Marriage Matters To Everyone

Introduction

Good morning.

This past month we’ve been speaking about how marriage matters. The first Sunday of the month, we learned about why marriage matters to God. And that is at its core that marriage duplicates or shows us in a very practical living way how our commitment to our spouse is in fact a reflection of our commitment to Christ. The same variables need to be there. A firm love of that person, a firm conviction to do for them their will over yours. The next Sunday, Josh spoke about what marriage means to him and all that he’s learned, and all that he’s learned to not say and do, even from the pulpit. And then Mr. Bob spoke last week about what marriage means to him. And then I I am charged with the task of preaching about what marriage means to me, and this presented me with an interest interesting dilemma.

And that is, I am not married. Furthermore, I do not have children. Which gives me a bit of good news for everyone here this morning. They say that those people who are unmarried and do not have children are the most brilliant at being married and child rearing. So you are in the midst of a genius this morning.

Of course, we know that’s not true. However, every single person here is impacted by marriage in a very significant way. So this this morning, when we look at marriage matters, we’re going to look at how marriage matters to everyone. Even kids from a very young age learn things about marriage from what they see and what they hear. An example is a ten-year-old boy who was asked, How would you make your marriage work? And he said, Tell your wife she’s pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

And a little boy at age nine was asked, Why do couples hold hands? And he said, They’re just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do that holy matrimony thing. So little kids understand, and they even pick up on words that they shouldn’t. That they don’t have in their vocabulary readily because marriage is all around them. A child cannot be born except out of consummation of a male and a female. It cannot happen. They are introduced whether in the absence of or with a loving home. They introduce the concept of family. And of course, family at its core begins with marriage. And so if you open with me to Titus chapter 2. We’re going to look at a simple charge given.

In Titus chapter 2, and this will be our main text for this morning. No, beginning in verse 1. But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good. And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands. Why? That the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching, so integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned.

Why? So that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say of us. Brothers and sisters, this morning we are gathered here to worship the God Almighty, and we are in the presence of Him. But if you look around, you will see men and women who have committed their lives to serving that great God. And that makes us different. There is a difference in a person’s life from a person who is not devoting their lives to God from someone who is. And subsequently, our marriages should be the utmost reflection of that. The world is attacking marriage minute by minute every second. Even this moment in time, America and the countries and around the world are attacking marriage at its very core, and they’re attacking the setup of God.

And so if we wish to be living a God pleasing path, then we need to make sure we stick to the fundamentals, and that is what God has told us to do. We need to stick to what God says. And that creates an interesting problem. The problem becomes if marriage matters to everyone, and God is telling us we need to live this way, and the world’s saying we need to live this way.

1. Marriage Matters to Children

Do you reflect the ways of the world? Or do you reflect the sound teachings of the God Almighty? This morning we’re going to look at three groups of people who are intimately impacted by marriage. And the first one is marriage matters to children. This is something that I actually can speak with some accord of. Perhaps the biggest impact of marriage felt outside of the married couple is in fact on the children. And we’ll see this morning that there are two seismic consequences that marriage has on children. The first is in the present, and the second is in building for their future. But regarding the first, on their presence, present time, excuse me. We have an ugly truth in America, even this very morning. Marriages are faltering.

Divorces are skyrocketing. The practice of serial polygamy, which is what cohabitation is, just under a different name and defined for what it truly is, is rampant among our society. And it’s our kids that are taking the damage. Statistics show that 41% of children born in 2008 were born to unmarried women. 50% of those plan to marry the father, only 16% do. And another 21% cohabitate for some period of time. Do we see the problem with that? There’s a problem with that because the biblical model suggests that’s not what God wants. We have passages like Deuteronomy chapter 6, verses 6 through 9, where the parents are to teach their children at all times the wills and the ways of God. Passages in Ephesians 6 know a father and a mother are to be submitted to.

They are to be honored. And that means by force that they must be there.

Excuse me, the 50% of America believes that marriage is no big deal. And yet 75% of people say that it is critical to raising kids in an ideal setting. And we are told our children today just don’t appreciate marriage anymore. They don’t understand commitment. They don’t understand what it means to devote their lives to someone else and to honor the sanctity of marriage. Then we hear that 40% of people under the age of 30 think that marriage is quickly growing obsolete. Though note, what they don’t tell you is that 95% of people surveyed still plan on getting married. We’re looking forward to that opportunity. And still we are told, yet again, people just don’t care about marriage anymore. Brothers and sisters, that is just not true.

We are going to be told many things by the world. Satan, the father of lies, has taken the world as his most powerful ally and is cramming down our throats. Divorce is good. Choose who you want, do what you want, live how you will, but that is not what God said. We are seeing now the fruits of a generation grown up without the mother and the father and the home as God intended, and what has that resulted in? A society that does not reflect the values of what God has intended for us to reflect. And when we deviate from God’s plan, we will not come out successfully in the short, middle, or long term. Now allow me to stop here and give a big qualification. I do understand and have witnessed some personally, and some from just watching, that life does happen.

I get that scriptural divorce, separations out of our control, and even death does happen at unexpected times and in unexpected ways. Oftentimes because of the wickedness of the world. And maybe there’s people here whose past has been forgiven that doesn’t have the luxury of the God given family mold. But we all know one thing, and that’s that God loves all of us. God is a merciful, gracious heavenly Father who will account for all of our needs. And he will get you through if you fit that mold this morning. But for those of us who have the choice, or who have the possibility of living our lives the way God has intended, we have a commitment to uphold. God’s intention is for that children be raised with the strength of the father and the nurturing of the mother.

We sang the song We Are the World’s Bible. Are we biblically showing in our marriages? And are our children going to have that type of reflection to live out in their own marriages? Or will the world just look at us and say, They’re just like us. God commands that we be different. Look with me in Psalm chapter 127. In Psalm chapter 127, beginning in verse 3. We see, behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with him. He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. What are children? A heritage from the Lord.

The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are the children of one youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. Our godly marriages, plain and simply put, need godly men and godly women to be complete as God designed. Children are in fact a gift from God, and we need to stand up and show that model. We need to be lights to the world, which means fathers need to father. Mothers need to mother. And children need to be taught to honor their father and mother. Because above all, God’s will and God’s way must be first. But this leads to the second reason marriage matters to children. And that’s because Christian marriages set the precedent for their child’s behavior.

And it’s important to know that this example can be set for better or worse. I’m reminded of a country song. And I will paraphrase for reasons that you will understand. It’s called My Boy, it’s about a boy and his father. The father says, Driving through town, just my boy and me, with a happy meal in his booster seat, knowing that he couldn’t have the toy till his nuggets were gone. A green traffic light turned straight to red. I hit my brakes and mumbled under my breath. His fries went a flying and his orange drink covered his lap. Well, then my four-year-old said a certain word, and I was concerned. So I said, son, where’d you learn to talk like that? He said, I’ve been watching you, Dad.

Ain’t that cool? I’m your buckaroo. I want to be just like you. That’s the bad sign. But just this bedtime later that night, turning on my son’s Scooby Doo night light. He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees. He closed the little eyes, folded his little hands, spoke to God like he was talking to a friend. And I said, son, now where’d you learn to pray like that? He said, I’ve been watching you, Dad. Ain’t that cool? I’m your buckaroo. I want to be just like you and eat all my food and grow as tall as you are. We like fixing things and holding Mama’s hand. Yeah, we’re just alike, hey? Ain’t we, Dad? I want to do everything you do. So I’ve been watching you.

Children watch. They hear. They listen. And perhaps most startlingly, they imitate. We saw the good and the bad just in that one country song in the two different verses. For better or worse, children will act like their parents. And that’s why it’s so crucial that godly marriages be played out in that godly way. Look now at Deuteronomy chapter 6. We mentioned it earlier. Look in Deuteronomy chapter 6, beginning in verse 5. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise.

You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorpost of your house and on your gates. Marriage matters to children. Because not only do they need that God-given setup of both love, nurturing, and training, but they need it because they’re going to repeat what they see because they don’t know anything different. A good example of that is in conversations I have with Kashka. Well, I’m not married, I am engaged, which I’ve been pretty comfortable at stepping in potholes already. And so when problems happen, I have long conversations about it. That’s the way I learned. Those of you who know my dad, he’s a very conversational person. And for better or worse, growing up as a kid, if we had problems, we were going to talk about it and talk about it.

And then talk about it. Until we got to the core of the problem and we fixed it. And so, what do you think I’m going to do when I have a problem in any relationship, whether with a fiancee, a friend, or even my parents themselves still. I’m going to talk about it. Because that’s the pattern I’ve had. Now, I’m fortunate that I had a God-fearing mother and father that set the pattern for me to imitate. But that’s what I’m going to do. And even in basic interaction, we see that. Do you remember the note of the song I just read? What did the little boy say in the chorus? He said, Hey, dad, we like fixing things and holding mama’s hand. I’m betting the dad didn’t make a large impact of saying, son, look at me, hold mama’s hand.

But the little boy noticed. He noticed the way his dad always lovingly reached out and put his arm around his mother. He noticed the way his mother would always reach and grab her father’s hand. He noticed the love that was there, whether he could label it as such or not. And that’s because children notice. And that’s why marriage is so critical to children. Notice one thing, though. Boys and girls watch adults too. They don’t just watch mom and dad, because if you were brought up in a church, I’m looking out before me, and I see lots of moms and dads. I see lots of husbands and wives. And so when I’m making my ideas of how I should live, I have y’all as examples. Look back in Titus chapter 2.

Notice what the text says, and notice the phrasings of verse 3 and 4. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good. And so train the young women to love their husbands and children. The text doesn’t say mothers train young mothers, although that would certainly be implied as part of that characterization of older women and younger women. But it says older women train younger women, older men, younger men. There’s a pattern to be set because people notice from all other people. We get our ideas from watching people. That’s why guarding our heart is so critical. You know the saying it takes a whole village to raise a child? Perhaps Paul would have mend that to something like it takes a whole church to adequately train a soldier for Christ.

Because make no mistake, kids are watching. And at first that was tough for me to grasp. Growing up, my dad always said people are always watching you, even when you think they’re not. Until I realized I do that. If you think about this, I said I can speak as a child, and I can. I grew up in this congregation and watched Jim and Edith Caps stand at the door and greet every single person who came in. They always wrote cards to everyone. So what example do you think I have to follow? I think it’s important to write cards and to greet people now. You think about Leon and Julia Folkes. All the people that they talked to, all the people they greeted. What example do I have to follow?

Theirs. Because the church needs to be the pillar and the ground of truth. We need to understand kids are watching, because I did. Kids are watching, we know it because you did. I’m seeing here people who I knew their grandparents, I knew their parents. They were like my grandparents and parents. And they’re still good examples for me. Why? Because they took their marriage seriously, and it mattered because it may have saved their children’s souls. Marriage matters to children because when it comes down to it, the bottom line is God gave us a mom and dad to raise us in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. And so marriage matters to children. Because marriage is perhaps the most important instrument they have in recognizing the love and the peace and serenity that God offers.

2. Marriage Matters to Our Church Family

But look closely again with me at Titus chapter 2, this time in verse 4. Train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. So our second point this morning is that marriage matters to our church family. We see in verses four and five that the younger women are what? They’re taught to be taught how to love their husbands and to be working at home and even being submissive to their own husbands. Who is this message to? Look at the text. Look at verse 4 and 5. This is wives. This is two women in marriages. But who’s it from? Obviously, women from marriages.

There is wisdom in being older because you have experiences that need to be shared. So a very important facet of why marriage matters is that marriage is crucial to the spiritual development of even young couples. That, of course, rears its head in two ways. Young couples have a responsibility to seek out the older counsel, and the older counselors have a responsibility to seek out the young young married couples who need their help. Certainly there’s much biblical wisdom in that. Look with me in the book of Proverbs. We’re going to look at two passages, so I invite you, please open your Bibles. Turn with me to Proverbs chapter 11. Proverbs chapter 11 and verse 14. Where there is no guidance, a people falls. But in an abundance of counselors, there is safety.

Now Proverbs 12 and verse 15. The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to his advice. Let me ask you. Apart from God Himself, who better knows how to live a godly way than those who have been doing it for decades? Who would be more understanding of what it means to be a godly husband or a godly wife, or even a godly grandparent or a godly child, or a godly co-worker than those who have lived it? There’s biblical wisdom in that. Are we going to be a fool and not seek counsel? Or seek to be wise and be safe in our abundance of counselors, to use the phrasings of the Proverbs. In this congregation, look around. Take a moment, look around.

Everyone’s still looking at me, look around. We are blessed to have members who have been married for 20, 30, 40, 50, even over 60 years. And they’re right here. All you have to do is ask. Most times everyone’s going to be ready and willing to help. And so that falls on two heads. If you are someone with the experience, are you eager and willing to share all of your counsel and advice? And if you’re younger, are you willing and eager to seek that counsel and that advice? The Bible is clear from the Proverbs and even from Titus. The biblical model is people helping each other in the church. So a strong marriage of those who are older is critical to a young marriage. Because if we want to have a marriage that matters to God and that God looks on and is content with, we need to be ever striving to be like him and learn from not only his word, but people who are living his ways.

3. Marriage Gives Us Great Encouragement in the Lord

So now that we’ve covered children in the church, and both older and younger married people in the church, that leaves those who are single in the church of all ages. Whatever age you want. If you are not married, what does marriage mean to you? Why does marriage matter to you? I don’t like speaking for other people because I’m usually wrong. I’m wrong enough when I speak for myself. But allow me to suggest one thing. While marriage itself might not be critical to your faith or critical to your obedience to God. There is something to gain from your fellow Christians. Even more than learning about how to deal with a future spouse. Let me suggest that marriage matters to everyone here because it should give us a great encouragement in the Lord.

Think about what we already talked about. Satan is storming at the gates of marriage. He wants to tear it down because it’s one of the strongest holds God has in this world. Marriage is one of the strongest institutions, one of the most impactful ones. And so what’s Satan going to do? He’s already proved it. He’s coming at it with all of his utensils. He’s using people, he’s using human logic, he’s using crimes, he’s using laws. What is Satan not using to tear down the God ordained pattern of marriage? The world constantly disappoints us. It frightens us. Let’s be honest, it’s downright discouraging to be a Christian in the world today. And his attacks on marriages are that much more severe. That’s why Paul in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 basically says marriage isn’t necessarily for everyone.

What was the implication? His implication was at the time of the current persecution, you could be liable and be put in a tough situation of who to choose. But it’s just the same today. Having a godly marriage brings a bunch of different responsibilities that we need to be aware of. Because the world’s making it difficult to stand up and be a godly obedient servant in marriage. Money divides. Emotions have ended marriages. The world’s opinion of divorce and remarriage all sit in constantly beat down and weigh down God’s standard of marriage. But how encouraging is it to look around, like I know you did because I asked you to two or three times. And to see people can do it. You can do it. Christians here have done it.

They have taken the best shot that Satan has, and they’re standing up and smiling despite it all. I hope you notice what I can, which is I’m seeing a lot of husbands and wives with their arms around one another, sitting close to one another, sharing Bibles, sharing children in some cases. There’s encouragement in that. There’s power, there’s strength in knowing we can do it. And even if you’re not married, look around. It can happen. You can overcome Satan because the world has, because this section of the world, everyone who’s here today has said, as for me and for my house, we will serve the Lord. And aren’t we blessed to be in the presence of so many who have done that? The world constantly downplays the importance of marriage because that’s what Satan wants them to do.

4. Marriage Matters to the World

The world says, you can’t do it. The world says there’s not enough time. The world says you will get divided over money. The world says, don’t tie yourself down. Satan’s screaming, you can’t do it. And God says, yes, you can. God says, if you stick with me, you can do it. Paul says in Philippians chapter 4 and verse 13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. We can do it. And we know it because we have seen it. God promised it. And you can see God’s promises in action if we simply open our eyes. God’s will will always prevail. Godly marriage will stand up because not only is it God ordained, but God’s wisdom is behind it. And so finally, this morning, we’re going to look at the fact that marriage matters to the world.

It can only be one way. If we can be encouraged because of how different everyone is here from the rest of the world, that means then when we are examined in the world, we will be seen this way while the world is acting that way. Marriage matters to the world, perhaps most importantly, because marriage and standing up for what’s right, and more importantly than standing up for it, doing it and living it may be our best chance to save souls. The world claims that divorce is normal. Homosexuality should be accepted. People should get to do what they want when they want. Just search for your true love. But God says otherwise. The Bible says in Mark 10 and verse 9, what God has joined together, let no man separate.

The Bible says a married couple is to become one flesh in Genesis chapter 2 and verse 24. An event that’s only possible through procreation. Marriage matters to God because God made it a certain way, and he didn’t do it to be overbearing or trivial. He did it because that’s the way it works. People should be able to see all relationships in the church of any kind, whether co-workers or parents or grandchildren, but especially as husband and wife, and say there’s something different about them. There’s something different about them. Why are they so committed to each other? Why can nothing get in the way? Why can they not be torn down? The answer is because a godly marriage is focused on God, submitting our will to his and our will to our spouses, and with God’s will, and the will of a spouse who hopefully also is God fearing and God loving.

Where can you go wrong? There’s nowhere to go but minor bumps in the road. There is a reason that a 2010 and 2011 survey says that 76.5% of marriages that are in the very happy category say that God’s will is first in their relationship. And subsequently, there’s a reason that those in the highly likely for divorce range got a total of 2% that said God is first in their marriage. Brothers and sisters, that’s no coincidence. Marriage is critical, but God’s will is even more important. Putting God first, living God’s ways is easy. Because He is almighty, because He is all wise. As He says in Isaiah chapter 55, in verses 8 and 9, for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. It’s really that simple. You wonder why marriage works in a church? You wonder why marriage matters to children and allows them to live God-shaped lives. You wonder why marriage matters to those who are in the church and helps them shape their lives also to God.

Because God in his infinite wisdom set it up that way. There is nothing that you or I or any of today’s leading psychiatrists, news anchors, or newspaper reporters can say that we’ll ever even challenge the length or the breadth of God’s wisdom. God is supreme, God is all knowing, and the world should see and understand who God is by our marriage. Because our marriages are different. In Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 25, we see people should be able to see who Christ is and the way husbands love their wives, putting them first. Always. In Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 23 and 24, people should be able to understand Christ is the head of the church and thus the head of us because of the way that women submit to their husbands.

And they’re different because God made it that way. Our marriages are different because Christian marriages last. Christian marriages make it through tough times and tribulations. Christian marriages are strong in the fact that they are God given marriages. God gave us the blessing of marriages, and God gave us the blessings, even if you aren’t someone who is married.

Conclusion

We read in Titus chapter 2. The biblical model is for those who are older to help those who are younger, and subsequently those who are younger to go and seek the counsel of those who are older and wiser. God’s will is clear. God’s ways are evident, and there is no mistaking what is God’s and what is man’s. Because man’s cannot compare with the glory and the perfection of God. In our lives, we need to live in a way that not only as if we are married and follow God’s wills and God’s, God’s will and God’s ways, but we need to devote our entire lives to serving Him each and every minute and each and every second. And if we do that, we may save some souls in the process.

We are the world’s Bible. And they see us. And make no mistake, just like children watching their dad hold their mama’s hand. Everyone is watching. It may be that someone is here this morning and has been watching their lives, or perhaps watching the lives of those around them and saying, my love of God is not the same. My love of God doesn’t commit, doesn’t have my life committed the way that these people do. Think about it. If God’s ways are so true and right about marriage, they are going to be true and right about everything else. Perhaps you’ve never obeyed God and never understood the love, peace, and serenity that comes with being a servant of Him. You can have your sins washed away this very morning.

You are baptized. You can have your sins taken away by the great sacrifice, the blood and body of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who died for us. And he rose again, defeating the bonds of death, allowing us to devote our lives to Him and a chance of eternity with Him. If you’re subject to either of those invitations, come forward right now as we stand and as we sing.