matthew chapter 23 and verse 25, notice two different woes that he issues them. Matthew 23 and verse 25, woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, for you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they’re full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, for you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness.

So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. So first of all, this proves point number one. What did Jesus see right through? Their facade, their mask. He looks at them, he says, outwardly, verse 28, you look righteous. You seem like you’re on top of spiritual things, but what do I, as the Son of God know? On the inside, you are filthy. You are unrighteous, wicked, and corrupt. God sees the real me. But secondly, not only do we need to not put forward the idea of hypocrisy, what do we go, going back to James chapter 5, need to make our faults aware for. We need to make sure people can help me. The Pharisees were teachers. In fact, if you go back to verse 16, Jesus says, Woe to you blind guides, who say, if anyone swears by the temple, it is nothing, but if anyone swears by the gold of his temple, he is bound by his oath.

Verse 17, again, you blind fools. The Pharisees weren’t just harming themselves by living hypocritically. They were damaging their influence to others by making up rules. By making up laws that benefit them. You see, when I don’t make myself real, if I’m not willing to share with you what I struggle with, what my sins are, and let’s make no mistake, words like struggle and sin, that’s what we’re speaking of this morning. Violating God’s will. When I sin, if I don’t bring it up, you know what I’m tempted to do? Sweep it under the rug and move forward as if it didn’t happen. But what’s the problem with that? God sees it. I need it out in the open so that it can be what? Not gossiped about.

3. Others Need Me to Be Real Too

So that it can be solved, so that you can help me, so that I can help you. We’re only as good as the information we’re given. And as you think about God’s wisdom here, the problem with the Pharisees wasn’t just that they were hypocrites, although Jesus was judging them for it. It wasn’t just that they were internally corrupt, which Jesus saw and would punish them for later. It was the fact that they were leading others astray. Others need me to be real too. You see, we’re not fooling God, so we’re either trying to fool others for our own benefit, or we’re trying to fool others for their benefit in some self-righteous claim. But notice what the Hebrew writer says in chapter 10. And we’re going to slow down a little bit after we read this.

In Hebrews chapter 10, though, it’s not just for my benefit that it should go out there. If I am real, if I point out that I have struggles and we’re going to work together arm in arm, we’re going to confess to God, we’re going to be praying as a family, we’re going to act like a real family that God says that we are.

Hebrews chapter 10 and verse 23, let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Let us consider how to stir one another up to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the day drawing near. You see in verse 24, that idea we have to consider how to stir one another up to love and good works. Have you ever had a conversation with somebody about a struggle you’ve had and they’ve never faced it? And then they give you advice on how to face it. It’s possible they have great advice, but you know what generally happens when someone gives us advice on a situation they haven’t been on?

Right or wrong, what do we think or say out loud? You don’t get it. You don’t understand. Maybe if we were more real with one another, we could see that there is somebody here who understands. That you’re not alone facing that struggle or temptation. You’re not the only person being targeted at the office. You’re not the only person struggling in your family life. To be the leader, you should. To be the spouse you need to be. To be the obedient child you need to be.

4. Why Is Being Real So Hard?

Maybe if we were open, we would see in verse 24 that one way I can stir one another up to love and good works is to take advantage of all my pitfalls. All the times I’ve tripped and made dumb decisions. That I can spare you from a future one by being open and honest. But you know what happens with all that wisdom I’ve gained if I keep it bottled up? It’s wasted. Only I can benefit it from it then. So you see, hiding who the real me is not only doesn’t benefit God because he sees right through it, it doesn’t benefit me because I don’t get the help I need, and it doesn’t benefit others because now I can’t help you either. And so the question really is, why is being real so hard?

Why is this so difficult? If it’s so obvious that we should, no one here would say, no, I don’t think we should do that. I think that sounds like a bad thing. Doing what James 5 says, doing exactly what the Bible says, that’s a recipe for disaster. And yet if we’re honest and say I could do better, it means we’re not doing it enough. Why do we struggle? First and foremost, it would mean I’m admitting I’m a mess. It would mean admitting I have failed. And if I admit I failed, I’m then worried about what? How it will look. If we’re so preoccupied with how we look instead of how we are, are we any better than the Pharisees that Jesus addressed in Matthew 23? Did it do them any good, any gain to outwardly appear righteous like a whitewashed tomb, but internally be full of decay and corruption?

Of course not. But you know the trickiest part of this entire lesson this morning is not acknowledging that we have faults. We all know that. We do that. It’s not acknowledging that I might even have faults in common with somebody else. We all get that pretty easily, and that makes us feel better and emboldened. It’s being the first person to go. To say, I’m not going to wait for somebody else to tell me they have problems and then I’ll reciprocate. No, I need God’s help. And part of God’s help is talking to my brothers and sisters in Christ. And so I’m going to acknowledge I have sinned and I need your prayers. I have a struggle. I’m not the child of God I should be. And I need your help to get there.

Who wants to take the first step? You see, there’s some things holding us back from that first step. We’ll come back to in a moment. One of those is the fear that people may judge me. If you look at me in Matthew chapter 7, let’s turn to Matthew chapter 7. I think this is important. In Matthew chapter 7, verse 1 might be the most well-known Bible passage there is. I don’t think anybody who can quote it generally knows where it is, but they know it’s here. In Matthew chapter 7, but before we read it, I want to stop for a moment. Jesus is going to address judgment. Righteous versus unrighteous or hypocritical versus just judgments. Okay, but before we read that section, I want to point out something very important.

It is highly possible that if I am real about my faults, my shortcomings, my sin and struggles, that somebody will judge me, and it may even be justified. We so recoil at the idea of judgment that we miss the fact that Jesus says we are to look out for one another. In Galatians chapter 6, when we bear one another’s burdens, what kind of problem? What kind of burdens? Spiritual burdens. When someone is caught in a spiritual trespass, what do you do? You help them out. That means they were guilty, needed the judgment to say, knock it off, and the hand outstretched to say, let me help you up. And while we’re going to focus this morning on not being preoccupied with those who might sinfully or hypocritically judge, please know that it might mean that I need to hear that I’ve done wrong.

If you are going to raise a child upright, what must you do? If you spare the rod, you spoil the child. That means you make a judgment. And you punish upon judgment that is erring or lacking or poor. But in Matthew chapter 7 and verse 1, Jesus says, judge not that you be not judged, for with the judgment you pronounce, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that’s in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of your own eye when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

So what does Jesus mean in verse 1 when he says, judge not that you be not judged? Does that mean that if I say, okay, whatever lifestyle you want, you claim it, you call it. If you admit your fault, I can’t judge you, Jesus said no. That’s not at all what he’s saying. And it can’t be because what did we already learn about God who sees the real me? In 2 Corinthians chapter 5 and verse 10, one day we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ. And what are we going to receive? A sentence based upon what we’ve done in the body, whether good or evil. Judgment is going to happen. So what is Jesus talking about in verse 2? Well, first of all, he gives us a rule of thumb.

You are going to be judged based on the way you judge others. So knock off what? Verse 3, 4, and 5? Hypocritical judgment. Verse 5, you hypocrite, take the log out of your own eye first. Do you see what an absurd picture that’s being painted here? Jesus says, there is somebody with a log. In case you didn’t know, this is how you hold a log. There’s somebody with a log in their eye. And they’re looking at you saying, hey, you have you got a little something there. There was a story of a family one time that went out to eat. And as they went out to eat, the dad had spilled something and got something about this little big on him. And the wife just couldn’t stand it.

She said, I cannot believe you spilled again on your nice shirt. And he kind of hung his head and said, I’m sorry. And as they went on shopping that night, they went to ring up, and one of the cashiers said, Excuse me, ma’am, I just got to point something out. You have a spill on your jacket there. You may want to get it. And so when the wife looked down, you know what she saw? A spill about this big. Her husband looked at her and smiled, and because he’d been married long enough, just walked right away. You see, sometimes we have to take stock of ourselves first. And what Jesus says is not, don’t judge. He’s saying, you focus on you. You clean the inside of the cup, Pharisee, before you worry about others.

You worry about the inside before you worry about crafting your mask so that you look righteous. You need to be righteous. Don’t look righteous. Don’t look like you’re doing the right thing. Do the right thing. And so when I think about why I might not share my mess with others, it’s because I’m afraid people will judge me for it. They might even hypocritically judge me for it. So let’s address that elephant in the room. It’s very possible that if we were a congregation and we did this, James chapter 5 and verse 16 to its utmost extent and application. We were constantly sharing our faults with one another, praying for one another, that God would have grace, mercy, offer forgiveness, and give us strength to do better next time.

That somebody or somebody’s would judge hypocritically. Would gossip or slander.

That’s a shame. It may very well be that we lose souls for that. There’s a story of a man in a congregation who was visiting for the first time. He was a recovering alcoholic. And he finally found his way into a church building. And as the preacher was preaching, his ringtone went off nice and loud. The preacher scolded him for it. The congregation tisk tisked at him. On all the way home, his wife nagged at him for his phone going off in the service. That night, feeling dismayed and like he could never get his life right, he went back into the bar. And as he was there, still shaking from embarrassment and the depression he was facing, he spilled some of his drink. And the waiter at the bar came over and said, I’m so sorry, sir, let me clean that up for you.

Then the manager came over and said, I saw you spilled something. Let me replace that for you. And then they comped his meal because they felt compassion for him. The church can’t be worse than the world. We have to be the leaders of kindness, grace, mercy, and love. I have to take on that badge of honor that God left for us to be wearing. I have to be willing to put my soul and to bear my weaknesses to you who should be wearing that badge of grace, honor, and forgiveness as well. Because here’s the truth according to God’s word. I need you. And you need me. So what about when people may judge? If people want to judge you wrongly, you’ve let them. Because you don’t answer for them.

You answer for you. It doesn’t do any good to suffer in silence. That leaves you suffering. And that leaves their attitude problem exposed as well, unexposed as well. Do the right thing. Take the help. Remember, whose soul is this about? My soul. Somebody may judge. Ten people may judge you, but you know what? Your soul may get right with God because of the 10 or 15 or 20 people who don’t. And because of your story, because of your honesty and your transparency, someone may come and find you privately, afraid to talk to a big group, but happy to talk to you in private, saying, I am thankful you went forward. You give me the courage I need. I am struggling too. Will you help me? Don’t let ten unrighteous people pull you and others away from God.

If someone wants to pridefully hypocritically judge, let them. And then address it when the time’s right when we’ve removed the log from our own eye. There’s another reason being real is hard. We think others don’t have my problems. This is just a straight lie. This is a lie from the great deceiver. I can give you numerous examples. I have a few. Has anyone ever known a kid to say their parents don’t understand? I know that never happens to anyone but in my house, but that is something I think we can relate to. What about this? Has anyone ever had, and keep in mind you’re in a church building, be honest? Have a discussion about the thermostat reading? What temperature it should be at? Okay, if that one’s not going to do it, how about this?

Where do you want to go eat? I don’t know. Anywhere’s good. I want Chinese food. No, I had that yesterday. I want Italian food. No, I don’t like that. I want a hamburger. No, that doesn’t feel good. Well, where do you want to eat? I don’t know. Anywhere you want to go is fine. We all do it. Now, some of us have our idiosyncrasies that make it worse, more difficult. But we all do it. Why do we think our sin would be any different? If we can get past the pride of being willing to be humble and transparent to others, we would realize that not only do others face what I’m facing, but I can help them and they can help me because we’re tackling the same problem.

If I’m struggling with the same thing you are, we’re the exact people to help each other because you know what I’m going through and thinking. And maybe we need someone wise who’s not facing that problem to help us both, but we can be together, and all of a sudden it’s like this is part of God’s plan, which it always has been. Others do have your problem. You have marital discussions or fights. Everyone does. You have a problem raising kids or being raised by your parents. Everyone has faced that. You have problems not being married, not having kids. People face that. You have problems at work. People have those problems. Have you been fired or let go? People have faced that. There is a problem, I promise you in this room, somebody else has faced it.

Don’t let the devil lie to you and think you’re alone. And you see, this is the work of why we keep things hidden. And we don’t share. And we don’t expose our weaknesses. Because we think, surely, as the devil wants to whisper in my ear, you’re the only one. People are going to judge you for it. You’re going to look weak. You’re going to be vulnerable. You know what the answer to the devil is when he says you’re alone, weak, and vulnerable? Even if that’s the case, I’m going to go to heaven and be with God. But secondly, I’m not weak. I’m strong for standing up for a need. I’m not vulnerable because I have God’s brothers and sisters surrounding me, arm in arm, together, walking on the pathway towards God.

And I am certainly never going to be alone because of my God and because of my family. I can defeat you, devil. Being real is hard because simply it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like being uncomfortable. I’ve said before about I don’t like asking people for help at theme parks or in restaurants. Kashka knows, though, if she sees me ask a question, I either really want that answer. Or I’m trying to show her a sign of good faith. Because it makes me uncomfortable. But you know what happens? You wait in a line long enough. Or you get confused enough and you ask the question out of necessity. Because you want what is offered from the uncomfortable situation more than you care about the feeling of being awkward or uncomfortable.

5. What Should We Do About It?

We’ve got to get over it. Brothers and sisters, if it’s God’s plan for us to be transparent, confess our sins to one another and pray for one another, and we’re not doing it, we are the fools. And we’re letting the devil win. So what can we do about it? What should we do about it? Three quick points. One of them is recognize it will help my soul. If you go back to James chapter 5, we have to see this. You have to be convinced of this. To overcome, to transcend the awkwardness. The fact that it makes me uncomfortable, that makes me vulnerable, and I might seem weak. I might face people who will unfairly criticize or judge. We have to see the price is worth it.

In James chapter 5 and verse 15, notice the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick. And the Lord will raise him up. If he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Verse 16, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. God says, you know what’s on the table with transparency? Forgiveness of sins. You know what that means? Life. Eternal life. Is that not worth? Just a little bit of my being uncomfortable.

If I confess my sins to one another and we pray to God in faithfulness. And my sins can be forgiven. I can be stronger. I can overcome that temptation. Isn’t my soul worth that risk or chance? Isn’t my soul worth bearing and exposing my flaws to a group who likewise should be exposed and flaws revealed so that we can work together and get better? Secondly, if we do this, it’ll strengthen our relationships. I want to look at one final passage this morning. If you look with me in 2 Corinthians chapter 1. In 2 Corinthians chapter 1, one of the benefits is not just praying together for forgiveness. That is, there’s nothing that can beat praying to God, connecting with our Heavenly Father, and being cleansed from unrighteousness.

There’s nothing better. But something that should be put on the list is found in 2 Corinthians chapter 1 and verse 3. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation. And if we are comforted, it’s for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Translation, if you suffer, what can you do with that suffering?

First and foremost, know and take faith that God will comfort you. But secondly, what should I do with my suffering and my relief? Share the good news with somebody else. And so what will happen if I am transparent and honest that I have weakness in sin? I need you to work with me, to pray for me as I walk on this journey, as we walk together trying to stay on the narrow way towards going to strengthen our relationships. And you know what we might actually start being? A family. A family is one of those weird places where we end up saying the most hurtful things we can to the people we love the most. Do you know why that sometimes happens? Because we’re comfortable. Because we’re close.

Because we know those family bonds can take it. I’m not excusing that. I’m not saying that that’s a good thing or a badge to be worn and to be celebrated. It’s a struggle. We have to try extra hard to show extra love to those we love. But if we are close and we strengthen our relationships, we’ll be the family that God destined us to be. And if we do all of these things, we’ll realize removing my mask matches God’s plan. God says, you have a sin problem, and there’s a solution for it. And again, what does it say for me if I don’t take advantage of God’s solution? I have to be honest. I have sin. I have temptation. I have struggles. And it doesn’t make it better that you have them too.

Conclusion

But it helps me know that someone there understands and can help me reach out to God who can do something about it. It helps me realize God does have a plan for me. I am not alone. I’m not left to my own devices. And trust me, God’s plan always works. If you’re here this morning, you’ve never become a Christian, recognize that the forgiveness of sins is what knowing God is all about. We know love because God first loved us. He sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. The ability to be forgiven of our sins, to avoid an eternity in hell is worth any price that can be paid. And what God says is you have to believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God.

You have to confess Him as Lord and the risen Savior and all that that means and entails. You have to repent of your sins and be baptized. Sharing in that death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. And have those sins washed away and have a hope of eternal life with God forever. But maybe you’re a Christian here and you recognize you’ve done wrong. You’ve had suffering. You face the same sin time and time and time again. But for various reasons, the devil’s gotten you to say, I’m just going to keep it quiet. Don’t let the devil win. Make God proud. Accept his plan. If we can help you in any way, know that we’ll pray with you and for you this morning. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

If we can help you in any way, come forward as we stand and sing the invitation song.