Taming The Tongue

Introduction

Do you know what a maleprop is? A malaprop is when you use the wrong word in a sentence, particularly when it’s a word that sounds like the right word. One of the funniest malaprops I ever heard was in a church service. And it made me laugh.

And I’ve matured in a lot of ways, but my sense of humor hasn’t. And so I would still laugh today. It was during a Bible reading. And it was a perfect scenario because the man doing the Bible reading had one of those voices. He was born to do Bible readings. He had a deep, booming authoritative voice.

Excuse me, Acts chapter seven, and into the first few verses of Acts chapter eight. And in Acts chapter eight, verse two, he read, and I quote, and devout men carried Stephen to his burial.

I could picture Stephen being sealed in plastic. Lamentations was the word he meant to use, but he said lamination. That’s a maleprop. You’ve done that, haven’t you? You boldly went out there and used a word you thought was the right word, and it just sounded like the right word.

And it’s embarrassing. And you may feel like at that time that it reflects upon your intelligence or your IQ or lack thereof. We’ve all done that. We’ve all said the wrong thing. And we’ve all done that in far more profound ways, haven’t we? A malaprop is funny when you say the wrong thing. But there’s times and ways in which you can say the wrong thing. And it’s not funny at all. And it wasn’t a reflect upon your intelligence. But maybe reflected upon your Christianity and your character. We’ve all done that. This morning I’d like for us to talk about getting better at that. James in the book of James, chapter three, would you turn over there with me in your New Testament to James chapter three?

James talks about the concept of taming the tongue. Taming our tongues.

To become more Christ like, to become more godly. We need to control our speech. The things that we say in the way that we say them, and James tells us in very graphic words in James chapter three, will you begin in the reading there in verse one, James tells us in very graphic words what we’ve experienced in our own life. And that’s it’s hard to do. James begins by issuing this warning in James chapter one, or excuse me, James chapter three, and in verse one, my brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.

Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths so that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships, that although they are large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder, wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boast great things. See how great a forest, a little fire kindles. And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of nature and is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue.

It’s an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it, we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men who’ve been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh. James tells us about the danger of the tongue and tells us about the difficulty of controlling the tongue. Now you might say, no, wait a minute, James didn’t just tell me about the difficulty of taming the tongue. James says it’s impossible. The tongue no man can tame.

But remember what he said over in chapter 1 in verse 26. If anyone among you thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue, but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless. So he tells us in chapter 3, no man can tame the tongue, but yet in chapter 1, he says, if your religion is to be useful to you at all, you will bridle your tongue. And so it seems to me that James is saying, this task is difficult. But it can be done. Or maybe he’s saying that with man it’s impossible, but with God’s help you can bridle the tongue. But either way, James says we can bridle, or we can tame the otherwise untamable tongue. We can do it. Or at least we should be trying to do it.

1. Say the Right Thing

And so let’s think about some ways, some exercises in which we can tame the tongue or control our speech. First of all, we can tame or bridle the tongue by saying the right thing.

Look with me, if you will, in the book of Ephesians, chapter 4. The Apostle Paul in Ephesians chapter 4, and talking about being the new man, not the old man. And so maybe Paul helps us to understand James. Maybe it’s the old man who can’t tame the tongue, but it’s the new man in Christ who can bridle the tongue. And so he tells us about this new man. Verse 25 of Ephesians chapter 4. Therefore, putting away lying. Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. It seems odd, or does it seem odd to you that in a letter addressed to New Testament Christians, Paul would say, quit lying. Does that not imply that some were doing that?

When he says, put away lying. Or again, more modern vernacular would be stop lying to each other. Put away lying, but speak the truth. Skip down to verse 29. He goes on to talk about how the new man in Christ can tame the tongue when he says, let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth. Now we might first read that and make an improper application or a mis improper interpretation. When I hear the word corrupt word, my mind immediately wants to go to cuss words. Vulgar language. And that’s certainly forbidden, and it’s forbidden in Scripture. But that’s not what Paul is saying here. When he says, let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, he’s not saying don’t cuss. He’ll say that somewhere else.

2. Say It at the Right Time

But right here, he’s saying something else. Keep reading. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. The corrupt word that’s condemned here is not some cuss word. It’s just some hurtful word. It’s some word that will not impart grace, that will not promote edification. He’s talking about harmful and hurtful words. And he says, don’t let those proceed out of your mouth. We can bridle, we can tame the tongue by saying the right thing. By not saying words that can cut and hurt and demean and belittle others. So we tame the tongue by saying the right thing. We can tame the tongue by saying it at the right time. You know, sometimes with words, timing is everything, isn’t it?

There may be times because of your own emotions that it’s best not to talk right now. Because I may say the wrong thing. There may be times in which it’s not right to say it because of the setting that I’m in. Maybe there’s other people around, and this is a conversation you and I need to have just between us.

But maybe there’s times when I shouldn’t say it because that person’s not present, and I’m just gossiping to other people. And that wasn’t the right time to say that. Saying it at the right time. Being judicious in our speech. You know, that’s so much easier to recognize in others than it is in ourselves, isn’t it? That’s true of all of our mistakes. I can remember somebody saying something at the wrong time. It was at a visitation before a funeral. And I was in line behind someone else who went up to someone who had just lost their spouse. What do you say? You don’t say this. They approached this person who was grieving because they had lost their spouse. And they said, I’m so sorry. And they should have stopped there.

3. Say It to the Right Person

But they went on. And said, I’m so sorry. I know how you feel. My cat died last week. Now don’t shoot me, you cat lovers. I know it grieves us when we lose a pet. But to put that on the same level of losing a spouse, maybe wasn’t the right time to bring up your own grief. And so say the right thing. Say it at the right time. Because we’re already implied, say it to the right person. Turn with me to Matthew chapter 18.

Are you starting to see a pattern in all of this? That all of this demands discipline, self-discipline. That I don’t have to say every thought that comes to my mind at every instant that it comes to my mind. That requires discipline. Jesus in Matthew chapter 18 gives us a formula. He says in verse 15, moreover, Matthew 18, verse 15, moreover, if your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault between you and him alone. Now there’s other stages that will follow if this action is not successful. But let’s begin with the first step. Jesus says, someone has wronged you. What do I do? Do I tell others? Or do I go to that person? And the goal being, hopefully, that’s where it ends. Jesus says it can go further, but hopefully the goal is that that rectifies it.

4. Say It the Right Way

But let’s be honest, that’s difficult, isn’t it? Because that’s awkward. For some reason, unknown to me, it’s far less awkward for me to talk about that person to everybody else but that person. That seems easy. But sometimes the easy path isn’t the right path. And so say the right thing, say it at the right time, and say it to the right person. And say it the right way. That’s important, isn’t it? Turn over to the book of Proverbs, chapter 15. Sometimes we can be well-meaning and trying to say the right thing, but we need to make sure that we’re saying it the right way. Proverbs 15, verse 1, the wise man gives this wise advice when he says, a soft answer turns away wrath. And a harsh word stirs up anger.

A soft answer. Say it the right way. Let me give you an illustration of this. Several years ago, when our son was much younger, he was playing little league baseball, and it was all-star time. And if you’ve never done baseball, you don’t know how intense all-star time is. And so they were making selections, and in this league, you had to have your roster locked down by a certain date and a certain time. After that, you couldn’t make changes to that roster. Our son was a pitcher, and I’m not bragging. He was pretty good. And so the coach wanted him on the team, but our son had injured his hand, his throwing hand. And so it was possible that he wouldn’t be able to throw a ball during the whole postseason.

So we were talking to the doctors and the coach. The coach called me one night and he says, Ken, tomorrow’s the deadline. Do you think Blake’s going to be able to play? And I had to say, I don’t know. The doctor doesn’t know. He says there’s a good chance, but he’s also a good chance that he can, or he will do it and it’ll re-injure it. And so the coach was saying, Well, I’m in a pickle here. I want him on the roster. We need him on the roster, but if I put him on the roster, it’ll be kicking another kid out that could play and could help us, and he’s on the roster setting the bench because he can’t play, but if he’s well, he could be on the roster.

And so he was saying, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. And so I finally, I concluded the phone conversation this way. I said, Randy, you do what you got to do. And we hung up the phone. And I got to thinking about it, and it kind of eat away at me that that could have been taken the wrong way. And so I called him back. I said, Randy, I want to explain my last statement there. You know, sometimes you do what you got to do is almost a challenge, a thread, isn’t it? And I said, I meant that. You do, you’re the coach. You make the decision that’s best for the team. You do what you have to do, even if it affects us negatively.

5. Say It for the Right Purpose

That’s the way I meant it. I need to explain that. Because I want to make sure it was understood. I said the right thing, I thought, but I wanted to make sure that it was understood the right way. A soft answer turns away wrath. And then say it for the right purpose. This fixes so much of saying the wrong thing, and this maybe is one of the keys to taming or bridling the tongue. What’s my motivation for saying what I’m going to say? Is it to help? As Paul would say there in Ephesians 5 verse 29. Is it for edification? Am I building this person up? Or am I saying this to make me look good? Am I saying it to make you look bad? Or to feel bad.

Conclusion

Why am I saying this? If we could pause, if we had that filter, that break in our mind, somewhere between our brain and our tongue, to pause before we said anything to anybody else or about anybody else. And just pause and ask this simple question. Is this loving? Our conversations would probably be a lot shorter. But they’d be far more wholesome and encouraging. James warns against the dangers of the tongue. It’s a fire, he says. It’s a near untamable beast. And it’s a poison. But let’s look what the Proverb writer says again in Proverbs chapter 18 this time. Are you still in Proverbs? Turn over a page or two to Proverbs 18, verse 21. And understand the power. The power that you have. The power that you possess in your words.

You have the power to lead someone to Christ.

You also hold the power to drive someone away from Christ. You have the power to mend relationships and to foster goodwill, but you also contain the power to destroy relationships. To foster hate. The Proverb writer put it this way in Proverbs 18, verse 21, death and life are in the power of the tongue. And those who love it will eat its fruit. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. For the purposes of our lesson this morning, we might amend that verse a little bit. Death and life are in the power of the tamed tongue. Or life is.

And love. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Death and life are in the power of the word. That’s true of the word of God, isn’t it? I’m not ashamed, the apostle said, of the power for the gospel of Jesus Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation. This word can save your life. If you’ll hear it, heed it, and do it. If there’s anyone subject to the gospel call this morning, if there’s anyone who needs help taming their tongue, who needs prayers and encouragement to be the type of godly speakers and doers that we ought to be. Would you come right now as together we stand and as we sing?

Faithful to him, will he find us watching with a laptop trim?