Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage – Part 3

Introduction

What a glorious morning it is. Great to see everybody. I gotta tell you, I really feel that this is the most encouraging group that I think I’ve ever been a part of. You all are so uplifting and encouraging, and the song leading today was outstanding, and I hope that God is pleased as well. I am certainly encouraged to be part of you all, as uh as you know. Uh a couple of quick announcements before I get into my lesson. And the first one is just uh an update on some uh encouraging things going on regarding evangelism. Uh Tim Caldwell and uh Greg helped to set up a community Bible study through a website, meetup.com. And every Tuesday night at uh Starbucks in Super Target over uh uh on off Orange Avenue, we have a community Bible study.

And people sign up through this website, and they come in and they come and they show up. And we don’t always have somebody new every week, every Tuesday, but it’s not uncommon. Uh every two or three times we’ll have a new person. And we have a lot of people who return, usually about four to six who are there, very much interested in learning. They’re craving the truth and enjoying our fellowship together. And uh so I just wanted to announce that I think it’s important to report uh those sorts of things. So you all can be praying about that. And if you want to drop in and visit uh one Tuesday evening at seven, uh feel free to. Uh the second thing that I wanted to announce real briefly, most of you are already aware of uh Bible Bits.

Uh short, uh it’s a series of short articles, about a hundred words. So just a quick little 30-second uh encouraging thought, uh, and maybe sometimes uh a little bit of a warning, too, but a thought, a spiritual thought for the day. And this is emailed daily, five days a week for those who subscribe. If you want to subscribe to that, I write these little articles, and they’re sent out every morning, and you can unsubscribe at any time. If you want to sign up for that, there’s a sign-up sheet in the back on the little area where there’s you know sign-up sheets and stuff. I want to continue today in our series of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Sometimes when I begin a series, I have no idea how long the series is going to be.

One time I started a series, and it was 19 lessons before I got done with it. Hopefully, that won’t be the case with marriage, divorce, and remarriage. But I know that we’re going to have one more lesson. In fact, that will be the last lesson. We’re going to have lesson four, and that’ll be next Sunday, Lord willing, at the 9 a.m. hour. Let me take this as an opportunity to say to those who may not normally be here at the 9 a.m. We are encouraged that you are here now. We’re encouraged that you’re here at the 11 o’clock hour. And God is happy that you are here. You could be a lot of places. I think that says a lot of wonderful things about your heart.

And so without judging your heart, let me just say this that we do have a 9 o’clock service if you aren’t aware of that. And it’s not a repeat. You know, there’s actually another lesson that is prepared, and Greg or myself or Mr. Bob will prepare a lesson. And so work is being put into that, and it’s very encouraging, the more people we have. And so a lot miss out on that opportunity. I’m not trying to browbeat you. I want to encourage you to be here. So if you uh want to be here next Sunday at 9, we will be looking at part four of the marriage, divorce, or remarriage, and really delving into some of these matters in 1 Corinthians 7, which we’re going to start today.

We’re going to talk about 1 Corinthians 7, because for one thing, it talks about marriage and it talks about divorce. And for another thing, this is a chapter that many will go to to find loopholes. And they do find loopholes in this chapter. Oh, do they find loopholes? But having said that, I do not enter a study of this chapter with my mind already made up. Every time I study it, I study it fresh. I don’t care what sermons I’ve ever heard preached on it, or what any preacher has ever said on it, or what any scholar or any commentator says on it. I go to look at what it says for itself, studying it objectively, and our attitude must be we don’t care which way it is, we just want to know which way it is.

But if we go into a study of God’s word in any passage with the mindset of, I’m going to make it prove this or the other. We will find loopholes to make it prove what we want it to prove. And so what we must do, what I must do in the matter of marriage, divorce, and remarriage, is we must look at it objectively and remove the emotional aspect because emotions tend to cause us to skew our interpretation. And we might have one view, and then something comes up in our life, and then suddenly our views change. And it’s the same passage. The passage did not change. We must not allow our emotions to govern our interpretation of God’s word. We must look at it objectively, and that’s all that I am trying to do with you today.

1. The Key Is Context

And so if you will, make sure you’re there at 1 Corinthians chapter 7. And the key is context, context, context. Do not take a verse and lift it out of context. It will confuse you, especially in this chapter. In this chapter, Paul is answering marriage questions that the Corinthians wrote to him about. He says in the beginning, now concerning the things about which you wrote. He also says in verse 25, now concerning virgins. When you see that now concerning, it appears that that is referring to these are things that you wrote about. So it would appear that all of these things, at least most, at least many, uh, are things that were written to Paul about. Questions. What about this? What about that? So we see some nitty-gritty detail here where Paul is getting in and dealing with very specific situations.

We need to realize that up front. Much of what he says is in view of the present distress. You see that in verse 26. So there was persecution going on, and that was coloring some of the things that Paul would say. You see, for example, in verse 28, but if you marry, you have not sinned, and if a virgin marriage, she has not sinned, yet such will have trouble in this life. And I am trying to spare you. So Paul will have things to say in that regard in light of the present distress. And I might bring that up a little bit next week, but I don’t plan to mention that again in today’s lesson. Paul’s teaching on marriage is entirely consistent with what Jesus taught.

That’s important to realize up front. Paul is not going to invent something that Jesus did not teach. He might give applications that Jesus did not make, but he will not invent new principles. He will not create new exceptions to the rule. So his teaching is entirely consistent with what Jesus taught. Otherwise, we’re putting Paul in conflict with Jesus. He does make some specific applications that Jesus did not make. By the way, I know I’ve got some big words for you kids to fill out on your outlines. So if you’re filling them out and they’re big, just do your best. I know I go fast sometimes. Paul does not consider the exception that Jesus gave in Matthew 5.32 and 19. Except for sexual immorality. Matthew 19, 9, or Matthew 5.32, except in the case of unchaste, which is the word pornea, the Greek word pornea.

And so Paul doesn’t consider that. That doesn’t mean he’s not aware of it. Okay? He’s aware of it. He’s aware of what the Lord taught on the matter. But when he considers divorce, he is considering those who do not have the right to remarry. He is not considering a situation where a person has divorced his spouse because that person committed adultery. That one spouse would have the right to remarry. Paul doesn’t consider that. When he considers divorce, he is considering it from the standpoint of these people have not divorced scripturally, so neither one of them has the right to remarry. That’s an important point to keep in mind, and I will bring that back up. So, instead of trying to look at every verse, because that might be a series of 19 lessons.

We are going to focus in on seven key verses. The only verses that specifically focus on divorce. Of course, verse 39 infers some things about divorce. But 10 through 16, this is the real section that we want to focus on. And so let’s just read it. If you have questions, don’t let your mind stay there. Just read it. But to the married, I give instructions. Not I, but the Lord. That the wife should not leave her husband. But if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband. And that the husband should not divorce his wife. But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her.

And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. For otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave.

2. Divorce Is Wrong: It Is Prohibited by God

But that was a lot. That was a lot. So I’ll bit off more than I could chew. So we’re not going to look at all of this. We’re going to split it into two lessons, Lord willing. In this section, Paul uses two Greek words for divorce. The word carizo and the word apiami. And these are translated with various terms depending on your version. It could be leaves or departs or divorce.

Well, there’s a couple more that it’s not coming to my mind. But these terms do not refer to mere separation. When it says leaves or departs, it doesn’t mean mere separation. It doesn’t mean legal separation. The first century knew nothing of that. The Roman world knew nothing of legal separation. The New Testament knows nothing of that. To try to insert that into this is an abuse. It’s an abuse. Also, this is not talking about mere desertion, where one spouse leaves the other spouse without divorcing them. No, these words refer to divorce. They were words for divorce in the first century. In fact, carizo is the most technical word from what I’ve read, the most technical word for divorce. There are four words in the New Testament used for divorce.

Here we see two of them carizo and aphiem. So, Paul’s overall message in verses 10 through 16 is really hard. It’s complicated. Probably just the scholars of our group will be able to grasp this. So everybody hang on tight and listen. Divorce is wrong. Can we get that? Divorce is wrong. It is prohibited. There’s a big word for you kids to fill out. By God. That means God does not allow it. That’s the overall point. If you want to sum it up in a nutshell, that’s essentially the basic thing that Paul is saying throughout this section that we just read. He applies this principle in two ways. He applies it first, as I call it generally, because he just says at the beginning of verse 10, to the married.

That sounds pretty general, doesn’t it? To the married. And he refers to what Jesus taught to the married. And secondly, he applies it specifically to a specific segment of the married, where he says, to the rest, referring to believers who are married to unbelievers. That would be the specific application that Paul makes. Okay? So we have the general and the specific applications that he wants that he wants to make. Now the general applications are going to be true for the specific applications too. It’s not that they’re removed. But why does he deal specifically with believers and unbelievers being married? Because they had questions about that. And so he deals with that and applies the principle to that without violating the principle that divorce is wrong. The basic message is the same in both cases.

Paul does not give two sets of rules. He gives two applications of the same rule. I want to say that again. He does not give two sets of rules. He gives two applications of the same rule, one generally and one specifically. Oh, what men will come up with. I read an article where this fellow argued that it’s like a football coach. And the football coach has his team, and this is their first day. You got some of the team has uh been there before. They’re veteran players. This is not their first year. And you have other ones, this is their first year. So the coach says to those who’ve been there before, you fellas, go over there and warm up. To the rest, stay with me.

So, why would he do that? Well, he has two different messages. And so I read about that illustration being used to prove that, you know, no, no, Paul is not giving the same set of instructions and applying it two different ways. He’s actually giving two separate sets of instructions, like he split that up. But that doesn’t work. Because it’s one message. You know, and that really that uh illustration breaks down, doesn’t it? Because there’s one set of rules in football. Everybody’s got to play by the same set of rules. But anyway, illustrations are illustrations. You can’t prove anything by an illustration. Unless it’s a scriptural illustration that Jesus gives us or to God. Before I move to this point, let me blank that out for just a second.

3. Not Under Bondage: Freedom to Let Him Leave

I’m not going to have time today to deal with that second part, the specific application. And the key verse there, the real bugaboo, as Marty Pickup used to say, is verse 15. And so, what I want to do is just for a minute, before we get into examining verses 10 and 11 and really having fun there, I want to look briefly at verse 15, just in case some may not be here next week, so I can help to answer some of the questions you might be having in your mind. Verse 16 says, yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave. What we have here is a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever. You had a situation where unbelievers were tending to not want to be married to believers.

And you read about that in the earlier verses. If they consent to stay with you, remain married. But what if they don’t? What if they want to leave? Well, you know, you haven’t sinned by letting them leave. They have sinned by leaving. You let them leave. You’re not at fault for that. And there’s much more I could say on that. Much more. The brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases. Bondage does not mean the marriage bond. It’s a different word and a different context. This is talking about slavery of sorts. Under bondage can be translated, and it is in some versions, enslaved. The brother or sister is not enslaved in such cases. That means they’re free. Free to do what? Free to remarry.

4. To the Married: Remain Unmarried or Be Reconciled

That is inserted by some. Well, not enslaved. Not under bondage. They’re free to remarry. That’s what they. No, Paul does not give anybody a right to remarry except to be reconciled to your original spouse. In the case that you’ve divorced and are single. But uh, but it is it’s freedom to let him leave. That’s what the freedom is. It’s not freedom to remarry, it’s freedom to let him leave. I didn’t have to invent that. That’s in the text. That’s in the text. So we can deal more with that next time in that verse. Alright, now we’re going to focus on verses 10 and 11. Quote, to the married. This general, as I call it, application of the principle. Let’s read the verses again, verses 10 and 11.

But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband. But if she does leave, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And that the husband should not divorce his wife. Now, as you look at that, can you formulate the rule? Look at the end of verse 10. That the wife should not leave her husband. The end of verse 11, that the husband should not divorce his wife. That’s the rule. And then he has couched in between there. But if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband. Paul here seems to be answering the question that they had.

To us? Well, yeah. If somebody’s married, they need to stay married. So here you have Christians asking a question well, should we? Why would they be asking that? Let me give you a few thoughts on that. Earlier, Paul has been arguing something very specifically. Like in verse 1, he starts, now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Then he goes on to argue, but if you want to get married, that’s not wrong. But if you are married, you have marital obligations. You have sexual obligations. It would seem that what was happening is you had some who are teaching or thinking, well, we’re more holy if we don’t have the sexual union. And if we’re more holy by not having a sexual union, then it’s better to just go ahead and get a divorce.

So if if we’re already married, should we continue in that state? Or are we better to just divorce? That might be the background for this question. That seems to be in the context what the background of that question is. But either way, Paul is dealing with this matter. He starts by saying, I give instructions, not I, but the Lord.

Earlier, for example, you see in verse 6, Paul says, But I say this by way of concession, not of command regarding marrying somebody in the first place. You don’t have to do this. I want to give you my inspired advice in view of the present distress of what you should do. But here he’s saying, this is not my inspired apostolic statement. This is something that Jesus actually said. So, because Jesus made specific statements about this, Paul had no need to appeal to his own apostolic authority. The Lord has said this. Are we familiar with where the Lord said this? We’ve been talking about it, haven’t we? Remember in Matthew 19 and verse 9. Whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman, commits adultery.

And we looked at Matthew 5 and verse 32 that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the case of unchastity, makes her commit adultery, which means you put her in a position to commit adultery by divorcing her. He doesn’t deal with a man remarrying. So Jesus in this passage is not just forbidding remarriage. He is condemning divorce. Because it is a selfish act that puts the other spouse in a position where they cannot remarry. And if they do, they have committed adultery. And guess whose fault that is? It’s yours for putting her in that position. Or vice versa, her leaving him and putting him in that position. And a man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. So this is the whole thing put together in one chart.

We’ve been talking about all that. So I think we have pretty good awareness of what Jesus taught. We also have Mark 10, verses 11 and 12, and Luke 16, 18, which repeat the rule that Jesus gave without the exception. So Paul relies on what Jesus said. And to sum up what Paul wrote here in verses 10 and 11 of 1 Corinthians 7, he says, remember the real hard rule to remember? Divorce is wrong. And specifically, to divorce is wrong. To divorce someone is wrong.

So that is a transgression. Because he says, don’t do it. Jesus said, don’t do it. But if you do it, that individual must not make matters worse by remarrying. The divorced individual has only two options. Paul says to remain single, that is unmarried, or to be reconciled. Now I need to make a couple of points about this. And brethren, you’re doing well. You’re doing well. I just hope, and I want to help to bring all of our minds in and make sure we’re all fully focusing on this because this is in-depth study. Paul does not deal with the divorced from the standpoint of the exception that Jesus gives. So when he’s talking about divorced here, he is not talking about somebody who has divorced because the other spouse commits adultery, and therefore that spouse has the right to remarry.

He looks at divorce here as these people have no right, no right to remarry. So what do they do? Remain single or else be reconciled. But if you divorce your spouse because they committed adultery, this doesn’t apply exactly. Because you can remarry somebody else if you divorce your spouse for adultery. You understand? So that’s why it’s important to make that a distinction. Second thing is important to see here is that, and I want to be careful how I say this, because I don’t know everybody’s situation. Paul is not dealing with somebody that had been divorced and remarried. He is dealing with somebody who had divorced and was single. He says, remain single or be reconciled. Now, there is a position on what to do with those who were divorced and remarried.

And the position is separate that divorce. And I agree, it’s an adulterous relationship. The only way to repent is by ending the adultery. The only way to end the adultery is to end the marriage. So you end that adulterous marriage. But then they are further told you need to go back to your original spouse. All I’m saying is that Paul is not dealing with that specific scenario. And I think we have to be careful how to apply this to that. Because this is somebody that divorced and was single. Remain single or be reconciled. He’s not dealing with somebody that divorced and remarried and then divorced that one and telling them to be reconciled. I think we just have to be careful and give some thought to that.

5. Divorce Permitted as Long as Remarriage Doesn’t Occur?

Nowhere in the New Testament is that specific scenario dealt with, but it is dealt with in the law of Moses. In Deuteronomy 24, verses 1 through 4 as we studied, where Moses commands that if a woman is divorced by her husband and marries another and he divorces her, she is not to go back to the first husband. That would be an abomination because she has been defiled over here. I know we’re not under the law of Moses. We’re under a stricter law. But still, I’m hesitant to make dogmatic application of that. But I do want you to be aware of the issue and of the passages at hand. And I would just hesitate. That’s all I’m saying. I would really hesitate on that matter. Is Paul saying that divorce is permitted as long as remarriage doesn’t occur?

That’s what some get out of this verse. It’s okay. I remember, and I’ve told you this, I remember as a teenager, somebody tell me it was this was a Christian I respected greatly. It’s okay to divorce as long as you don’t go get remarried. And I remember being so confused as a teenager. What? I didn’t know the Bible taught that. Well, I don’t believe the Bible does teach that. And some will even go this far. Is everybody with us? Sorry. Okay, I did it. I kind of told you I wouldn’t be mean, but we all need this information. If you divorce your spouse, because really you want to be separated from them, and you just wish that maybe they would just commit adultery on you so you could go marry somebody else.

So you just divorce them, but you remain single. All you got to do is wait it out because guess what that person’s eventually gonna do? They’re gonna get remarried, thus the adultery, and now all I have to do is put that person away in my heart and go and remarry somebody else. That is taught by some. That is believed by some. That is a perversion of God’s word. And that is not what this passage says. It’s just not. If it were, I’d be happy to preach it. Because I don’t care which way it is. I just want to know which way it is. And that needs to be our attitude toward the word of God. Paul’s purpose in this passage is damage control. Really, you think about that.

The Roman Empire, you had all these, you had these people in Corinth. Many of them were converted, divorced. Sure. Paul wants to stop the bleeding. Look, you’re divorced. Don’t make matters worse by remarrying. You need to remain single or be reconciled. There is no way Paul is saying here, hey, divorce is wrong. But it’s okay if you do it. That’d be like telling your kids, hey, don’t lie to me. But if you do it, it’s okay. What does that do to the force of my commandment? It’d be like telling an employer, uh, employee, don’t steal. But if you do, it’s okay. What a perversion of Scripture to say that that’s what Paul is doing here. No, it’s not okay. It is a sin. He just knows that it is a reality that must be dealt with.

Paul is realistic. He’s looking at specific scenarios. There were divorced Christians. So he deals with that specific situation. By the way, I’m getting into this, but I like to do these sermons more calmly. And I hope that my uh getting into it is not offensive. I mean that too. I don’t mean for it to be offensive. I want to do this in a teaching way. Paul strictly forbids divorce in these very verses. That’s what we just looked at. So we can’t have him contradicting himself. Furthermore, we cannot have Paul contradicting Jesus. What did Jesus say in Matthew 5 in verse 32? That whoever divorces his wife, except in the case of unchastity, makes her commit adultery. And so what did we mention a minute ago? That what Jesus was condemning was not just the remarriage, but the divorce itself, because of the position it puts your spouse in.

6. Not Merely Staying Together: Love and Respect

And if that man does remarry, the one who divorced, he would also be committing adultery. And the one he married would be committing adultery. You could have four adulterous parties from that one split. We cannot pit Paul against Jesus. Keep that in mind as you read and study for our sermon next week on the following verses, 12 through 16. That’s going to be the real focus of our next week’s lesson. In preaching about all this, we need to make sure that we’re not simply defined by, well, we don’t do that stuff. Do you know that I have read this? The statistics show that the majority of marriages that stay together, the ones that don’t get divorced, the majority of them are not happy marriages. And so not only do we need to worry about staying with our spouse, but we need to be the kind of husband and wife that God wants us to be.

Because you may not get a divorce, but you may not treat your wife with love. In Ephesians 5, Paul says, husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. And he tells wives to submit to your husbands. And in verse 33, the very last verse of that chapter, he says, that husbands are to love their wives, and wives are to respect their husbands. And so we have this mutual relationship of love and of respect. And, you know, I don’t know about you husbands, but I’ve got the whole loving my wife like Christ loved the church thing down. No. I’m working on it.

Conclusion

We’re all working, we’re a work in progress, but what a strong and high calling. Husbands. Don’t just remain married. Love your wives. Like Christ loved the church. And what men long from their wives is they long for respect. And support. And so the command in Ephesians 5 matches the needs of man and woman perfectly. Women need to be loved. Men need to be supported. Let us make sure we’re doing those things and not merely making sure that we stay together, technically. If you’re not a Christian, you can become a Christian today and have the hope that is in Jesus. You can have the repentance that is in him and the hope of eternal salvation. But repentance is necessary. And in order to repent of sin, you can’t remain in the calling to which you are called.

Those are social situations Paul deals with. What you must do if you are living in sin is you must repent of that sin and end it. God doesn’t wash away past marriages and baptism. He washes away your sins if you repent of them. So won’t you come today, repenting of your sins, calling on the name of the Lord and being baptized to wash away your sins and rising to walk in newness of life and continuing to obey the gospel, being saved by the grace and mercy of our Lord and being blessed through his Holy Spirit to follow it every day of your life. Wouldn’t you do that today? As we stand and sing the song of invitation?