Unbalanced Relationships

Introduction

This morning I want to talk to you about relationships. And I want you to think about relationships. About what makes a good relationship and also what might make a bad relationship. In fact, I want you to contemplate a perfect relationship. Or maybe to contemplate the components of a perfect relationship. What makes a relationship perfect? We might say that what makes a relationship good, great, even perfect, is when there’s balance in that relationship. That both partners in that relationship are equally committed to the relationship. Both partners are supplying equal components. They’re both doing their part in that relationship. Would you agree that that’s an important component to relationships and making them what they ought to be? That there’s that balance that both are supplying something and hopefully equal some things.

So let me tell you about a relationship that I have. Maybe the closest thing to a perfect relationship that I have here upon earth. We’ll talk about the spiritual relationship later. But when I think about a relationship that I have that comes closest to perfection, one thing comes to mind. I think about this partner a lot. My partner’s always there for me. Never disappoints, never lets me down. There’s perfect balance in this relationship. Although we may bring different things to the relationship, they still equal out. I’m what you might call the financier in this relationship. I bring money to the table. My partner brings sweetness and goodness. I always open the door for my counterpart. And my partner is more than willing to come along and go where I want to go.

And even though I’m a man, I’ll often verbalize my feelings about this relationship. And my partner just melts. Of course, I’m talking about my relationship with Bluebell ice cream. We both bring something to the table. There’s the perfect and give and take there, and I am convinced that it likes me as much as I like it. But you know, in reality, most relationships aren’t that perfect. They’re not that balanced. And it becomes a challenge to the partners in that relationship. And so I want to talk to you this morning, not about perfect relationships, but about unbalanced relationships. Sometimes tremendously unbalanced relationships. Relationships where one partner seems to be giving so much more than the other one. And how do we maintain those relationships? What’s to be our attitude and our actions?

1. Our Unbalanced Relationship With the World

We’re going to talk about very quickly this morning four different relationships that you will probably find yourself in that at least at times are unbalanced relationships. And sometimes are extremely unbalanced relationships. The first one that Jesus would warn us about is our unbalanced relationship with the world.

The gospel is preached for the first time, and people respond. The text tells us 3,000 people respond positively and obey that gospel and are baptized for the remission of their sins. And after that, it says that everything was wonderful. They had fellowship together, they ate together, they worshiped together, and almost the last statement of Acts chapter 2 says, and they, speaking of these Christians, this new church, they were having favor with all the people. The world just loved them. But if you want just good news, stop reading there. Because we go deeper into the book of Acts, we realize that relationship changes. That they no longer have favor with all the people.

And when the beatings don’t work, they’ll be killed. That’s the way the world treats Christians. Jesus would warn us of that. Turn with me to the gospel of Matthew, chapter 5, the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus is establishing the platform, if you will, for his kingdom. What it’s going to be like to be a citizen in the kingdom of God. And much of that platform is in the sense of a warning. Here’s what it’s going to be like. As early as the introduction, we might say, of this Sermon on the Mount. Those beatitudes, notice the last beatitude, verse 10 back up. Matthew 5, verse 10. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they revile you and persecute you and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for my sake.

Rejoice in being exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets that were before you.

And they will revile you and persecute you. And so what are you to do in return? What’s to be your relationship with the world? Turn over just a couple verses in that same chapter. Matthew chapter 5, verse 43. Jesus said this. You have heard it that it was said, you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies. Bless those who curse you. Do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. You don’t talk about an unbalanced relationship. The world, Jesus says, the world’s going to hate you. Don’t be surprised at that. He would say they hated me before they hated you. And they’re going to revile you. They’re going to persecute you, they’re gonna say all manner of evil against you falsely, and they’re gonna seek to get you to destroy to be destroyed.

And so what are you to do in return in this unbalanced relationship? You’re to love them. You’re to accept their reviling, their persecution, and you love them. I don’t know about you, but sometimes in this relationship between me and the world. I don’t like that. I don’t like the fact that it’s unbalanced. Why do I always have to be the bigger person? Why do I always have to accept what the world throws at me? Why don’t I ever get to be the bully? Why do I always have to just sit and take it and love them in return? Look what it says in 1 Peter chapter 3 about this unbalanced relationship between the Christian and the world. 1 Peter chapter 3, look at verses 8 and 9.

2. The Strong Christian and the Weak Christian

Here’s to be our unbalanced attitude in this relationship. Finally, all of you be of one mind. I’m reading 1 Peter 3, verse 8, having compassion for one another, love his brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous, not returning evil for evil. Or reviling for reviling. But on the contrary, blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. Why does it have to always be that way? Why can’t I return reviling for reviling, violence for violence? Why do they give me reviling, persecution, and hatred, and God says, love them. It doesn’t seem fair. Another relationship as a Christian that you will find yourself in that will be completely unbalanced, is the relationship between the strong Christian and the weak Christian. For this, look in Romans chapter 15.

Not only is there going to be an unbalanced and seemingly to our eyes, an unfair relationship between the Christian and the world, but that unbalanced relationship continues within the church as well. There’s always going to be those who are stronger in the faith, and there’s always going to be those who are struggling in their faith. And the apostle Paul, by inspiration, gives us instructions about this relationship, and he says in those instructions that it’s going to be completely unbalanced. Romans chapter 15, let’s start there in verse 1. We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. For even Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, the reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.

3. Husbands and Wives: Marriage Is Rarely 50-50

Paul describes another very unbalanced relationship. It is the strong Christian who is to bear with the weak. And again, in my spiritual immaturity I whine. Why does it always have to be me? Why do I always have to bear with someone else? Why do I always have to be giving and supplying encouragement? When does it get to be my time to be the focus? It can frustrating. Can even be downright discouraging at times for the strong to constantly be the ones who are called upon to be the bigger person. There’s another relationship that is often unbalanced. Scripture outlines, turn with me to a familiar text for many of you, Ephesians chapter 5. Scripture outlines, and you might say pretty clear language, the responsibility of both partners in this relationship.

And notice what it says in Ephesians 5, verse 22. Wives, Ephesians 5 22, wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Turn the coin over, verse 25. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he may present her to himself as a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own body. He who loves his own wife loves himself.

But we think, why did I get the short end of that stick? Wives may be tempted to say, Why do I have to submit? Why does he get to be the head? That’s not fair. Husbands are thinking, why do I have to be the head? I don’t want that responsibility. I don’t want all that on my shoulders.

And we see this as an unbalanced relationship. And we say, why? Why do I always have to be the bigger person? But we can take this to another step. Look at the last verse of our text here. Ephesians chapter 5, in his conclusion, he says in verse 33, nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. The duties are given. Wives, you are to respect your husband. Husbands, you are to love your wives. But you know one thing left out of that verse, and I would think maybe intentionally so. He doesn’t say, husbands, you love your wives when she gives you the respect that you deserve. He didn’t say that.

He also didn’t say, wives, you respect your husbands if they love you the way they ought to love you. There’s an imbalance innate in that relationship.

And usually there’s truth in those, but we can always find fault if we’re being real picky. Someone many, many years ago came up with the saying that marriage, to be successful, marriage is to be 50-50. And that is the husband’s supposed to do something his part, the wife’s supposed to do her part. And if I try to see the intent in that, I can say there’s some truth to that. But some years later, somebody said, No, it’s marriage isn’t 50-50. Marriage is a hundred a hundred, meaning that you don’t give 50%, you give your all. And the partner gives your all. And reality, it’s the same ratio. But I get what they were saying. Don’t just give 50%, give a hundred percent to that marriage. And the partner’s to give a hundred percent.

So marriage is fifty-fifty, marriage is a hundred a hundred. I see the truth in both of those. I get their point that they’re making, but you want to know the reality? Marriage is rarely 50-50. Marriage is rarely 100-100. You want to know the reality of marriage? Sometimes marriage is 60-40. 70-30. Sometimes marriage is 90 to 10. He give you an illustration, one of the sweetest women I ever knew was named Augajus. And I knew Aug after her husband had had a debilitating stroke. For a couple of decades, she waited literally waited on him hand and foot. He was confined to a bed, could not speak, could not feed himself, could not clean himself. But she was a good, faithful wife. Was that marriage 50 50 at that stage?

Was it a hundred? No. That was 99.9.

4. The Ultimate Unbalanced Relationship: Us and God

Because that’s the way it had to be. But she did her part. And more. And sometimes it might not be because of a debilitating illness or affliction. It might be for other reasons, worldly reasons, even. But sometimes marriage is going to be 70, 30, 80, 20. And it’s very easy us to say that’s not fair. Why do I always get to be the bigger person? Why do I always have to be the giver? When is my time? Well, there’s another relationship that we need to talk about this morning that is even more unbalanced. And that’s the relationship between us and God. This is the ultimate unbalanced relationship. Oh, there are things that we are to give. There are things that we are to do. Scripture lines it out perfectly clear for us to understand.

That there’s obedience, there’s conditions that we must meet. There are things that we must do in this relationship. But look with me of how the Holy Spirit puts it in Luke chapter 17. In Luke chapter 17.

Let’s begin in verse 5 and look at this parable that our Lord speaks. Verse 5 says of Luke 17, and the apostle said to the Lord, Increase our faith. So the Lord said, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea, and it would obey you. And which of you having a servant ploughing or tending sheep will say to him, when he’s come in from the field, would say to your slave, come at once and sit down to eat. But will he not rather say to him, prepare something for my supper, and gird yourself and serve me till I have eaten and drunk, and afterward you will eat and drink.

Does he thank that servant because he did the things which were commanded him? I think not. So likewise, when you’ve done all those things which are commanded, say this.

We’re still just unprofitable servants. We just did what was our duty to do. This is the ultimate of unbalanced relationships. The scale does not even move. When we put what we’ve done for God on one side and what God has done, is doing and will do for us on the other side. And so there’s a couple lessons from that. Let’s be thankful for unbalanced relationships. Let’s be thankful that God gives and loves and blesses and never questions or hesitates because he’s doing more than we are. But the second lesson is that this serves as our example. That if we are his children, if we love as he loves, if we live as he lives, we understand that in our relationships, it’s okay for it to be unbalanced.

Conclusion

May God give us the mind of God when it comes to our relationships. That when it comes to my attitude toward the world, may I be more like God and say, this relationship is unbalanced, but I’m going to do what I’m called upon to do. To the strong Christians, in your relationship to the weak. May God give you a spirit closer to His that you’ll give and you’ll give and you’ll bear with. May He help us husbands and wives to forget to keep score. To simply do what God’s called upon us to do. To love, to forgive, and to be compassionate as He is toward us. Not only do we experience unbalanced relationships, but we thank God for them. Would you have that relationship with Jesus Christ this morning?

God’s called upon you to do certain things. And at times it may feel like he’s called upon you to do too much, to sacrifice, to obey too much, but always recognize that in this unbalanced relationship, he has done so much more than we ever will. Would you come to him in faith, repenting of your sins, confessing that faith, and be baptized this morning and enter into the most blessed of all relationships as unbalanced as it is? Would you become a Christian this morning? Can we help you in this or in any of your relationships this morning? Would you come as together we stand and as we sing?