Getting Married

Introduction

Going to the next stage of Jacob’s life, we’re going to look at Jacob chapter, I mean, not Jacob chapter 29. If you all turn to Jacob 29, then we’re going to have some problems. Genesis 29. Genesis 29. We’re not going to read all 30 verses. But just by looking at chapter 29 and what you know about what’s going on in chapter 29, who can give me just an overview as to what’s happening there? Yes, ma’am.

Uh-huh. Seven years for a late day. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and the death and four years, and they’re not going to be able to do that. That’s right. Okay. Did you hear everything she said? She said that, you know, in this particular story, Jacob met Rachel, and he fell in love with Rachel, and he wanted to marry Rachel. So he said, I will work for my uncle Laban for seven years, just so I can have Rachel as a wife. And Laban thought that was fair. So Jacob worked seven years, and the Bible said it was but a few days because his love for Rachel was so strong. But then when he woke up the next morning, it was Leah in the bed. Huh? Yes. His first cousin. You know, it’s amazing how, you know, things that, you know, were taboo, I mean, that are tabooed today were not tabooed back then because it was necessary in order for the earth to repl to be replenished.

You know, but he fell in love with Rachel and he wanted to marry Rachel, but he ended up marrying Leah. So then he said, What have you done to me? He says, Well, it’s it’s uh it’s our custom that the youngest does not get married before the older. But now, since the older has been married, you work seven more years for me, and then you can have Rachel. Saying that marrying Rachel, working another seven years for Laban, but he eventually marries the woman that he wants. I wanted to talk about getting married. Because this is a stage in Jacob’s life. He gets married. Now I want to first talk about getting Rachel. There had to be a process in order for this to happen. Don’t you know that when you get married, you have to be qualified to do that?

It’s not one of those things in which you say, oh, she’s cute, he’s hot, we will have great children together, let’s make this happen. No. No. No. It doesn’t work that way.

1. Four Things Adam Had Before Marriage

That you’re ready for marriage. The first marriage we read about in the Bible, where do we read about it at? Not wedding, marriage. Who said that? Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve. God created Adam in Genesis chapter 7. Genesis chapter 2, verse 7. And then in Genesis chapter 2, verse 18, he says, It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him. Why couldn’t he just say that in verse 8? Why couldn’t he just say that in verse 7? Why wait until verse 18? What took place between verse 7 and verse 18 in which God created man and felt that man was cool by himself, but now in verse 18, man needs some assistance. Four things happen. Who wants to take a staff at these four things that Adam had before God says, yep, now it’s time for you to get married?

Yes, ma’am.

Yeah, which was his what?

But him naming the animals, what was he doing? What was that to him?

It was his job. Adam had a job. Shame on people that want to marry somebody that’s unemployed. They can’t take care of themselves. How are they going to take care of you? Adam had at least a J-O-B. He had a job. Why would Eve want to be interested in a man that can’t provide for her? Adam had a job. He didn’t say, let me get the girl first and then I will find employment later. No, he had the employment first. He had a job first. God didn’t make Eve, and then Adam said, Well, you know what, baby, I do have a dollar and I do have a dream. Let’s get together. It didn’t work that way. He had a job. What else did Adam have?

Yes, ma’am. Adam had a place to live. Why would you want to be wed to somebody? That you get married, you go on the honeymoon, and then you look at your spouse, your spouse look at you, can’t wait to go home. Can’t wait to go home either. Where’s home? I don’t know. I thought you had a place. I thought you had a place.

Where are you going to bring your spouse if you don’t have a place to stay? Adam had a place to stay. It was Eden. They were not confused as to where they were going to start their life. Eden. That was the shelter that God provided for Adam, and that was the shelter that Adam was providing for Eve. And he had the shelter before Eve came into the picture. What else? Yes, ma’am. He what? It says he had gold.

Genesis chapter 2, verse 11.

Genesis 2, 11. Okay. Alright. Okay. Very good. Yes. Huh? He had food. He knew how to take care of himself. He had food. That was the third thing. He knew how to take care of himself. He knew how to take care of himself. He didn’t look to get married for somebody to take care of him. He knew how to take care of himself. That’s a prerequisite. Homes begin with marriage. You all are here because your parents knew how to take care of themselves, so then they were able to take care of one another, and then when you all came on the scene, they were able to take care of you. Adam knew how to take care of himself.

Okay. Gave him instructions. Yes.

Speak up Elijah.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Okay, so he took care of some things. The most important thing.

Yes.

Say what now?

He knew his relationship with God because he had a relationship with God. He had a relationship with God. Think long and hard about this thing that I’m about to tell you. You marry somebody. Wouldn’t you want the person that you married to, that you get married to, that you have a relationship with that you’re going to vow to be with them until death do you part? Wouldn’t you want that person to have a relationship with God? Don’t you know marriage is not something that is easy? Marriage is something that is difficult. You are cohabitating with somebody for the very first time. They were raised one way, you were raised another way. And now you have to come together to create a home and operate that home as a unit.

And you’re going to do some things that are unfamiliar to him. He’s going to do some things that are unfamiliar to you. So you have to learn to work together. That’s going to be difficult. So you have to have something in common. And the one you need to have in common is God. Because what’s going to save all of our marriages is the fact that we can talk to the Father. How sad would it be that your partner for life is not a Christian? You’re sick. You’re in the hospital. And they don’t even know the great physician. The only one that can make the wounded whole. You look over at your husband, you’re in pain. Can you pray for me? Oops, forgot you’re a sinner. God doesn’t hear you.

How much sense does that make? Adam had a relationship with God. He had a place to stay, he had a job, he had a career. He knew how to take care of himself. Jacob even understood these things. In the last lesson, we saw that he left home and he took God with him. Jacob had a relationship with God. He knew that in order for him to be able to take care of Rachel, he had to have a J-O-B in order to do it. So guess what? He worked for his uncle for the right to be with Rachel. He could have asked for Rachel’s hand of marriage right then and there and married her, but he realized that hey, I have no job, I have no career, I need to have a means to be able to take care of this woman.

So guess what? It’s going to take me seven years to do it, but guess what? I’m going to do what it takes. And it’s only going to be but a few days because I love her so much. I don’t want to be a disadvantage to her. I want to be an advantage to her. So he worked for her. Jacob knew how to take care of himself. He had a mother by the name of Rebecca. Jacob was always in the house. Jacob was a man that knew how to cook. He knew how to take things that Adam had before he got married. And notice that we don’t read about divorce in Adam’s situation. We don’t read about divorce in Jacob’s situation.

2. What Ends a Marriage

Because they all had a relationship with God. Let’s talk about in marriage now. We get married. We find the person that we in love with. They’re in love with us. We have to stay commitment to, we have to stay committed to that relationship. What ends a marriage? Yes. Okay, divorce ends a marriage. But can I just, you know, listen, you know, I got married to a girl, you know. I realize that she buys shoes every month. You know, I’m going to always be in debt for as long as she’s buying these shoes. I better stop the bleeding now. Can I put her away because she buys too many shoes? Can I divorce my wife because she doesn’t fry chicken right? I mean, can I divorce my wife because I don’t like the way she dressed?

I mean, can I divorce my wife because I want a boy, but she’s giving me four girls? I mean, can I divorce my wife for that? What ends a marriage? Yes. Okay. Adultery. Death. I want us to put our eyes on these scriptures because these are very important principles that we have to understand. Because when you get married, you are making a lifelong commitment. Ignore what you see on TV. Kim Kardashian marrying this guy, and nothing decided within less than thirty days, she doesn’t want to be with him no more. These reality stars having these big weddings. And within 41 days, eleven days, sometimes six hours, they’re getting wet marriages, divorce, they’re getting divorced, they’re getting annulment. This is ridiculous. Folks going to Vegas, getting married, but then they were drunk, they didn’t know what they were doing, so therefore we got to find a way out of this.

Marriage is important no matter how the media, no matter how the world has downplayed it. God instituted marriage.

Let us look at one, Matthew chapter uh nineteen.

Matthew 19. Verses actually three through nine. Who would like to read that? Yes, ma’am. And there is asking when I checked because I asked you the Bible devotees with God.

All the way to verse 9.

So they are no longer feeling about one question. Whether anyone God has not managed to have to be on the board.

I think it might be better than one thing, but I think it’s a second one.

There’s only three types of individuals that are ever going to be qualified to get married, okay? Number one, a person that has never been married before. That means you are single. You’ve never been married before.

So at that point, God can actually join you two together. It’s not a sin to ask questions of the person’s past that you are thinking about marrying. Well, if I ask 20 questions, they’re going to walk away. If they don’t want to answer your questions, they got something to hide. Move on. No need to get trapped in a situation. No need to make a mistake, make bad judgment, get involved in something that’s going to ruin your life. Ask questions. Have you been married before? Well, you know, there was this thing that happened 15 years ago. Have you been married before? Well, yeah, I married this girl. We stayed married for about three days, this, that, and other thing. Okay, it was nice knowing you. Second thing was already brought up.

You’re married to somebody. That person decides that they want to do things with other people. So they commit adultery. They step outside the marriage. You put them away for that cause. God permits you to go ahead and remarry if that’s what you choose to do. Because you honored the covenant. They broke the covenant. So God frees you from that bond. If you choose to be freed from that bond. Don’t you know there’s no scripture in the Bible that says if your spouse cheat on you, you have to put them away. Majority of my time in the DC area is spent in marital counseling. And the reason why I do more marital counseling than anything is because these folks didn’t talk to me for premarital counseling. The reason why I do a lot of premarital counseling is because I don’t like to do marital counseling.

I don’t like it. Because usually people come to me for help when they should have come to me from the very beginning to try to receive that help. But they tried to do things their way. They’ve argued, they fought with each other, they hate one another. They’re on the verge of divorce, and then they hate talking to me because guess what? I discourage it.

Yeah, I know your husband messed up. Yeah, I know your wife messed up. Yeah, I know you want out of this relationship. But you made a commitment. Let’s work on repairing the relationship rather than trying to find the easiest way to dissolve the relationship. The reason why folks come to my office is because in their marriage they have been irresponsible. When if they had just taken the time to be responsible, they wouldn’t find themselves in this situation. This is why we’re talking about responsibility this week. You have to be responsible when you leave home. You have to be responsible when you get married. We said on yesterday evening. It takes wisdom to find a good spouse. You have to be responsible to keep that spouse. Then also, if you’re married and your spouse dies, literally dies.

I’m not talking about these spiritual deaths. You know, well, you know, he’s been dead in this relationship for 25 years. Can I put him up with it? No, no, you cannot. God has to take him out. God has to take her out. He has to remove the spirit from the body in order for you to be free to remarry. That’s the only way it’s going to happen. Those are the only people that get married. Jacob was able to get married.

3. Marriage Is a Covenant, Not a Contract

He was single, Rachel was single. Now we know that in the Old Testament, he was also married to Leah. We’re not going to sit here and say, Well, how can this man be married to two women at the same time? You know what? You’re not under that covenant anymore. Stick to this covenant. Do what the book tells you to do. Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. He got married. Some of us are going to get married one day. We have to know what we’re looking for. We have to know what to look out for. And one of the things that we have to understand first and foremost about marriage is that marriage is a contract. Does anybody agree with that statement? Disagree with that statement. Raise your hand if you don’t know whether to agree or disagree.

All right, thank you for your honesty. Marriage is not a contract, it’s a covenant. Here’s the difference. A contract is I will do my part for as long as you do your part. That’s a contract. If Josh and I have a contract, Josh says, Antoine, you write sermons for me and I will pay you. So that’s our contract. So I write Josh a sermon, Josh pays me. So I write Josh another sermon, Josh pays me. But then something happened. I write Josh a sermon, Josh doesn’t pay me. Then Josh says, Antoine, answer I need another sermon. Well, Josh, I need to be paid. Until such a time that you honor your part of the contract, I am under no obligation to honor my part of the contract.

A lot of people get divorced because they view marriage as a contract. You said you will love me and that you will cook for me every day. I came home Friday. There was no food on the stove. I have no obligation to come home at night now. What? That’s how a lot of people view marriage. She didn’t do her part, so I’m not going to do my part. He didn’t do his part, so I’m not going to do my part. No, marriage is not a contract. Marriage is a covenant. That means that I have made a commitment to this other party, and I’m going to fulfill my obligations, whether the other person fulfilled their obligations or not. Think about that for a moment. Because when we enter into covenant with Jesus, when we enter into covenant with God, some of us have been unfaithful.

Some of us have transgressed God’s law. Some of us have been unfaithful, some of us have sinned. And guess what? God still feeds you. He still provides for you. He still guides you. He still looks out for you. He still instructs you if you listen. I mean, all of these things, God doesn’t stop being God because we stop being godly.

You still have to be a good wife, even when your husband has decided he doesn’t want to be a good husband. That’s why when it comes to marriage, I know some people are going to always try to push you to get married. You don’t have to be married in order to get to heaven. Did you know that? You can be single and still make it to heaven. You can be married and make it to heaven. You have that choice as to whether you want to commit to somebody else or whether you want to just go at this alone. But you have that choice. But if you’re going to make the decision to get married, you have to understand what marriage is before you enter this covenant.

You have to recognize that it is a covenant, not a contract. That there’s a 50-50 chance that the person that you’re married to may become unfaithful, may give up on God, may decide to step out of the relationship, may decide to be a crummy spouse. You run that risk. But also understand the fact that if you have a relationship with God, you can talk to God about it. You can work with your spouse with things, and you can work things out and you can grow and grow this relationship. Many of you all, your parents are still together because they trust in God. Now I don’t know your upbringing. I don’t know what you’ve gone through. I don’t know if I don’t even know what you’re the product of.

My dad’s been married three times. Count them. Three. One, two, three, three times. And married my mom twice. You know, that’s my upbringing. My grandparents never got married. In Virginia, they had something called common law. If they lived together long enough, the state considered them married. Even though they never officially went and did it. So I have a grandmother with a different last name. Why? Because she never married my grandfather. I’ve been married for 13 years, and I’m shocked that I’m still together because I’ve received, I’ve learned so many bad habits growing up. That it’s only because of the grace of God that I am still in the relationships that I’m in today. Because the Bible teaches us what we need to do to keep our marriages together.

4. Be Faithful

So if you’re going to get married, let me show you some things that the Bible teaches that we must do in order for our relationships to stay together. Well, first of all, in order for your marriage to work, here’s a good idea. Be faithful. Be faithful. If you marry this man, then this is the only man that you’re supposed to be committed to. If you marry this young lady, she’s the only young lady that you’re supposed to be committed to. How about doing that? I think that’s a noble idea. If you make a commitment to somebody, honor that commitment. Common sense. The Bible teaches us this in Proverbs chapter 5, verses 18 through 23. Who would like to read that? And when you read, please read loudly.

Proverbs chapter, Proverbs chapter 5, verses 18 through 23. Yes, ma’am.

As a loving mind for the grace of those satisfied.

My wife should be for a celebration to my son. When we use his hands and before the eyes of the word, he wants to fall.

And he would die for like some expressions and races of the father who will go with that. I’m reading the ESV and it says, be intoxicated with the love of your spouse always. Be intoxicated. That means, I mean, you know, no one makes you happier than your spouse. Be faithful. Let your spouse satisfy you. You satisfy your spouse. When you realize that there is no other person in the world for you, then you don’t look other places. You’re faithful. Somebody asked me a long time ago, why did you marry your wife? I said, Well, I married her not because she was somebody I could live with. I married her because she was somebody that I couldn’t live without. That’s love. I’ve been married since I was 21 years old.

My parents were angry. You’re just a baby. How are you going to do this? Well, guess what? I had I was a Christian. I was faithful. I had my own place. I had my own job. I knew how to take care of myself. And I wanted to be with her. I also had a game, too. I had a rap. You know, I walked up to my wife. I said, girl, sit down and relax a moment. I know your legs are tired. You’ve been running through my mind all day. You know, I looked at her one day. I said, You know what, where are you from? She said, I’m from Florida. I said, No, you gotta be from Tennessee because you’re the only 10 I see. Go ahead and try it.

It works. It don’t work.

Oh, they’re cheesy. Oh, okay. No, I’m just kidding.

We will ask her later today if it really works. If it really works or not. But just understand the fact that, you know, when you want to be with somebody, when you’re in love with somebody, you’ll do what you need. You’ll have what you have in order to be able to provide for that person and be able to add to that person and not take away from that person. But you have to be faithful to that person. I want nobody but her. She wants nobody but me, I think. Y’all didn’t get that, did you? Okay, never mind. I want nobody but her. She wants nobody but me. But you have to be faithful. Don’t look to be in love or to be guided or to want what somebody else has.

Or want to be loved by somebody else. This is what Proverbs chapter 5, verse 18 through 23 is talking about. Think about also another scripture in which how are we supposed to be faithful? We’re supposed to be faithful with our eyes. Job 31, verse 1. Who would like to read that? Job 31, verse 1. Who would like to read that? Yes, ma’am. I have made a content with my eyes. Why is that I love the part of young woman? Think about that for a moment. We have to be faithful with our eyes. Don’t you know that one of the things that will start more arguments in your marriage is when your husband is looking at other women or when your wife is looking at other men?

For what? Y’all walking in the mall holding hands, girl walk by, barely wearing any clothes, and you talking to him and he’s doing this. Or you watch a movie, and next thing you know, your spouse is just like, oh, he is hot. How come you don’t look like that? Do some sit-ups, do some push-ups. Really?

Why are you even looking? Why did it even come to that? Don’t you know that you know these things long before you get married, but sometimes we have this idea that we can change our spouse? Don’t you know if your boyfriend has a wandering eye before you get married? It’s not going to be fixed when you get married. If your girlfriend has a wandering eye before you get married, it’s not going to miraculously get fixed after you say I do. Why are you looking around? If you make a covenant with your eyes and say, I don’t care what this person looks like, I don’t care what that person looks like, I don’t care what this person doing, that person doing, I only have eyes for you.

Your marriage will work. We have to be faithful with our minds. We have to be faithful with our lips. Somebody get for me first Peter chapter 3, verses 8 through 12. Or 7 through 12. 1 Peter chapter 3 verses 7 through 12.

Uh 1 Peter chapter 3, verses 7 through 12. Someone who hasn’t read yet. Uh, yes, sir. Your husband is anybody next to your wife, understanding a way of the somebody we could think you want me to go on the phone or like your best. Some of all of you be handled harmonious, that it must be hand on it, and who he is?

But one of you designed that you love be good names, but he decompany evil and it’s easy to be evil.

Something like this.

All right, thank you very much. Last night during the invitation, we looked at Proverbs chapter 24, verse 9, in which the Bible teaches that the thoughts of foolishness is sin. These are the things that we do with our mind. We have to think pure thoughts. We have to think right thoughts. You know, many arguments happen in a marriage. Why? Because your spouse is talking and you’re already trying to formulate a defense without actually listening to your spouse. Some of you all get in arguments with your friends over things that weren’t even said, but because of what you thought. Well, I thought that when I spoke to you and you didn’t speak back, that you didn’t want to be my friend no more. So that’s why I didn’t invite you to my birthday party.

I didn’t speak because I didn’t hear you. But we’ve already been unfaithful with our minds. We thought the worst about somebody.

Well, when I become his wife, he will honor me. No, he’s just gonna be just as sarcastic, just as sarcastic then as now as he is then. Same thing with the wife. Understand that we have to be faithful with our lips. Why would we say things that tear people down when we need to say things that ought to build people up? Have people coming into my office all the time. See, brother Holloway, this is what I’m talking about. Every time I come home from work, she never has anything encouraging to say for me. That’s why when I drive home, I just sit in the parking lot for about 15 minutes to get my thoughts together so I can walk in the house. Wait a minute, you’re a prisoner in your own home.

Why does it have to be that way? It don’t. If I know that no matter what’s going on in my marriage, what’s going on in my relationship, I’m going to speak encouraging words, not discouraging words. Always speak kind words. You know, you wake up in the morning, good morning. What’s so good about it? Because I’m married to you. I mean, just what does the Bible teach in Romans chapter 12, verse 21? Be not overcome with evil, overcome evil with good. That applies to your marriage. When your spouse is possessed by the devil, still be good. Overcome evil with good. That’s the way it works. Always be faithful with your lips. Genesis chapter 39, because we need to wrap this up. Genesis chapter 39, verses 7 through 9, we read the story about Joseph.

Joseph was a slave in Potiphor’s house. And as the story goes, Potiphar’s wife was like, lay with me, lay with me. She was ready to become unfaithful to Potiphor. But then Joseph said, I cannot do this wickedness before my God. And she kept saying, Lay with me, lay with me. And she reached out and grabbed him and he ran away. He would not touch her. Sometimes we have to be faithful like that in our marriage. Don’t you know? I always have this joke that I always tell my wife, because she may say something to the effect of, you know, oh Antoine, that was great, you know what I’m saying, but I wouldn’t go over there no more. I wouldn’t do this, I wouldn’t do that because, you know, this person may be interested in you, or that person may be interested in you.

And I always say to her, girl, you’re fine because you got a man don’t nobody else want. Don’t you know that’s not true? The most desired people, the most desired people are married people. Did you know that? See, for as long as you’re single, people think something’s wrong with you. So no one desires you. Wow, he’s a great guy, but he’s single for a reason. That’s how people talk. Wow, she’s cute, she looks good, but she’s single for a reason. But then when you’re married, people say, Wow, something must be special about that girl. He wants her. So I need to figure out what’s so special about him. Wow, something must be special about her because he wants her. He’s married to her. So there’s something great about it.

I need to discover what that is. The most desired people in a relationship are people that are married. And there are times in which people are going to come up with you and try to tempt you and going to try to try to convince you how they can be better for you than your current spouse. Don’t believe the hype. Do what Joseph did and run. We have to be faithful with our hands, but according to 1 Corinthians chapter 6 and the verses 18, we need to flee fornication. We need to be faithful with our feet. We need to run away from such situations. We shouldn’t play these games in which, you know, I was watching this television show one time, and they had these three, the four guys at a table sitting down in the middle of a bull frightening ring.

And the goal was whoever can sit at the whoever is the last person sitting at the table wins a thousand dollars. Okay? But here’s the catch. They’re about to let loose a bull. And this bull came charging the table, and these people are just sitting there. And this bull is going to come and it’s going to gore some people and it’s going to kill somebody if these folks don’t move, but they’re thinking, man, if I can just be the last one, if I can just be the last one. I mean, $4,000. You see how dangerous that is? Why do we do that in regards to sin? Let’s see how close we can get to the fire without being burnt. Let’s see how close we can get to the fire and not smell like smoke.

5. Five Things Before We Say I Do

That’s foolishness. Fire burns. Fire hurts. You will smell like smoke if you get close to it. Run from it. That has to be our mentality with sin. That has to be your resolve when you get married. I want us to also look at Ecclesiastes chapter 4, verses 9 through 11. Because that scripture teaches us that we must work together in order to be pleasing to God. We cannot have a successful marriage if we get inside the relationship and say, well, listen, my way is the best way and is either my way or the highway. We can’t be that way. So as we close on this morning, before we say I do, there’s five things that we must keep in mind. Number one, we must make sure this relationship is initiated for the benefit of the other person.

When you marry somebody, you have to add something to them. And that person has to add something to you. Think about that for a moment. Do you need to get married in order to have a bad life? You can have a bad life without ever getting married. So why get married in order to have a bad life? This person that you marry has to add something to you, and you have to add something to them. It has to be advantageous for both of you. These one way marriages in which, you know, I’m dealing with a couple right now in which, you know, he adds something to her, but she adds nothing to him. But she’s marrying this guy because of what he can do for her, but she can’t do nothing for him.

Why? What’s in it for him? What does he get from this agreement, this arrangement? Everybody has to benefit. Number two, we must be ready, willing, and able to make and keep unconditional promises through our relationships.

Are you ready to make that commitment? Again, like we talked earlier, marriage is more than just she’s cute, he’s hot. I think we’ll have great children together. You know, people look at me differently when I’m with him. People look at me differently when I’m with her. Are you willing to make those promises that are necessary to keep that relationship going? Are you willing to look past a person’s flaws and inconsistencies and idiosyncrasies and just say, you know what? Regardless of these things, I still love this person. This person cannot do anything that will cause me to stop loving them. That’s what we’re talking about in regards to marriage. Number three, our love for the other person is a steadfast agape love. It goes deeper than I like this person.

You love this person when they’re young and beautiful. You love this person when they’re old and gray. You love this person when they got wrinkles on their face. You love this person regardless. Number four, we must view commitment as permanent. Permanent. If you say you’re going to be with this person till death do you part, you’re not even looking for an opportunity to murder that person. Because you’re committed to this person. For as long as you got breath in your body and blood in your veins, I love you, and I’m not going to let you go anywhere because I’m committed to you. This commitment is permanent. What if God gave up on you every time you made a mistake? Every time you messed up. What if he says, you know, I was going to be committed to Chris, but you know, Kristen went and did some foolish things.

Ah, I’m done. I’m done. I’m done with Chris. God loves us with an agape love, and he’s committed to us, and his commitment to us is permanent. Our commitment to one another, if we get married, has to be permanent. You don’t fall in love and then all of a sudden use the phrase, well, I fell out of love. How are you going to fall in love and fall out of love? That’s two fallings. That’s ridiculous. We don’t even know what we’re saying sometimes. Doesn’t make sense. Number five. We must not fear confrontation, but we, nor must we withhold forgiveness. Do you understand what that means? We must not fear confrontation. Many times people do not have good marriages because they are afraid to say things because they know the things that they’re going to say is going to hurt the other person’s feelings.

You got to have those conversations. If your husband’s breath stinks, you’ve got to have that conversation with them. You can’t sit there and say, well, you know, if I say something, it’s going to hurt his feelings. He’s going to hurt everybody else’s noses if you don’t talk to him. If your wife’s feet stink, you’ve got to have that conversation with them, no matter, even though it may hurt our feelings. Sweetie, you know, until you put some soap on your toes, it’s probably best that you don’t wear flip-flops. I mean, I’m just saying we need to have that talk. You know, you can’t fear confrontation. You’ve got to have that conversation. I’m just using these as minor examples. They’re going to be much deeper things that you talk about in your relationship.

Hopefully, those two things are not one of those are not those things. But you’re going to talk about deeper things in your relationship. You cannot fear confrontation. Well, it’s going to start an argument. Well, wait a minute. You’re trying to help this person. This is your spouse. This person represents you. You represent them every time y’all walk out of the household together. So you have to have talks. You have to communicate with one another. And you cannot withhold forgiveness. This holding of grudges is ridiculous. If your husband comes home and he says he’s sorry, then guess what? Accept their apology, forgive, and move on rather than always bringing up the past. I remember back in 1987 when you said this to me, and I’ll never forget it.

Okay, but then you can never move forward in your relationship with that type of mentality. Well, the reason why I don’t buy you gifts, because I remember back in 1992, I bought you some flowers and you threw them in the trash because you said you don’t like flowers, so I just stopped buying you stuff. I mean, you can’t hold grudges. It doesn’t work. Your marriage will fail if you withhold forgiveness. Your marriage will fail if you fear confrontation. Thank you so much for your time and attention. God loves you. I do too. We’re going to take a break, head over to the Hawk Riders for lunch. Thank you.